How do you make conversation?

Go down

How do you make conversation? Empty How do you make conversation?

Post by dustyteal on Wed Sep 09, 2015 7:00 pm

I have a problem: I have the opposite of the gift of gab. Whether I'm with strangers, people I know well, like my mom or boyfriend, or anyone in between, I never seem to have anything to say. My attempts at conversation always die very quickly. For example, the other night I was with a friend, and I asked him, "What have you been up to?" He said "Nothing much," and I had no idea how to respond to that. We spent the rest of our time hanging out in awkward silence.

My boyfriend is on the autism spectrum and says he also has difficulty making conversation. We spend most of our time together in silence. We don't have flowing conversations, rather one of us will make a comment once in a while, which might lead to a couple minutes of conversation if we're lucky, and then we will be quiet again. I don't feel as awkward about silence with him - it can even be companionable and comfortable - but I do wish we could connect better. We like each other and have many common interests, we're just both quiet and socially awkward. I honestly have no idea how I managed to get into a relationship, with as socially challenged as I am. I would also like to be more at ease with his friends and family, instead of just sitting around awkwardly at gatherings with nothing to say.

My difficulty with conversation makes me dread social situations. My life would be a lot better if I could be free of this anxiety and socialize smoothly. If anyone has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

dustyteal

Posts : 9
Reputation : 1
Join date : 2015-03-17

View user profile

Back to top Go down

How do you make conversation? Empty Re: How do you make conversation?

Post by eselle28 on Wed Sep 09, 2015 7:16 pm

In that particular situation, I think it would be best to ask more specific questions: "Have you gotten any further in Witcher since we last talked?" or "How is your dog doing? Is she recovering okay from her surgery?" Granted, those are both pretty close-ended, so they're best for topics your friend likes to talk about and might expand upon without prompting. Sometimes a story followed by a question that leaves the opportunity for you to talk more works too: "I went to New Restaurant for lunch last week, and the pumpkin soup they're making for fall is great. Have you been there lately?" "Oh, you haven't? Where do you usually get lunch - or do you pack yours?" Also, since you're friends, something like, "So it looks like Tom Brady's not suspended after all. What do you think of that whole mess?" or "Wow, Donald Trump just keeps saying the most ridiculous things. Do you think he actually might end up being president?" might work if you know your friend isn't touchy about whatever topic you're seeking an opinion on.

(Also, it sounds like it wasn't just you who was responsible for the lapse in conversation. Your friend wasn't helping much either - maybe because he's awkward too, or maybe because he was tired.)
eselle28
eselle28
General Oversight Moderator

Posts : 1994
Reputation : 999
Join date : 2014-09-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

How do you make conversation? Empty Re: How do you make conversation?

Post by Caffeinated on Wed Sep 09, 2015 7:56 pm

Some people are easier to do activities with than to just have conversation with. My father-in-law, for example, while a dear and wonderful person, has around him the vortex of conversational fizzling. When we go to see him, it's usually very little time before someone gets out a board game or a deck of cards, and we play games together. When playing games, it's easier to talk because we can talk about the game itself.
Caffeinated
Caffeinated

Posts : 455
Reputation : 273
Join date : 2014-12-08

View user profile

Back to top Go down

How do you make conversation? Empty Re: How do you make conversation?

Post by dustyteal on Fri Sep 11, 2015 3:15 pm

Thank you eselle28, I will try asking something more specific next time. Caffeinated, I think it would take some of the pressure off of me to have some kind of activity going on instead of just talking. I will try learning some card games. Thank you.

dustyteal

Posts : 9
Reputation : 1
Join date : 2015-03-17

View user profile

Back to top Go down

How do you make conversation? Empty Re: How do you make conversation?

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum