I finally know what its like to be mocked as a virgin

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I finally know what its like to be mocked as a virgin Empty I finally know what its like to be mocked as a virgin

Post by Jayce on Sat Sep 05, 2015 10:42 pm

Most of the time other men never ask me about my sex life, they just always assume things are going right for me. Until last night where I was at a friend's birthday at a restaurant where every one of his friends was male and I didn't know any of them. He had this other friend who's around 30 years old, who just got divorced, he kept talking about sex every two minutes, made uncomfortable sexual jokes, which girl he wants to have sex with, he kept showing photos of other women he gone out with, to brag to us, or to actually say bad things about her. He asked me if I had a girlfriend like he asked several other men, and I said no. He wanted to know further so he asked why not? I said well, there's been people I'm into but they weren't into me, there were some people that were into me, but I wasn't into them, so the mutuality just hasn't worked out. He then went on about me being picky for a bit but he seemed to back off cause I guess he assumed I was attractive to women cause he told me he thought I was conventionally attractive. I seemed like someone who would be successful in dating to him so I thought the conversation about my dating life was going to end there.

Later on in the night he was talking to the group about how he used to being a virgin, and a lot of them shared their virginity stories. He was badgering some other people he didn't know too well in the group if they were virgins or not. He then asked me how many girls have I had sex with, and he said you have had sex with a lot of girls right, I mean you're a pretty good looking guy. I said none, he just wouldn't believe me so he kept going how many?

He just wouldn't get off the topic, and just said you can't be a virgin, if you are a virgin then we are all virgins, stop lying to me and just tell me how many. He then joked to me, if you are a virgin then I'm the biggest virgin as well! Wait, seriously are you actually a virgin? I just said yeah in a very casual tone, every time he kept asking me, cause in the end the worst thing he could do was make fun of me and I didn't feel like making up a story about having sex just to appease him.

He went on to hassle the other people in the group he didn't know, if they were virgins. A bit later he went back to me, and said are you a virgin, really? No you're not. Soon he seemed to believe me because I just said the same responses I said last time "yeah". Then he switched advice mode, that we should just stick our penises in the first person that liked us, like what he did. He also did his best attempt at some insults like "oh my god you don't know what pussy feels like".

The shame of being a virgin definitely ties in with masculinity. During the night he was trying really hard to be masculine in what ways he can. Him and one other friend also talked crap about why some of us were buying girly drinks at the bar, kept insulting his ex wife, kept making insulting and disgusting statements about women like a woman on her period is disgusting. I don't know him very well but I assume maybe his divorce was really bad and now he's taking it out on other people.

So yeah I finally experienced the whole being a virgin shame, like in those high school movies. It's actually not that bad at all, most of the jokes just revolve around you never having had sex before. And I guess at 20 years old, people more often than not assumed I've had sex already. And most people don't voice their opinions about these things, the rest of the group didn't comment about my virginity at all, its just him who was an asshole about it and won't drop the topic. Good thing I don't think my virginity is a big deal, so he never had the chance to make me feel really anxious or very defensive about it.


My friend definitely has quite a few friends who buy into the whole toxic masculinity thing. Good thing is, out of all that I actually made two new friends and when the divorce guy left they told me they were relieved since he was making them uncomfortable as well.

And now that the worst case scenario has actually happened to me I actually feel a better about being a virgin.

I just want to ask, have any of you also had experienced these worst case scenarios where people are making fun of your virginity?

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I finally know what its like to be mocked as a virgin Empty Re: I finally know what its like to be mocked as a virgin

Post by eselle28 on Sat Sep 05, 2015 11:21 pm

Wow, that guy sounds like an incredibly creepy asshole. Sorry you had to deal with him.
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I finally know what its like to be mocked as a virgin Empty Re: I finally know what its like to be mocked as a virgin

Post by BasedBuzzed on Sun Sep 06, 2015 7:04 am

If it's not your virginity, it's how long your dry spell lasted. Ergo, this never stops.

If you want to banter back, inquire after his STIs, pull up some altright junk science of why bonking around forever reroutes the brain into fetishism and inability to pair-bond, ask if he's offering to relieve of your anal virginity and ask him what percentage of the ladies he fucked were utterly sloshed. This also is a good litmus test of what kind of type he is: people who banter should always have the spine to get backtalk without throwing a hissyfit, but this dude sounds massively insecure.

