Someone romantically threw themselves at me. It was not a good experience.

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Someone romantically threw themselves at me. It was not a good experience. Empty Someone romantically threw themselves at me. It was not a good experience.

Post by Jayce on Sat Sep 19, 2015 11:16 am

So today I performed dance choreography, and well when I perform I always try to be as conventionally attractive as possible. So after I finished my dance I walked out to the theatre lobby with all the other performers. A woman there came up to me and said she liked my blazer and thought I was handsome. It isn't the first time someone said that and I always interpreted the handsome bit as you look well dressed instead of "you are attractive to me", so we kept talking like normal had a nice conversation about dance and figured out we go to the same uni, later I went to hand out leaflets to help my friend during the intermission. After the show ended I was walking out she "bumped" into me (she was probably waiting for me). So we talked like usual but after a bit she asked if I had a girlfriend and I said no. She said you could probably choose anybody you want (sigh, if only I actually did have those godlike powers). She asked if I had anyone on my mind. I said no one in particular. She then asked me out and I said no.

She didn't respect my no as an answer and asked why not? "Am I too fat, too old?. She also asked which other girl do I have my mind on? She asked me if I had a girlfriend before or been on a date.bI said no. She said "it dosen't have to be serious we can just hang around for like half a year. Then she kind of insulted me and said wow, you're 20 and never had a girlfriend, I should be your girlfriend. "I can be your girlfriend until you find someone better than me". You can gain some experience with me.


So basically she kept barraging me with things like that, and more "reasons of why I should choose her" every time I said no, and I just answered them with what I thought, and created conversation filler "i wouldn't want to ditch someone I liked, what do you think about this belief? Each time I gave her a hard no with literally the word "no, i don't like you that way". She just didn't care or she felt she could convince me with a few more tries.

Thankfully the train station was just up ahead so she finally excused herself. Also because I'm guessing I'm male, thankfully she didn't invade my personal space and was very civil with me although she had a whiny tone after the first time I said no.


The whole ego boosting thing is stupid. I just want to meet a girl that I like that also likes me. I don't care if there are girls throwing themselves at me or not. How is my dating ego boosted if I still can't meet someone that I want. The whole "well you're at least attractive to somebody" is also a useless concept at this point. So if there was never proof, what am I going to do? Never ask girls out? Im going to try to ask people that I like out, regardless whether 1000 or 0 people have expressed their interest in me, I'm still going to try my best to be confident.




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Post by reboot on Sat Sep 19, 2015 11:55 am

Jeez Jayce, that sounds boundary pressing and annoying as all hell. Hear the no, people! And for the love of physics do not try to force someone to change their answer.

You can see what people mean when they say having options is meaningless if you are not attracted to the options.
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Post by Enail on Sat Sep 19, 2015 12:14 pm

Wow, that woman is a perfect example of what not to do! Ugh, sorry you had to deal with that.
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Post by Werel on Sat Sep 19, 2015 2:15 pm

Yeesh, sorry she was such a jackass to you, Jayce. It sounds like you handled it like a champ--though you know you're not obliged to keep making smalltalk with somebody who's repeatedly being a jackass to you, right? Razz
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Post by Caffeinated on Sat Sep 19, 2015 2:45 pm

Yikes! It sucks when people won't just take no for an answer. Sorry you had to deal with that.
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Post by Guest on Sat Sep 19, 2015 2:58 pm

As a person who is open to a women or guy approaching me, even I find that situation distressful, sorry you had to go through that.

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Post by Jayce on Sat Sep 19, 2015 11:56 pm

Werel wrote:Yeesh, sorry she was such a jackass to you, Jayce. It sounds like you handled it like a champ--though you know you're not obliged to keep making smalltalk with somebody who's repeatedly being a jackass to you, right? Razz

Well I could've ignored her, or just told her straight up that she has a bad attitude and its not working well for her but I guess I didn't feel like being mean to her cause the only thing she was doing was not dropping the subject so it was just mildly annoying. I felt pretty relieved when I had a feeling all she's going to do is talk, I've seen my male friends been groped and kissed by women they didn't want. Well I guess the difference in this case is that I set my boundaries pretty clear with her from the beginning since I already gave her a honest, hard no while in those situations my male friends never said anything, but keep giving me side eyes cause they wanted me to diffuse the situation for them. If she did anything such as touching I probably would have had to be pretty mean.

Also she goes to the same dance studio as I do so if I make a big scene out of this and we bump into each other again, it will be awkward. Disaster case scenario, she says really mean things about me to everyone that also go to the same dance studio. Our dance studio is like one big family. But because I just politely rejected her every time and that's all I did, the most she could say was, oh I liked so and so, asked him out, he said no, kept asking him, he said no. Unless she's also a jackass on a higher level and make something up about me being mean to her (which is unlikely cause she seems more like a "Nice guy" type of person).

I finally understand the whole entitlement issue completely now that I actually experienced it. I'm a person that is open to being approached in a variety of scenarios, and definitely open to meeting someone romantically at a social event such as dance performance showcases. But what I'm not open to, is having someone continually feel entitled to my time and social space when I've already said no. What she basically did was, dropped herself in my social space, and wouldn't leave even when she got the queue that I don't want to talk about this. It's the emotional equivalent of someone turning up to your house uninvited and just wouldn't leave, while eating all the food from your fridge. In other scenarios, someone might not want to be approached at all similar to how I don't want to be annoyed.

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