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Post by Tennessee Ed on Wed Jul 29, 2015 12:45 pm

I had a promising conversation with a lady on OKC last month, but it fizzled out.  Yesterday, she messaged me asking "Still up for talking?"  I totally would be, but I have a second date with another lined up for tonight.  

I don't want to make any decisions about either woman this early on, so I don't want to tell the OKC lady "no".  But I'm not sure it's fair to or I would be successful at splitting my attention.  How do people handle having multiple interests without being like "hey, you're my second choice"?  Is it generally understood that people on OLD sites might be chatting with and making plans with multiple people until the exclusivity talk happens?

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Post by Caffeinated on Wed Jul 29, 2015 1:29 pm

I've always seen it as understood that a relationship isn't exclusive until the people in it agree to make it exclusive. But some people get upset thinking about the person they're dating (or even just messaging in the interest of dating) seeing anyone else, so...
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Post by eselle28 on Wed Jul 29, 2015 1:59 pm

If it were me, I'd shoot something coy/challenging back to the first person ("Maybe. Do you have something fascinating you'd like to talk about?"), and then go on my date and have fun. You're not bound to monogamy with the second woman, but the first did let your conversation drop off, and I think should have to initiate a topic of you're going to give her more of your time.
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Post by Tennessee Ed on Wed Jul 29, 2015 2:21 pm

That's an interesting approach. Seems kind of arrogant, I wouldn't enjoy hearing that from someone I was hoping wanted to talk to me.  It's hard to imagine she would appreciate that.  But what do I know?

I was thinking of just saying "Only if it's over coffee, when works for you?".  

I'm glad that I'm not out of line thinking about scheduling two dates with different women in one week.  Never been in that position before.

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Post by nearly_takuan on Wed Jul 29, 2015 3:33 pm

I mean. She dropped you before. So either she took a break for some totally unrelated reason or you're her N>1th choice too.

I like your line, though. Turns a hazy "meh" return to a hazy "meh" conversation into an actual opportunity to do stuff.
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Post by Werel on Wed Jul 29, 2015 4:03 pm

Seconding takuan-- the coffee line is good. Cuts off the opportunity for it to be another meandering month of go-nowhere chats (which can be fun, but probably not what you're looking for here). And no, you're not a dog for scheduling two dates in a week. Razz You're not exclusive with either of these people, so why not go ahead and see if you're in-person compatible?
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Post by Tennessee Ed on Wed Jul 29, 2015 4:58 pm

Thanks guys, plans are made. Smile

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Post by Perlandra on Thu Jul 30, 2015 12:48 am

I agree that the "sure, for coffee" approach is good, and that "only if you have something interesting to say" would be unnecessarily rude/harsh. I agree with the others that scheduling two dates in the same week is fine! I actually had 3 dates in one day a couple of weeks ago! I wouldn't normally schedule things that tightly, but it was a bit on the far end of the range I'm open to (about an hour and a half away), and the other two contacted me after I'd already made plans with the first one to be there. So, the logistics worked out well.

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