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Post by Nerdator on Sun Sep 06, 2015 10:29 am

What, did the prick leave the party with his nose intact?

Also, why disclose personal information like this to strangers at all? People should be told where to go to and whose genitals to fondle for questions like this – with degrees of politeness depending on how much of an obnoxious arse the asker is.
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Post by reboot on Sun Sep 06, 2015 10:34 am

Rule number one: never share personal information with someone who has been making you uncomfortable or who has been badmouthing others. I am sorry that happened to you, it sounds miserable.

EDIT: For future reference, answering the girlfriend question was as far as it should go. If someone like that continues to press the topic (and they always do), respond with, "Why do you care about my dating life? I certainly do not care about yours." And change the subject/turn to talk to someone else. If the person presses the issue, just look at them funny and do not answer. They will probably get pushy about it, but let them. It is boundary pushing at that point and they are being a jerk.
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Post by Enail on Sun Sep 06, 2015 11:13 am

Wowwww, what a creeepy-ass jerk. Sorry you had to deal with that, and glad it left you feeling better in the end, not worse.
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Post by nearly_takuan on Tue Sep 08, 2015 2:06 am

BasedBuzzed wrote:this dude sounds massively insecure.

This.

Which might be part of why it didn't end up feeling all that bad and it won you support from some other folks.

I think it's worse when it's coming from someone who clearly does have both self-respect and the respect of others in your social circle(s). You've still got that to look forward to.
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Post by Andrew Corvero on Tue Sep 08, 2015 1:14 pm

The guy seems like a very insecure prat. I'm glad you didn't feel bad in the end, that's what really matters.

reboot wrote:Rule number one: never share personal information with someone who has been making you uncomfortable or who has been badmouthing others. I am sorry that happened to you, it sounds miserable.

EDIT: For future reference, answering the girlfriend question was as far as it should go. If someone like that continues to press the topic (and they always do), respond with, "Why do you care about my dating life? I certainly do not care about yours." And change the subject/turn to talk to someone else. If the person presses the issue, just look at them funny and do not answer. They will probably get pushy about it, but let them. It is boundary pushing at that point and they are being a jerk.

Quoted for truth. The best answers are along the lines of "it's not your business". Maybe (if you can and you feel like it) turn it around, and make a joke about him, something like "why do you want to know, are you flirting with me? Sorry, you're not my type, you ask too many questions".

I've tried it once with someone who was a little too obsessed with my dating life. The other people who were there laughed, and he looked like a prick (which was not too far from how he was behaving).

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I finally know what its like to be mocked as a virgin Empty Re: I finally know what its like to be mocked as a virgin

Post by Jayce on Thu Sep 10, 2015 6:13 am

reboot wrote:Rule number one: never share personal information with someone who has been making you uncomfortable or who has been badmouthing others. I am sorry that happened to you, it sounds miserable.

EDIT: For future reference, answering the girlfriend question was as far as it should go. If someone like that continues to press the topic (and they always do), respond with, "Why do you care about my dating life? I certainly do not care about yours." And change the subject/turn to talk to someone else. If the person presses the issue, just look at them funny and do not answer. They will probably get pushy about it, but let them. It is boundary pushing at that point and they are being a jerk.

Nerdator wrote:What, did the prick leave the party with his nose intact?

Also, why disclose personal information like this to strangers at all? People should be told where to go to and whose genitals to fondle for questions like this – with degrees of politeness depending on how much of an obnoxious arse the asker is.

I didn't really felt like it was really too super personal, I was practising the whole being a virgin isn't a big deal thing so I treated it like a "have you eaten sushi before" kind of question. I didn't give him a personal answer to the virgin question either, I just said the word yeah. I also learnt from theatre that when someone insults you or is trying to provoke you, if you don't say anything much and just ignore them, and they start acting up, its usually them who looks more like an idiot so I didn't bother to say anything back either.

Part of it was also a bit of a social experiment. I just wondered, hmm what will people actually say, if they ask me about sex and virginity and I actually just told them I've never done it before. I don't want to pretend that I'm not worried. I actually want to not worry about it.

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