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Post by Guest on Tue Jul 14, 2015 1:56 am

I get the feeling all this advice is not working, I understand that all of you want me to be happy, but I am considering getting my dating advice somewhere else. I am not seeing results... I understand therapy helps but it takes too much time, I cannot wait years improve my luck, time is a luxury I simply do not have. I don't want to wait until I am 90 to find my first partner, I want an immature, hot and passionate relationship while I am still young and energetic, so... I will no longer accept any suggestions of therapy, I simply will not waste my time, I wasted 25 years of my life, I am not wasting another 25! the only advice I will accept is one that guarantees success and results in a short amount of time. I am sorry but this is the only effective course of action, I do not want to wait.

I expect success in 1 year. no more, preferably less.

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Post by BiSian on Tue Jul 14, 2015 2:20 am

There is no method that guarantees success, particularly in a short amount of time.
If you think you can find it elsewhere, good luck.
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Post by Guest on Tue Jul 14, 2015 2:26 am

BiSian wrote:There is no method that guarantees success, particularly in a short amount of time.
If you think you can find it elsewhere, good luck.
There is, the problem is everyone is telling me to go to therapy instead of giving me advice that actually works.

Somehow the PUA stuff is very tempting but I would rather chew broken glass...

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Post by eselle28 on Tue Jul 14, 2015 2:50 am

<mod>I know you're frustrated, Alex, and it's okay that you don't want certain kinds of advice. However, it's unfair to your fellow community members to insist upon receiving advice that will work within a year. No one can promise that. People can listen to you and sympathize with you and refrain from mentioning therapy, but they can't always give you the kind of advice you want.</mod>
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Post by BiSian on Tue Jul 14, 2015 2:51 am

Oh yeah? Well I sure as hell don't know what it is.
If I had a perfect method to fix my life, I'd have used it by now. Shrug.
Do you honestly think we have a magic wand that can perfectly fix everything about your life you want fixed? Come on man.
PUA can't magically fix your life either. But some of them are trying to sell you something, so they might tell you differently.
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Post by BasedBuzzed on Tue Jul 14, 2015 6:26 am

Try Mark Manson then, as he has a tad more can-do about his advice. Do know that this will entail going out there more, which is its own form of desensitization towards rejection.

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Post by reboot on Tue Jul 14, 2015 8:45 am

Alex, we are just people posting here in our free time. We are not your employees. You cannot order us to produce advice that works for you in a specific timeframe. If the advice here does not work for you, consider seeking other sources and/or an IRL professional
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Post by Guest on Tue Jul 14, 2015 10:14 am

reboot wrote:Alex, we are just people posting here in our free time. We are not your employees. You cannot order us to produce advice that works for you in a specific timeframe. If the advice here does not work for you, consider seeking other sources and/or an IRL professional
This better not be a suggestion for therapy... Just read this, this is why therapy does not work, only love and compassion can fix my problems, not therapy:


"Mainstream therapy, psychology or whatever name you want to give it, is by it’s very nature, cold, uncaring, and cruel and does little to actually change people, the way they feel about themselves or there circumstances.

I believe the core problem underneath so called “mental illness”, is the belief by the person suffering is that they are not loved, valued or excepted for who they truly are. The symptoms of this may be manifested in different ways. Some will create a reality of their own to escape into a imaginary world , some will become extremely depressed, in others they may be violent or have intense hatred for other people, Some will become narcissistic to make up for the core belief they are not good enough. The reasons for developing this belief can vary but many in cases it stems from childhood abuse, physical or sexual, neglect, or all of the above. For others it maybe that some just can’t live up to societies standards of attractiveness, financial success, or relationships. The reasons can be complicated.

Therapists are taught never to reveal anything about themselves so there’s no relating with the client. They can never be friends with the client even if they want to. They can’t give or except gifts. In other words a therapist is supposed to have a wall between the person their suppose to be helping and themselves. True love and compassion is to never be shown. Some will attempt to show these things during the sessions but love without any action is dead and meaningless. Sometimes the client will come away from the session feeling a little better but ultimately they know deep down inside the therapist probably doesn’t really care about them or at least that’s the message communicated by following these ridiculous rules. Maybe some therapists actually like it this way since it means they don’t actually have to do anything except prescribe meds and listen to the client. Some therapists are extremely fake and can’t stand the client and laughs at them behind their back even after the person has opened up to them about embarrassing personnel traumas. In the real world we would call this cruel but psychotherapy considers this ethical standard practice.

In many cases the client will come away feeling even more hurt, uncared for, and even traumatized after going to therapy. Sometimes the client may even commit suicide. But Psychology is never held accountable, it’s always the clients fault. In someways it’s almost similar to a abused victim being blamed for their own abuse.

This is just my opinion of why therapy is often ineffective and even harmful."

This guy pretty much nailed it, Next time think about this before suggesting therapy for me.
Emphasis mine.

Source:  http://www.madinamerica.com/forums/topic/my-opinion-of-why-therapy-doesnt-work/

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Post by reboot on Tue Jul 14, 2015 10:28 am

Alex, I am not suggesting anything other than to stop giving orders to deliver you a solution. We are not professionals and we do not work for you. We are giving you what we have. If it is not enough then you probably need other sources of advice. We are not your damned servants.

I know I am coming down hard on you, but really think about what you are asking a bunch of casual forum posters to do. You have gotten our best and if it is not enough, then it is not enough.
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Post by Guest on Tue Jul 14, 2015 10:32 am

guess this is another site that did not help me at all...

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Post by eselle28 on Tue Jul 14, 2015 10:36 am

<mod>I'm not sure there are any productive avenues for this thread, so I'm locking it.</mod>
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Post by reboot on Tue Jul 14, 2015 10:40 am

No one site is going to give you a solution. Everyone needs multiple sources of advice. If I remember correctly you are bisexual, so you might want to consider adding some LGBTQ support groups to your sources, preferably ones based in PR because they have a better handle on local climate towards LGBTQ people. You might also want to consider adding some survivors of child abuse/neglect support forums because of your family.
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