The fear of "Too Late"

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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Enail on Fri Mar 25, 2016 3:01 pm

Yay, you did it! And part okay sounds pretty good! And since there's no worries if you don't get the job, it's pure win, and that experience is invisibly going towards your next level up. Really good work, you!

ETA: Also, it's over with, you don't have to stress about it now, so go celebrate!
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by bomaye on Fri Mar 25, 2016 3:45 pm

It's still stressful because there's off-chance they could phone back anyways (though they did mention if they were going to phone back, it'd be today).

There was a few things I kind of messed up at looking back and a few I didn't but those don't bother me all that much, but there is one thing that sort of bothers me: They asked "Do you like talking to people?" and I'm kinda like "Depending on the subject, but I'm more of a people pleaser" and then she's like "Soooo, why did you apply for a job that requires talking to people?" and in my brain I'm kind of going "Because jobs where you don't talk to anyone don't exist, especially if you're uneducated like I am?"
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Werel on Fri Mar 25, 2016 4:16 pm

Yeah, it's tough navigating those interview questions where you know the truth is not the answer they're looking for (and everybody gets those questions, it's not just you). Having a script that glosses over the problem areas while still being technically true is pretty handy; if you get that question in the future, you could either go with something like "Sure, but not so much that it distracts me from getting other work done!" or just choke out a "yep."

There are some things you should not lie about in interviews, but for questions like "do you loooooove doing inventory?" or "customer service is your life's mission, right?" it's aiight to clench your teeth into a smile and nod because literally no one loves those things. Wink
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Enail on Fri Mar 25, 2016 4:22 pm

Eh, there's always something that bugs you afterwards (or at least there is for me Wink), try not to dwell on it. But now you know to think up an answer for that one for next time.

And if you decide to expand your range from the nearest walking distance shops at some point, there are probably some less talk-to-people-y jobs you can root out here and there, even if you don't go the education route. Though convenience stores don't seem like they'd necessarily be the most people-y either, especially for the later shifts.
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by reboot on Fri Mar 25, 2016 7:42 pm

Yeah, everyone walks out of interviews kicking themselves over something. I am impressed that it is only one question, given that it is your first interview. And yeah, sometimes you have to interpret "like" or "enjoy" as "does not make me want to gouge my eyes out"
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by kath on Tue Mar 29, 2016 2:38 am

And what they are really asking is "can you do this to the extent that it is required for this job". I find it a lot easier to talk to strangers when I know they exact parameters of the interaction, which in a customer service role, you do. Being chatty is not necessary, so sometimes turning it back to the requirements of the job can help, like "I know how to be polite and efficient when helping people out" or something is really all they need to know. They don't want you spending hours chatting with everyone.

Anyway, glad you can chalk that one up to experience, which was the main goal! It's a hard thing to do with a lot of moving parts, so yaaaay!
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by bomaye on Thu Apr 07, 2016 12:44 pm

In the car today my mom was all about "needing to find a way to support yourself" because "some people work three or four jobs to do that" and I just sat there and said nothing, because the things going through my head were "Not gonna happen anyways." :/
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Enail on Thu Apr 07, 2016 12:57 pm

Why do you keep telling yourself that? You've been doing well on the stuff you've been doing, you can do other things, too. And even if the whole picture is too big or too awful to deal with, there are still things you can do to start setting yourself up to be able to support yourself if you need to, without committing to the whole package - and the earlier you get started, the more options you have, including maybe being able to get by on things you can do without going out in the world. Why not try that, at least?
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Werel on Thu Apr 07, 2016 4:07 pm

^ That

Also, she's probably not talking about right now-- doubt she expects you to go from zero to self-supporting immediately. You don't need to go get 3-4 jobs in the next two months. Wink You still have time to think and feel things out and keep making the small steps you've already been making.

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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by bomaye on Thu Apr 07, 2016 9:27 pm

Nah, each step isn't an improvement, it's walking the plank. The World And Its People Do No Want Me In It, and likewise, I don't want to be among Them, I don't think highly enough to try and impress Them, I don't want to fit in with Them, I don't want anything to do with Them. Everything about this process will expose me to Them a million times more than I have right now, with nothing of value remotely returned.
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Enail on Thu Apr 07, 2016 9:33 pm

Did you actually read to the end of my post?
including maybe being able to get by on things you can do without going out in the world.

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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Werel on Thu Apr 07, 2016 9:34 pm

If you feel like it's an inevitability that your parents will make you move out/contribute financially (which it sounds like is not even a confirmed fact), is there any appeal to the idea of reducing the amount of Them you have to deal with, by setting yourself up for at-home or otherwise non-public-facing work? Like, does it seem worth it to develop a skillset that'd let you telecommute or freelance, like Enail said?

edit: like Enail said x2 Laughing
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by bomaye on Thu Apr 07, 2016 10:45 pm

Enail wrote:Did you actually read to the end of my post?
including maybe being able to get by on things you can do without going out in the world.

That seems completely unrealistic if I had to "support myself" on it :p
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Enail on Thu Apr 07, 2016 10:53 pm

Some people do manage it. It would certainly improve your situation over not doing it, in any case.
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Werel on Thu Apr 07, 2016 10:54 pm

Median hourly rate for U.S. medical transcriptionists is like $15; throw in your country's amazing safety nets and what sounds like your pretty low-cost lifestyle, and you could totally support yourself on that.

I think you're back to that thing where you just assume a path is unfeasible/hellish without knowing much about it, though, and will probably be like "I can't be a medical transcriptionist [or whatever the suggestion du jour is] cause I'm scared of blood." Razz
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by bomaye on Thu Apr 07, 2016 11:12 pm

They're replacing those people with machines and in the meantime only the experienced people would be used for anything :p
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Enail on Thu Apr 07, 2016 11:18 pm

That sounds more like a "looking for reasons not to do it" assumption than a realistic one.

So, I'm thinking you're not actually looking for suggestions or encouragement towards being able to support yourself at this point. What kind of response were you looking for when you posted about the conversation with your mom, then? Commiseration? How to tell your mom? Something else?
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by bomaye on Fri Apr 08, 2016 7:11 am

Enail wrote:That sounds more like a "looking for reasons not to do it" assumption than a realistic one.

If it was realistic to support yourself without ever leaving home, everyone would be doing it already.

Which means it's either unrealistic, or everyone else is doing it already, and people won't choose me if they have options :p


So, I'm thinking you're not actually looking for suggestions or encouragement towards being able to support yourself at this point. What kind of response were you looking for when you posted about the conversation with your mom, then? Commiseration? How to tell your mom? Something else?

It's maybe just a vent. The encouragement feels fake or like you're happy about me walking the plank, you can't really commiserate without people in the same situation, and it's better to just not say anything to her than say anything.
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by reboot on Fri Apr 08, 2016 9:11 am

Personally, I could not wait to get out of my parent's house and would live on the streets before ever going back. Do not assume everyone would prefer staying in place. Some of us need a few hundred miles between us and our families and those stuck with or near them are counting the days until they can move away Smile

My personal opinion is that as an adult, you should be contributing to the upkeep of the house in either labor or cash. Perhaps if you get a job you can negotiate how much cash and how much labor you contribute? Or you can not tell your parents for as long as possible. I am a big believer in "need to know" and until they need to know....
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by bomaye on Fri Apr 08, 2016 9:40 am

reboot wrote:Personally, I could not wait to get out of my parent's house and would live on the streets before ever going back. Do not assume everyone would prefer staying in place. Some of us need a few hundred miles between us and our families and those stuck with or near them are counting the days until they can move away Smile

Now take that specific feeling, and apply it to basically everyone, everywhere. It becomes the lesser of all evils :p


My personal opinion is that as an adult, you should be contributing to the upkeep of the house in either labor or cash. Perhaps if you get a job you can negotiate how much cash and how much labor you contribute? Or you can not tell your parents for as long as possible. I am a big believer in "need to know" and until they need to know....

