Return of the Rants

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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by Werel on Wed Jun 28, 2017 8:24 pm

Ughh, I hope it's not the same person who was insisting on doing favors you didn't actually need! Either way, sympathetic arghhhs to you.
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by Enail on Wed Jun 28, 2017 8:34 pm

I can't actually remember (my memory is swiss cheese right now Uh-oh), but probably it is. So insistent we couldn't refuse without being rude, and, as 100% expected, utterly failed on the part we really needed. So yeah, probably was my previous rant's subject.   Well, at least I can now take consolation in the fact that at least there (probably) aren't two such "favours?"
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by Yoshiland on Thu Jul 06, 2017 12:22 am

Indiana is the worst fucking state. I would rather have my girl cheat on me with my father than go there again. They would fit right in.
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by Enail on Tue Jul 18, 2017 4:55 pm

Fucking phone companies
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by Werel on Mon Jul 24, 2017 11:30 pm

Too old to be sleeping on a futon full-time, too poor to buy a real mattress. Student living at 30, my spine Science fail!
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by eselle28 on Tue Jul 25, 2017 5:22 pm

Ah, outpatient rehab. Such a good idea. So very needed. Such an incredible pain in the ass to coordinate.

I'm barely managing to get this set up. I've already stopped drinking, have a lot of people supporting me and willing to help, and have some experience navigating forms and bureaucracies. I have no idea how someone who's still drinking or using and who doesn't have someone helping them navigate the system could manage this.
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by waxingjaney on Tue Jul 25, 2017 11:33 pm

From what I've seen, they have someone else who is sober, organized, and patient do it for them. It tends not to work out, since the subject hasn't really committed to making a full effort.
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by eselle28 on Mon Jul 31, 2017 4:00 pm

When a few other women in a group tell you to watch out for a particular guy, that's a damn good warning sign. When half a dozen men do the same thing? I'm kind of struggling to imagine what this dude must have done that even the guys are willing to admit he's bad news.
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by Hirundo Bos on Tue Aug 01, 2017 11:37 am

Reading through my facebook feed. The editor of a literary magazine (a person I know) was looking for someone who's familiar with the recent authorship of Neal Stephenson (which I am) for a writing job. But someone else beat me to it...
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by jcorozza on Thu Aug 03, 2017 9:52 pm

Ever have that slow build up of anxiety that you expect to be released, but then something craptastic happens so that you can't? I've already been feeling this way since November (I mean, the anxiety was building, and I expected to be able to breathe a sigh of relief, but, no, more terrible things to come!). And now it's happening again. At my job site, there are supposed to be two of us doing intakes. My coworker left about 5 months ago, and I've been on my own since. I've been progressively doing more work to keep up with the demand, scheduling more appointments which means more paperwork, dealing with an absurd amount of phone calls a day (that often have nothing to do with the intake department), and handling all the "little favors" that other departments ask me to do. I've been working (thankfully, paid) overtime to dig into some of the extra paperwork, but I'm still very behind and getting more so every day.

So they finally hired a new person, but I found out that last week that A: I'm not allowed anymore overtime and B: I'm supposed to continue scheduling the same unwieldy amount of intakes a day as I've been doing since my coworker left once the new person starts, because they are afraid that, Medicaid changed how billing works for us, that we won't be able to make enough money. So now I don't see how I'm ever going to catch up, or even keep from slipping further behind. I'm getting horrible stress headaches, including a migraine that was bad enough that I had to leave early today (which, of course, led to more panic about getting behind in my work). My pending license is getting reviewed by the state board next month, so hopefully I'll be able to look for another job, but in the meantime, I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown on a daily basis. And since I never know how many clients will actually show up on a given day, I don't even know just how behind I will get. I'm also stress eating like crazy. Sigh.
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by Prajnaparamita on Wed Aug 09, 2017 3:37 am

I just had the second worst night of my life. (Number one being the night Trump was elected.)


In other news though, as of now my stalker is currently in jail.

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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by Enail on Wed Aug 09, 2017 11:23 am

Oh my god, Prajna, that sounds horrifying. So glad you're safe and he's in jail now.
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by jcorozza on Wed Aug 09, 2017 12:06 pm

I hope, at the very least, he'll leave you alone now and you can get some peace of mind.
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by Werel on Wed Aug 09, 2017 2:02 pm

Jesus, I hope you're alright, and that this is the beginning of him leaving you alone forever. Sad
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by Prajnaparamita on Thu Aug 10, 2017 8:54 am

Hey guys, I'm sorry I didn't update you earlier--I just had absolutely no spoons left after the past couple of days. Short version of things, I'm okay now, he's been released but I have a restraining order for the next year. Thank you all for your kind words and support--I'm not going to rest easy yet and assume that this is over, but for the moment at least I have a break.

