Shame and Weight

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Re: Shame and Weight

Post by BiSian on Fri Sep 11, 2015 7:28 am

reboundstudent wrote:

Meanwhile I have my yearly insurance physical coming up, and at 135 pounds, I'm considered "overweight/obese" and thus have to pay a higher premium.

ARGH! Those motherf***ing "standards" and their stupid definitions of "obese"....mutters rude things about assholes who used to make my patients sad because they felt the need to call them unhealthy due to a crappy definition of that doesn't take anything into account besides numbers on a scale.
Jedi hugs rebound--I don't have any answers. My body's the way that it is and I mostly accept that--helps taht I watched my mom, who's built like me, exercise 2-5 hours a day and stay the same size. Also helps that my body's default is close to the "ideal" for proper lady-person size, BARF.

Also, Nerdator: you obviously don't know anything about weight loss so how's about you go away.
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Re: Shame and Weight

Post by litterature on Fri Sep 11, 2015 7:30 am

I think it was you who had some bad experiences with doctors, but is visiting your endocrinologist an option? I went when I was a pre-teen and I found it helpful...

By the way, I'm not overweight at all but I'm not terribly happy about my body so I've been dieting for 6 months now without any noticeable drop in weight so I'm pretty sure this is a common thing that happens to a lot of people.

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Re: Shame and Weight

Post by fakely mctest on Fri Sep 11, 2015 8:42 am

[mod]Nerdator, that sort of language and highly personal attack is completely unacceptable. This is your chance to take a voluntary break and cool down. If you can't do that then we will do it for you.[/mod]

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Re: Shame and Weight

Post by Nerdator on Fri Sep 11, 2015 10:24 am

fakely mctest wrote:[mod]Nerdator, that sort of language and highly personal attack is completely unacceptable.  This is your chance to take a voluntary break and cool down.  If you can't do that then we will do it for you.[/mod]

Do whatever you please, but keep in mind you're essentially tone-trolling here. Am I happy about RBS pissily and off-the-cuff rejecting my reasonable and well-intended advice? No! She puts words into my mouth and she gets them back! Except when I say them my words are deleted, because mine are –oh– slightly more irritating. Well, screw this, RBS clearly isn't looking for help anyway.
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Re: Shame and Weight

Post by Enail on Fri Sep 11, 2015 10:29 am

<mod>Yeah, no. Doubling down on your argument is not really what we were looking for here. And if you want to argue with mods, do it by PM, not in the thread. Please take a week off and reread the guidelines before you try posting again. <mod>
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Re: Shame and Weight

Post by ChrissyOrig on Fri Sep 11, 2015 11:53 am

reboundstudent wrote:So I'm really tired of being overweight. I want to eat more, but if I do that, then I'll never lose the weight. I feel so much shame around my eating already, especially when I slip up and go slightly over my limit (which I usually try to burn off through cardio.) I'm so tired of feeling ashamed and anxious about the way I look, but I also hate how I feel physically. What do I do? I feel so helpless and lost.

Hi Marty, It seems like there are a couple of issues here. One is your actual, factual weight that you're not happy with. Second is your appearance, influenced by your weight (and height/weight/body build combo). So based on my experiences, here are some ideas that may or may not appeal to you.

For actual weight, I remember that you've tried various diets and not really been too happy with them. So, first, I would start off by paying very close attention (and writing it down if possible) as to how your body feels when you eat different foods and at what time of day. I was miserable for years, having digestive issues, feeling achy, sometimes weak, just crappy in general. Now, maybe I have the greatest doctor in the world, but she helped me find out what was going on with foods/digestion/allergies or sensitivies, etc. But I did the work of tracking it for months so we could try to find a pattern and check it out with lab tests. So, in the end, it turns out I'm sensitive to gluten (but don't have celiac disease). I do better with mostly low-glycemic foods. The best plan for me was eating low-glycemic, low-gluten South Beach. It took about 2 1/2 years for us to figure it out. Now, I feel great and have no digestive issues at all. Every body is different, but you're the only one who can deduce (with help) what really works for you. If you do try South Beach, the first 2 weeks are complete torture (to me). Don't recommend starting it during any kind of stressful time. After the 1st 2 weeks, it was fine. No more cravings or up-and-down blood sugar, etc.

You mentioned that according to some charts, you are considered overweight or obese. What is supposed to be your ideal weight? Just make sure you are being realistic (i.e., not taking the word of idiots on the Internet). Even if that ideal is more than what you want, just temporarily set it as a goal.

The second part has to do with appearance. The same body at the same weight can look different, depending on how you are exercising. Methods that work on your core (Pilates, Callanetics) can help you reshape your body (within limits) without losing weight. Typically, your midsection will be tighter, your posture better, and your butt more firm, round and higher-up. So that can help, even at the same weight.

The last thing is overall exercise. I was able to use diet and regular exercise to get to the top of my weight range. But I wanted to lose more. The only way I was going to do that was to increase exercise, ideally with some interval training. It was really important to me, so I exercise 2 hours every day (with an occasional Sunday off). One hour of swimming. One hour of mixed cardio and core.  And to do this, I have to give up a lot of other activities. Not everyone is willing to give up so much for that. But I think you have to know yourself and how important it is to you.

Like I said, every body is different. I think it takes a LOT of trial and error to find what works for you. If this is important to you, try to keep an open mind and keep experimenting. Best to you!

