Changing habits and attitudes + discussing dating methods

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Changing habits and attitudes + discussing dating methods Empty Changing habits and attitudes + discussing dating methods

Post by BobTheNinja on Mon Jul 13, 2015 11:13 pm

I'm a creature of habit, and have been for a long time now. It's an aspect of myself that I find frustrating, especially because procrastination and risk aversion are part of those habits, and it's really difficult for me to make substantial, long-lasting lifestyle changes. I've graduated from college debt free (thank you parents!), but now it turns out that I don't know what I REALLY want to do for a career, and I've found that most of the time I can't be arsed to use my free time to find better work than my current, very basic job. I've decided to try studying computer security with my dad, see if I can earn some certifications, but it's been a really slow start. This same lack of motivation applies to my social and dating life. It's so much easier for me to just keep doing my regular hobbies and just chat with friends over the internet than to actually make the effort of going out and meeting people at cool events in real life, situations where I might actually meet someone who would be interested in me as a boyfriend/partner.

Lately I've read a number of advice articles that have essentially stated that just deciding to take action despite any mental arguments about it is a good way to change and build new habits, so that change isn't so daunting any more. As Shia LaBeouf said in his motivational speech on YouTube: "JUST DO IT!!". So I may need to just cut through the mental bullshit and do stuff anyway, despite any misgivings or uncertainty I have, because right now, I feel like I'm stagnating. I love my hobbies and the mental rewards that they provide, but there are aspects of my life that I feel need improvement, and clinging to my habits to avoid discomfort and hardship has regularly hindered me from making that happen. If you guys have any tips on this particular subject, I'd love to hear it.

The other subject I want to address is how to actually go about dating. The above issues mean that I haven't gone out to meet people nearly as much as I probably should, and I keep giving up on online dating because I can't seem to gain anyone's interest (so far the only programs I've tried are OKCupid and Tinder). The thing is though, I regularly talk with people online through my forum board, and through that, I've made friends with people on Skype and connected to new people that way. We have great chats, and many of them have even been open to sexual roleplaying. I've also been to sites specifically for sexual RPs and made plenty of acquaintances there with no problem. Sadly, there appears to be no equivalent kind of institution for real life sex, except for maybe casual sex websites and swinger clubs, and those come with a boatload of problems of their own, and I don't think they're an option for me.

My point is that online interaction seems to be one of my strong suits, and I can't help but think that I should try and turn that to my advantage, rather than trying to dive straight into regularly meeting new people in person. But my latest approaches for online dating haven't been successful, and that's been feeding into my motivation-killing problem. I'm now looking into Craigslist as a potential avenue for talking with girls online and seeing if I can gain interest that way, but I'd like to hear some suggestions from you guys as well.

EDIT: Welp, just now decided to take a chance and replied to a FWB ad on Craigslist. No guarantees, but it seems a lot easier to reply to someone who's already looking for action. Don't know how well things will go, but hey, it's better than sitting around doing nothing. And if it doesn't work out, I'll try again with someone else.
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Post by PintsizeBro on Tue Jul 14, 2015 7:19 pm

I've had decent success on Craigslist meeting men, but I can't weigh in on what it's like to meet women there. But hey, it's easy to post an ad. You never know who you'll find. The people on Craigslist are just normal people.

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Post by Bumble on Tue Jul 14, 2015 7:55 pm

I feel the same about how its easier to communicate online and i especially like how you can kind of learn enough about someone through their profile to decide if you want to send them a message. At the same time i think online dating is kind of a trap because it's super easy and comfortable and you feel like you're doing something when actually you really haven't challenged yourself at all and if you're like me you'll use it for years without finding a date.

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Post by BobTheNinja on Thu Jul 16, 2015 2:11 am

I've started actively responding to ads in the casual encounters section of Craigslist, even got an a reply back from one of the ladies (it was a polite turn down, but hey, at least she answered back, and I thanked her for that.) Gonna check in daily and keep firing responses until I get a hit, not gonna worry about the ones that don't respond.
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Post by Perlandra on Fri Jul 17, 2015 10:54 pm

I'm glad your attitude is more positive about it! I have a couple of friends who've had Craigslist personals work out well for their needs, but from what I understand it's a lot more uneven quality than even other OLD sites.

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