Very long and detailed version of things:

At midnight that night my dad was woken up to my stalker ringing the doorbell over and over and over again. He came downstairs, didn't open the door but told him through the window that he couldn't be here and he had to leave and he was calling the cops. After my dad said that, my stalker left, but only to cross the street and sit down on the curb directly across from our house, not moving, just staring at our house. The police came, to talk to my dad and talk to creepy stalker dude about what the fuck he was doing, and I guess they were pretty wigged out by the fact that he wasn't responding to them at all, just was sitting there staring at my house and not moving. The police had my dad fill out a no trespass order right then and there, and walked over to him to serve it. He still didn't move, just sat there silently staring at my house. At this point, they wanted to move to a restraining order but in order to do that they needed me. So at 1 am, I was woken up by my mom telling me that there were cops downstairs waiting to talk to me, and that my stalker was outside the house. (Like I said lol, not quite as bad as waking up to finding out that Trump is president, but close.) So I went downstairs, terrified and confused and shaken like hell and there was a cop and the sergeant in my kitchen and I don't exactly remember everything that happened but basically I wrote yet another victim impact statement, told him that yes I did want to go ahead with trying to get a restraining order. They had to call around to find the one judge awake in order to be able to apply for a temporary restraining order, but eventually they did and I had to have a phone interview with her but she eventually said yes, she'd sign off on it and it would expire at 4 pm the next day and I had to go to court the next morning to apply for an extension. After that was done they served him with the temporary restraining order and I guess they were pretty wigged out by his behavior (apparently he was like being completely catatonic? Which I've seen before when people are extremely disassociated, like freezing up and not respond to anything) because there were three cop cars outside my house and a ton of dudes there. Anyway apparently he also didn't move or respond at all to that, so they arrested him and charged him with violating the no trespass order, violating the temporary restraining order and resisting arrest. (idk how the fuck being totally passive and not moving or saying anything counts as resisting arrest, which is one of the many complicated thoughts I have about this whole thing, because resisting arrest is such a bullshit charge, especially in this case, and it’s one of those things that isn’t actually about breaking the law, just often a power trip for cops, and just because the abuses of the criminal justice system benefited me in this case doesn’t make them okay, and yeah…). They told me that he would be present at court the next day. ANYWAY, the cops left sometime after 2 am and then there was no more sleep for the rest of the night, I was just too anxious… And well then I was a total wreck when we got to the courthouse, like "I seriously think I'm about to vomit now" levels of anxiety. And we just like had to wait for an hour or so, and then we had to meet with the domestic abuse victim advocate and then meet with the representative of the police department and then meet with one of the police officers I had met with before and then meet with just the regular victim advocate and then sit around waiting in the courtroom for a really long time before he was brought in. I listened to his court appointed lawyer talking to him while he continued to stare ahead in that unfocused, catatonic way, and struggle to be able to speak at all. He pled not guilty to the charges, and was told that he would be released provided that he agreed to have no contact with me, which he agreed to. He was asked if he wanted to fight the restraining order, and he said no. At that, the victim advocate rushed me out of the courtroom. We sat around and waited a bit longer for the forms to get processed, and had someone explain to me again what would now happen (both the terms of his parole and the restraining order are no contact with me, he still has to appear in court again sometime later in September for the other charges, but I don't have to attend any of that, and the victim advocate will keep me updated on anything that happens with that.) And... It's strange. I don't feel vengeful or angry or like I got any of the payback I wanted. I just feel sad and tired. I'm still upset that he got charged with resisting arrest when I know he was doing no such thing--being still and silent isn't resisting, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a power hungry cop. Its a bullshit charge that so often is used just to rough people up. It makes me a little sad that they were so wigged out by him clearly showing signs of mental illness, like the catatonia and saw that as a reason to escalate. And its like, yeah, it worked out just the way I needed right now. But the abuses of the system is not magically a good thing when it suddenly benefits me. He's a sick man who needs treatment. When I saw him in court his clothes were tattered and covered in holes, and his eyes were completely blank and empty. I used to be so angry about all this, probably from feeling so violated and humiliated by the system, and powerless and terrified, but now that the power is all in my hands (he contacts me and with one phone call, I can send him to jail for years), I just feel sad and empty. It’s just been pretty strange.

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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by Enail on Thu Aug 10, 2017 12:54 pm

Thanks for letting us know what happened Prajna, that must have been so scary and unsettling. I'm really glad your parents were there and that the cops were responsive, and I'm quite amazed at your ability to feel compassion for someone who's done you so much harm. I hope this is the end of all the stalking, and that he gets the help he needs and you get much-deserved safety and rest.
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by Prajnaparamita on Thu Aug 10, 2017 4:13 pm

Enail wrote:Thanks for letting us know what happened Prajna, that must have been so scary and unsettling. I'm really glad your parents were there and that the cops were responsive, and I'm quite amazed at your ability to feel compassion for someone who's done you so much harm. I hope this is the end of all the stalking, and that he gets the help he needs and you get much-deserved safety and rest.

Thank you for your kind words Enail, it means a lot to know you've been thinking of me. I'm not going to believe that this is the end of the stalking yet--he was told just two weeks ago by a cop that any further contact with me would be a criminal matter, and yet this... A year is a long time, and he's never managed to leave me alone for longer than three weeks or so (but then again, maybe a night in jail might have solidified for him how real this is now?)

