When and how to touch a girl

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When and how to touch a girl Empty When and how to touch a girl

Post by Dannyboy on Sat Sep 26, 2015 2:52 pm

Alright, so I've got this girl I've ben talking to for about a week via text (we met on tinder) and we're going on a date to this little theme park (God I hope that was a good idea).

Anyway I was reading up on DNL that you ABSOLUTELY must touch on the first date if you want to get anywhere with a woman. Problem is I'm completely inexperienced with just ,randomly touching girls, and what experience I do have has been varied. I mean, one girl allowed me to pet her hair and feel her breasts on the first date, the two other girls well, the only time I touched them was when we hugged at the end of the date.

Can someone give me some idea of what to do?

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Post by BasedBuzzed on Sat Sep 26, 2015 3:41 pm

I don't think the Doc says it HAS to happen(you can enjoy each other's company so much that you want a second date regardless of shit), but if your body language is otherwise awkward, it will hamper matters anyway. Not touching naturally is often a part of this scenario.

Escalation often involves meaningful glances, playful jabs when you make jokes, touching of the shoulder when calling attention to something, and from there holding hands while sitting next to each other, leaning on each others' shoulders, and eventually to kissing. You can, of course, always ask for the higher steps.

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Post by jcorozza on Sat Sep 26, 2015 10:33 pm

Yeah, I think you bought this up before, but I've never been touched on a first date, even with guys I ended up in relationships with. It really depends on what the comfort level of both people is. Something like putting your hand on hers if you're sitting at a table, or holding her hand, can be really nice. If it feels weird to you, don't do it. Especially don't do it because that's what you think has to happen on dates.
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Post by Robjection on Sun Sep 27, 2015 7:52 am

Being a really touch-averse person myself I can't offer any advice on that front, but for what it's worth, theme park date sounds like an awesome idea.

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Post by Caffeinated on Sun Sep 27, 2015 12:45 pm

What I can't tell from what you wrote here is whether or not you want to touch on the first date. If the idea gives you a Nope feeling, then I don't think you should try to ignore that and force yourself to.

But if you do want to, and are looking for advice on how to do so, that's another thing. If that's the case, my initial suggestion would be to try to move the hug at the end of the date up to the beginning of the date. Greeting hugs are a pretty normal thing in a lot of social groups (and I'm guessing also for yours if you're doing a goodbye hug), so offering a hug (offering is important rather than insisting) when you meet can be a good way of breaking the ice as far as touch goes.

Another early-in-the-first-date thing you could do is hold both her hands in your hands with arms outstretched and say "let me look at you", then take a good look (with overt approval on your face) and tell her she looks even better in person than in her pictures. From there, you could ask for a second hug ("can I hug you again?") or you could drop one of her hands and still hold the other as you walk (assuming you have somewhere to walk to at this point). [Please note, this is only good if you are in fact attracted to her in person.]
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Post by Wondering on Sun Sep 27, 2015 5:24 pm

I think the advice about touch at the beginning to break the ice is good. However, if you do that, keep in mind that it will likely read as perfunctory and not as an expression of you liking her more than you already do since it's at the beginning of the date and you haven't gotten to know each other any better. If you do want to continue dating her and want to use touch to signal that feeling, you'll likely need to do something else later in the date that's different from what you did at the start.

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Post by Caffeinated on Sun Sep 27, 2015 8:10 pm

True, at the beginning of the date it doesn't signal that you've gotten to know each other any better yet, but it does signal that you are in fact attracted in person as well as in photos/online.
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Post by kath on Sun Sep 27, 2015 9:13 pm

I think also, asking seems like it would be weird, but if you try to ask and take the answer like it's not a big thing (and obviously go with whatever the answer was) that can go a long way to diffusing any weirdness, even in an actually awkward situation.

You can also ask with body language, as discussed about hello/goodbye hugs, or offering your hand, etc.

How did you negotiate it with the girl you got pretty far with touching? How did you tell she was up for it? Did you ask directly? Did she ask you to touch her? Did you guys read each other's body language well? If you can pinpoint how that works, you might be actually super advanced at this and well-equipped.

Also yeah, some people are totally not going to want to touch on the first date, and don't take it as a sign of a failed date if the girl just would rather not Smile.
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