That's not the situation. My sister still lives here, has a job and doesn't contribute monetarily and probably contributes a lot less than I do now to house upkeep now that her job has longer hours.
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by reboot on Fri Apr 08, 2016 11:22 am

bomaye wrote:

.....

That's not the situation. My sister still lives here, has a job and doesn't contribute monetarily and probably contributes a lot less than I do now to house upkeep now that her job has longer hours.

To me, this, coupled with what your mom said to you, sounds like some gendered BS. Your mom is probably saying that to you and not holding your sister to the same standards because you are a man. I see this in my family a lot.

My advice to you is the same as it is to the men in my family who get this from their parents: feel free to roll your eyes (in your mind or in reality) and think/say "Whatever" because it is bullshit that you need to work 3+ jobs to support yourself and your sister does not. Mom is just running her mouth and stupid is coming out
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Enail on Fri Apr 08, 2016 12:19 pm

bomaye wrote:
If it was realistic to support yourself without ever leaving home, everyone would be doing it already.

Which means it's either unrealistic, or everyone else is doing it already, and people won't choose me if they have options :p

In a trial of the "guaranteed minimum income" idea, they found that giving everyone a basic amount to live on didn't cause a huge change in how many people kept jobs or how much they worked (teenagers in school and pregnant women were the only groups that worked notably less). Most people either want more than the minimum to live on or want to have a job for reasons other than survival, not everyone feels the same way you do.

That's not to say it's easy (and there certainly are a lot of "make millions working from home" scams for people who are looking for the magical easy option). The income would probably be pretty low, and it would probably take a while to build up to the legitimate options that pay more. But it's not unfeasible, either, especially since you don't need to be making enough to support yourself for a while.

And whether or not you want to do something with it, you need to get past this idea that there's no reason an employer would want you. You are an intelligent person with good written communication skills, and that kind of internet work has entry-level options that don't care about experience available, and doesn't need the interviewing/social skills you're worried about. What is it you think a transcription service needs in a transcriber or a 'small tasks' employer needs in a small tasks-doer that's so beyond what you can offer? An awful lot of the jobs out there that people get started in are just "get shown how to do these tasks, do these tasks," and what those employers want is just someone who can learn how to do a task, possibly with basic math, language and/or computer skills, and do it, you don't have to feel like some sort of super-competent job-having person to be able to be useful to them.


So, I'm thinking you're not actually looking for suggestions or encouragement towards being able to support yourself at this point. What kind of response were you looking for when you posted about the conversation with your mom, then? Commiseration? How to tell your mom? Something else?

It's maybe just a vent. The encouragement feels fake or like you're happy about me walking the plank, you can't really commiserate without people in the same situation, and it's better to just not say anything to her than say anything.

Okay, venting it is. And feel free to ignore the part about internet work, then, if you're not wanting to discuss.

(for the record, I do mean it when I'm being encouraging, and it's not that I'm happy about you walking the plank so much as I don't want you to be in a position where you have to worry about basic needs, and I think there are ways you could avoid that without drowning)
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by bomaye on Fri Apr 08, 2016 2:16 pm

My advice to you is the same as it is to the men in my family who get this from their parents: feel free to roll your eyes (in your mind or in reality) and think/say "Whatever" because it is bullshit that you need to work 3+ jobs to support yourself and your sister does not. Mom is just running her mouth and stupid is coming out

She's saying in lacking education, eventually when I have to take care of myself I'd have to work a bunch of minimum wage jobs. My sister has a salary job.