And yes, I used to hate him, I used to want him dead, I used to fantasize about hurting him in so many ways, but I think all of that came from a place of being afraid and feeling powerless. Now that I have all of the control in the situation (with just a phone call, he can be sent to jail for years), I don't feel fear anymore, just pity. I can see the miserable, pathetic man that he is.

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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by nearly_takuan on Sun Aug 13, 2017 1:32 am

Holy shit, Prajna. Profane shit, too. I was putting off getting caught up on this thread, but now... Yours is clearly a wiser and kinder soul than mine, 'cause I sure as hell want that guy dead. So, so sorry to read you've been through all that. Really hoping you never see him again, even if it would only be to report and remove him.
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by Prajnaparamita on Tue Aug 15, 2017 1:29 pm

nearly_takuan wrote:Holy shit, Prajna. Profane shit, too. I was putting off getting caught up on this thread, but now... Yours is clearly a wiser and kinder soul than mine, 'cause I sure as hell want that guy dead. So, so sorry to read you've been through all that. Really hoping you never see him again, even if it would only be to report and remove him.

Thank you so much takuan, that is unbelievably kind for you to say (and also to stay updated on what's been going on with me--you're certainly under no obligation to!) It makes me feel a lot better about the violent thoughts and resentment I once held for that man, to know that you certainly wouldn't begrudge me for them, or even that you, a random stranger not affected by him in any way would want him gone too. I've been thinking for awhile of a proper way to thank you, but I couldn't find the words, so I hope this will do.

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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by Werel on Fri Aug 18, 2017 1:20 pm

-Design social science experiment to carry out at fieldwork site
-Write to acquaintance at fieldwork site asking for info to refine study design
-Acquaintance posts all the details of the study to Facebook group for the whole damn town
-Main experiment ruined 3 weeks before I have to defend dissertation plan
Science fail!
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by Enail on Fri Aug 18, 2017 2:15 pm

Oh no! How shitty!


Last edited by Enail on Fri Aug 18, 2017 3:49 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by Wondering on Fri Aug 18, 2017 2:43 pm

Oh, no! I don't suppose you can quickly move it to another site. Sad

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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by eselle28 on Fri Aug 18, 2017 3:28 pm

Oh, what the hell? I'm so sorry, Werel.
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by nearly_takuan on Mon Aug 21, 2017 1:34 am

Jeez that sucks. What an awful thing to do!




I'm really happy about the new car -- it's appreciably better than my previous one in all the ways I care about, and the monthly payments are slightly lower to boot -- but I also feel kinda dirty, 'cause in some sense it's like I ended up being rewarded for making a really bad and dumb mistake. Life is so unfair, and even good things can happen for bad reasons. I really want to believe in some kind of cosmic balance, but shit like this makes it really hard to do so. Basically this is your standard The Odyssey problem (don't worry, I know how it's actually spelled but the pun amuses me). Parents and certain friends are attempting to convince me that this is some kind of awesome miracle that I should be grateful for, and for the sake of not sparking an Eternal Conflict I have to pretend I agree. I actually just feel irritated and kind of angry, and it starts of being directed at the hypothetical Supreme they're trying to get me to appreciate, but then I remember that I'm pretty sure there's no such thing. The target is abolished, the emotion isn't, and the end result is that I end up feeling vaguely angry and irritated with myself... All because I tried really hard to make the best of a crummy situation, and managed to do it a little too well. (At least as far as I'm currently aware.)
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Re: Return of the Rants

Post by eselle28 on Sun Aug 27, 2017 8:39 pm

nearly_takuan wrote:
I'm really happy about the new car -- it's appreciably better than my previous one in all the ways I care about, and the monthly payments are slightly lower to boot -- but I also feel kinda dirty, 'cause in some sense it's like I ended up being rewarded for making a really bad and dumb mistake. Life is so unfair, and even good things can happen for bad reasons. I really want to believe in some kind of cosmic balance, but shit like this makes it really hard to do so. Basically this is your standard The Odyssey problem (don't worry, I know how it's actually spelled but the pun amuses me). Parents and certain friends are attempting to convince me that this is some kind of awesome miracle that I should be grateful for, and for the sake of not sparking an Eternal Conflict I have to pretend I agree. I actually just feel irritated and kind of angry, and it starts of being directed at the hypothetical Supreme they're trying to get me to appreciate, but then I remember that I'm pretty sure there's no such thing. The target is abolished, the emotion isn't, and the end result is that I end up feeling vaguely angry and irritated with myself... All because I tried really hard to make the best of a crummy situation, and managed to do it a little too well. (At least as far as I'm currently aware.)

I think I get where you're coming from, nearly. I also made a really bad and dumb mistake, which I think some people might judge even a bit more harshly than that, and the result has been that people have been really nice to me and that my life has improved significantly in a couple key ways. It feels kind of like I cheated.
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Re: Return of the Rants

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