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Re: Shame and Weight

Post by reboot on Fri Sep 11, 2015 12:14 pm

Another thing to consider is your stress levels. There is a decent body of research that shows chronic stress of specific types makes it hard to lose weight and often makes people gain even if diet and exercise are controlled for (Article, Article, Article, Article - there are more, just go to PubMed and search stress and weight gain)

If I remember correctly, you are working full time, in school, and trying to save for a house and dog which indicates you are under constant psychosocial stress (as opposed to life event stress). You may not be able to lose weight until you are out of school and reduce stress.

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Re: Shame and Weight

Post by OtherRoooToo on Sat Sep 12, 2015 3:26 pm

reboot wrote:Another thing to consider is your stress levels. There is a decent body of research that shows chronic stress of specific types makes it hard to lose weight and often makes people gain even if diet and exercise are controlled for (Article, Article, Article, Article - there are more, just go to PubMed and search stress and weight gain)

If I remember correctly, you are working full time, in school, and trying to save for a house and dog which indicates you are under constant psychosocial stress (as opposed to life event stress). You may not be able to lose weight until you are out of school and reduce stress.



I've not only read about this but also experienced it.   The hormone to blame is cortisol.

I think it's amazing how many things contribute to our bodies (particularly lady-bodies) kind of refusing to release weight that don't necessarily have that much to do with the extent to which we do or don't diet or exercise.

I do know that one of the things that helped me balance things out when I was feeling ... less in balance that way, I think is the best way to phrase it ... is to drink more water, which people don't think really has much to do with anything.  What I found out, though, is that there are so many chemicals in even the most "organic" foods that our bodies hang on to that it actually takes more water for our livers to be able to process them.

Ironically, it actually takes even more when one is working to lose weight, because our bodies apparently store those chemicals in our fat reserves and so, when we burn off fat and leave those chemicals behind, if we don't drink enough water to flush the chemicals out along with the fat the body just puts the fat right back on in order to prevent the chemicals from damaging our bodies' other internal organs.   When I found that out I was like Shocked

The other thing I recommend to all sorts of people for all sorts of reasons a whole lot is Pilates, but in this particular case it's for 2 specific reasons:

1) when I first heard about it I also heard all these exhortations about "it changed my body, it changed my body" and I thought "yeah, yeah, blah blah blah" innocent but I kept at it for about nine months (it does take that long to see a real difference) and then I saw what they saw.  The reason why is that it works on the body's deep internal stabilizer muscles so that's both the hardest place to access and the last place you see a difference, but the difference does show up eventually.

2) since I took it up, I heard from not just one, but two people very close to me who'd known me as a chunky kid but who hadn't seen me in awhile "Don't lose another ounce."   Now, my first thought was "Who are you to tell me what to do with my own body?" scratch  because that's kind of a bossy thing to say, imo -- but the interesting thing about it was that I hadn't lost any weight.  The thing was that, as I said in #1 above, the Method changes your internal & stabilizer muscles so you actually appear smaller (and straighter; it's good for your posture) even if you haven't actually gotten any smaller.


And, finally -- I know anybody who's struggled with their weight has heard this at least once, so it's hard to hear, but it really is true for me -- if you don't eat enough, the body will hang onto the weight it has so it doesn't starve to death.    From what I understand, the minimum # of calories required for the average ladyperson to feed the organs, bones & muscles so we don't starve is something like 1200 calories.  It may be worth it to experiment more with calorie sources like more lean protein and more veggies, so the body has some energy to work with as opposed to trying to hang onto it all.  Again, that's another one that's self-reported but made a difference when I started eating more, and I'm not the only lady quasi-athlete I know who's had a similar experience.

Hope something in there is helpful.

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Re: Shame and Weight

Post by reboot on Tue Sep 15, 2015 4:45 pm

Tagging onto OtherRoooToo, while I was dealing with my Ovarian Invader (may peace not be upon it), I was doing calorie counting to keep from gaining whacky hormone surface volume. I was aiming for a net 1200 (technically weight loss level for my age but more maintenance given unruly hormones), but I never only ate 1200 calories in a day. I would exercise enough to knock off 200-300 (e.g. 1 hr walking 2.5 mph, 30 minutes jogging 5 mph, 75 min yoga) through some combination of activities that took no more than 1-2 hours a day. Usually, because I have a dog and no yard, it is jogging with the dog every morning and an evening 1/2-3/4 hour dog walk, with occasional yoga/Pilates/barre tossed in if I had time and energy. The daily dose of exercise allowed me to eat enough calories that I would not be hangry, cranky, headachy and listless. I never do anything particularly intense or for a long duration, it was more doing just enough every day that I could eat a satisfying amount of food, which for me is in the 1400-1600 calorie range. You might need to add some daily, low intensity exercise to buy yourself enough calories to eat.

As for adding daily exercise, the way I manage it is to find a time when it is least bothersome to me to fit it in. In my case, waking up early and running for 1/2 hour or going somewhere directly after work is way easier to make happen than anything involving going somewhere for a class in the morning, fitting it in during lunch, or attempting to motivate to do more than a dog walk after I get home from work. I experimented a lot with different timings and activities to figure out what works for me (ie no to workout videos at home, anything where I have to drive before work to do it, anything more than a 15 minute stroll at lunch). What works for me does not work for many others, and it took a lot of trial and error to get a daily exercise routine that is not burdensome and easy to stick with even when work is batshit crazy.
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