[adv] How to reject someone

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[adv] How to reject someone Empty [adv] How to reject someone

Post by Gman on Sun Jul 12, 2015 12:33 pm

Well I opened this as a new thread here because I couldn't find anything dedicated to rejection so I'm starting this thread as a "How To reject someone" advice thread, where people can get help on stuff like this.

So here's my situation:

It all started a week ago, when I decided to turn to woman friend of mine and help me with my dating situation. There is this local facebook group where only women are allowed and then they may post about thier male friends who are looking for a relationship and then the women in that group can contact said man directly through facebook. So I decided to use this and a friend of mine who is a member of that group, posted about me there (under my agreement of course).

After a short while I get exactly 2 messages. The first one I ignored because said women didn't interest me. The second one however seemed like a friendly person. We chatted a bit and we seem to have a lot in common "on paper" (life beliefs, values, etc.). She pushed rather early on to move to phone texting and we have been texting all last week, which was fine. Until yesterday.

Yesterday she decided to call me, after suggesting to meetup but not being able to find a good time next week to meetup. As soon as I heard her voice - my interest level went from 50%ish to almost minus 100%.....   Sad . Everything about the way she talked sounded either like she was trying to hard to impress or sounding extremely nervous to the point of hyper talking and trying to "fix" things I never really thought about them until she brought them up. For example, I told her "so next week seems to be bad for the two of us, so how about we'll talk through this week and see how next weeks shapes up?" to which to she took a very long and convulted response that summed up to "it's just I thought we could meetup this week but I have A and B and you have C and D so please don't take this like I am SUPER PRESSURING or clingy or... (etc)." Also, something about her voice just seemed really odd to me and simply put me off to be honest   Shrug  

Now I don't want to continue communicating with her... but I feel like a hypocrite. I know that this could all just be that maybe she is inexperienced or socially awkward and I know how that feels so I don't want to be too judgemental and maybe try to give it a chance. But on the other hand my gut insticnt is telling me that I don't even now have a hint of interest in her anymore, so why bother and waste both of our time (she also doesn't live in my city and is actually at a distance of at least 1 hour drive by car from me).

So I think about just texting her tommorrow and telling her that I had some thoughts and realized that while she is a very friendly person, I don't see this evolving anywhere further (or something like that). Any suggestions perhaps as to how to kindly reject her?
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Post by eselle28 on Sun Jul 12, 2015 1:06 pm

I'd go with something neutral like your "I don't see this evolving," suggestion. I'd suggest saying that you enjoyed getting to know her (which was presumably true prior to the phone call) rather than remarking on anything specific like "friendly" though. That kind of comment can lead to over analyzing.
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Post by reboot on Sun Jul 12, 2015 1:39 pm

I agree with eselle. Just make it a neutral, "It was great getting to know you, but I do not think we are compatible, so let's stop now. Best wishes/take care/friendly closing of your preference."

You are not being a jerk. A jerk move would be dragging it out when you already know you are not attracted to her.
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Post by Nerdator on Sun Jul 12, 2015 5:31 pm

Gman wrote:There is this local facebook group where only women are allowed and then they may post about thier male friends who are looking for a relationship and then the women in that group can contact said man directly through facebook.

So, the conspiracy is real!
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Post by Gman on Sun Jul 12, 2015 5:39 pm

Nerdator wrote:
Gman wrote:There is this local facebook group where only women are allowed and then they may post about thier male friends who are looking for a relationship and then the women in that group can contact said man directly through facebook.

So, the conspiracy is real!

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Post by Conreezy on Mon Jul 13, 2015 12:08 am

You are not being a jerk. A jerk move would be dragging it out when you already know you are not attracted to her.

Agreed. Trying to force it when you already feel put-off won't do anybody any favors. If you feel like it's not that bad, and you do give it a chance, which isn't an entirely unreasonable thing to do, be ready to have to do the break-up in the very near future.

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Post by Gman on Mon Jul 13, 2015 3:17 am

Conreezy wrote:
You are not being a jerk. A jerk move would be dragging it out when you already know you are not attracted to her.

Agreed.  Trying to force it when you already feel put-off won't do anybody any favors.  If you feel like it's not that bad, and you do give it a chance, which isn't an entirely unreasonable thing to do, be ready to have to do the break-up in the very near future.  

Yeah I know. But I guess that sometimes things just turn you off and that's that.... so I won't drag this along then. I'll break things off right after my exam today.
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