Enail wrote:
And whether or not you want to do something with it, you need to get past this idea that there's no reason an employer would want you. You are an intelligent person with good written communication skills, and that kind of internet work has entry-level options that don't care about experience available, and doesn't need the interviewing/social skills you're worried about. What is it you think a transcription service needs in a transcriber or a 'small tasks' employer needs in a small tasks-doer that's so beyond what you can offer? An awful lot of the jobs out there that people get started in are just "get shown how to do these tasks, do these tasks," and what those employers want is just someone who can learn how to do a task, possibly with basic math, language and/or computer skills, and do it, you don't have to feel like some sort of super-competent job-having person to be able to be useful to them.

Because they want extroverted "passionate" people persons, or likeable people, or people with like job-trails and good references who did everything at the right time. That's how you get those jobs. I'm not any of those things, I don't know how to pretend to be any of those things, I don't want to be independent and I just want to be left alone. But you can't retire or whatever on being left alone, and people don't like you if you don't want to interact with them, and small tasks on the internet is getting paid cents to do things which isn't going to do much of anything for anything.
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Enail on Fri Apr 08, 2016 2:58 pm

bomaye wrote:
Because they want extroverted "passionate" people persons, or likeable people, or people with like job-trails and good references who did everything at the right time. That's how you get those jobs. I'm not any of those things, I don't know how to pretend to be any of those things, I don't want to be independent and I just want to be left alone. But you can't retire or whatever on being left alone, and people don't like you if you don't want to interact with them, and small tasks on the internet is getting paid cents to do things which isn't going to do much of anything for anything.

They don't care about any of those things for the starter transcription/small tasks stuff. The transcription people want to see you can do it - which you absolutely can if you put in some work on it - and the small task people just want you to jump in and do it. Doing the lower paid transcription for a while gives you a reference and an experience trail that opens up higher paid transcription opportunities; doing the small tasks that pay cents gives you a track record on the site which gradually opens up small tasks that pay dollars.

Some of the details are different, but in a lot of ways it's basically how a lot of people get started in jobs - they take jobs for crappier pay, maybe it's babysitting when they're 14, maybe it's building a website for $50 when they're 23, and then that gives them a trail that shows they can do a thing, which makes other people think they can do a thing, which gets them a job, which gets them a better paying job. Yes, it helps to be extroverted or passionate or likeable or do things at the right time (though this kind of internet stuff sidesteps that a fair bit), but people who aren't those things get jobs too, by showing people they can do a thing and working their way up from there.

I know you don't want to do it or deal with independence or any of it, but that's not an option most people get, and realistically you're probably not going to have that option forever. I think it would be a good idea to start now on a path that will let you manage in a way that's tolerable for you when that time comes, but even if you aren't going to do that, just keeping a sense of your options will serve you a lot better in the long run than telling yourself you're incapable of doing something that someone would pay you money for and letting your hole-poking ability run so wild it turns potentially viable options into impossibility.
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Werel on Fri Apr 08, 2016 4:16 pm

bomaye wrote:If it was realistic to support yourself without ever leaving home, everyone would be doing it already.
Nah, a whole lot of people prefer leaving the house for work (I'd go insane working from home), so your competition for at-home work is at least smaller than 100% of the population.

bomaye wrote:It's maybe just a vent. The encouragement feels fake or like you're happy about me walking the plank, you can't really commiserate without people in the same situation, and it's better to just not say anything to her than say anything.
Roger that. FWIW I also mean it when being encouraging, but I also don't think there's anything intrinsically wrong with just wanting to stay in your house forever if you can swing it & I honestly hope you can ride that gravy train as long as possible, so maybe that ambivalence comes off as fake. Razz

But like Enail said, it probably isn't possible to ride that gravy train forever, so the earnest hope is that you find an okay way to meet your needs after that train departs.

bomaye wrote:Because they want extroverted "passionate" people persons, or likeable people, or people with like job-trails and good references who did everything at the right time. That's how you get those jobs.
Yeah, but passionate likeable people-persons with lots of experience and references and a perfect timeline are like.... a fraction of people. The vast majority of positions still need to be filled by people who are not that. So you're really just in competition with everyone else who is not those things. Wink
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