I need a friend to find my broken mind... (emotional venting rant, responses thorugh PM. I am getting this pain out of my system.)

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I need a friend to find my broken mind... (emotional venting rant, responses thorugh PM. I am getting this pain out of my system.) Empty I need a friend to find my broken mind... (emotional venting rant, responses thorugh PM. I am getting this pain out of my system.)

Post by Guest on Thu Sep 17, 2015 11:54 am

I cant take this anymore, I can't stand being alone, everyday being locked up in my room in solitude face down on my bed waiting for a better day. My mind broken of years of abuse and shame brought on by my family, a mother wrecked by years of hardship from my bastard of a father, a sister drunk on her own success dancing in joy of my suffering, a lucky older brother who escaped the torment of this home, a younger brother, also wrecked by abuse who is more resilient than me.

I cannot hide this pain any longer, I cannot bottle up the tears any more, I am sick of being used, abused and shamed mercilessly for a quarter of a century. October 4 will be my 26th birthday, I will not celebrate it, it will be a bitter reminder of the life I live and the desire I have to end it in order to escape this pain, the only thing keeping me alive is the duty I have to my country, nothing else...

I am not writing a suicide note, I am simply asking, no, BEGGING for a friend, just someone to be there, it does not matter who it is, anyone will do. someone to talk to on a daily basis, someone who will not abandon me like my family did, someone to help me get out of this depression, someone to show me that there is a better day tomorrow, to show me that the world is a beautiful place. I simply cannot do it alone despite what people tell me, I am alone, I need the face-to-face interaction with another sentient being, another soul.

the so called "friends" I have at my unit are merely people who take advantage of my kindness, calling me friend only when it benefits them, never when they need someone to talk to, they call each other, text each other, go out together while completely forgetting that I too desire the acknowledgement of people. I am afraid of initiating contact with someone lest I come as an annoying nuisance, a bug pestering the other people. I am even afraid of asking my superiors for help, afraid that they see me as weak, a useless body holding the unit back, dead weight that needs to be jettisoned. I fact, I am regretting writing this rant, seeing that I am annoying the good people of this forum, who only wish to interact with others in peace. I am wondering why no one here has given me the boot...

I just want a friend, a true friend, someone who will call, text or interact with me on a regular and daily basis, IS THAT TOO FUCKING MUCH TO ASK!! I DO NOT WANT PEOPLE TO TREAT ME LIKE MY SHIT FAMILY AND MY RETARDED ASSHOLE UNIT!! I NEED SOMEONE, PLEASE, I AM GOING INSANE BEING ALONE WITH NO ONE TO AT LEAST ACKOWLEDGE MY FUCKING EXISTENCE!!

I don't want to fade into solitude I just need another human being to interact with...

please...



Last edited by Alex1989 on Thu Sep 17, 2015 12:41 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Post by Enail on Thu Sep 17, 2015 12:39 pm

<mod>Alex, it is not okay to make negative generalizations about groups here. No matter what your fears are telling you, claiming that women are only interested in ripped, rich and handsome men is insulting and unacceptable for this forum. If you make these sort of comments in the future, we will have no choice but to give you a temporary suspension. </mod>

ETA: Thanks for changing it.
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Post by Enail on Thu Sep 17, 2015 1:02 pm

Alex, you know you can talk to people here with your posts. But I know that's not the same as an in-person friendly face. Since you have a lot of fears about bothering people, maybe a good way to meet some people that you can see regularly would be to volunteer for something? That way, when you're anxious, you can remind yourself that you're there because you're helping, and it gives you something else to do while you're there other than just talking to people, so it's a lot less pressure. Maybe an animal shelter?

ETA: Jedi hugs to you, as well Smile
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Post by Guest on Thu Sep 17, 2015 1:08 pm

Enail wrote:Alex, you know you can talk to people here with your posts. But I know that's not the same as an in-person friendly face. Since you have a lot of fears about bothering people, maybe a good way to meet some people that you can see regularly would be to volunteer for something? That way, when you're anxious, you can remind yourself that you're there because you're helping, and it gives you something else to do while you're there other than just talking to people, so it's a lot less pressure. Maybe an animal shelter?

I know but I keep thinking that I am annoying everyone here, despite what you and others have told me. I do not mind an online person talking to me, it's that I am afraid of initiating a conversation with anybody. the fact that my friends talk to each other but completely forget me until drill is whats making me feel left out, and if I say something about it, I get labeled a weak "p---y", <Sarcasm> That some nice Army unit camaraderie right there! <Sarcasm>

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Post by Enail on Thu Sep 17, 2015 1:21 pm

That sounds really frustrating. Sometimes a group just isn't a good fit, and that sucks, especially when you spend a lot of time with them. If it helps, you're not alone in that - friends, and especially close friends, aren't easy to come by for a lot of people. But it doesn't mean you can't find friendly people elsewhere, even though it takes time to build from 'friendly' into 'friend.'
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Post by Guest on Thu Sep 17, 2015 1:31 pm

Enail wrote:That sounds really frustrating. Sometimes a group just isn't a good fit, and that sucks, especially when you spend a lot of time with them. If it helps, you're not alone in that - friends, and especially close friends, aren't easy to come by for a lot of people. But it doesn't mean you can't find friendly people elsewhere, even though it takes time to build from 'friendly' into 'friend.'

I understand that, I get along with my old unit ALOT better than this one, I just hope my new unit in the capital is ALOT more friendlier than my current unit.

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Post by Enail on Thu Sep 17, 2015 2:14 pm

I hope so! Fingers crossed for you!
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Post by Guest on Thu Sep 17, 2015 2:27 pm

Enail wrote:I hope so! Fingers crossed for you!


So let me get straight, If I talk to you by pm, you won't be annoyed? Granted if its a non insulting message such as "Hi"... Like I said I am afraid of people thinking that I am annoying, I can be a pain in the butt here sometimes, like the post written before correcting this thread. Embarassed Embarassed Embarassed (this is the last time I let jerkbrain out... Facepalm)

P.S. I got an issue I would like to post at health and well being but still thinking whether posting and seeing a doctor or just see a doctor (It is also quite embarrassing... Embarassed )

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Post by Enail on Thu Sep 17, 2015 2:38 pm

I won't be annoyed - but I'm also not really up for a lot of discussion by PM as a general rule, so I'd prefer to stick to forum posts for things other than mod issues.
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Post by Guest on Thu Sep 17, 2015 3:01 pm

Enail wrote:I won't be annoyed - but I'm also not really up for a lot of discussion by PM as a general rule, so I'd prefer to stick to forum posts for things other than mod issues.

ok.

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Post by Enail on Thu Sep 17, 2015 3:02 pm

Thanks Smile
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Post by Bumble on Fri Sep 18, 2015 12:43 pm

Check your pm

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