Help! I think she's lost interest in me

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Help! I think she's lost interest in me Empty Help! I think she's lost interest in me

Post by Paladin on Tue Oct 06, 2015 4:53 pm

So, after my last clusterfucked attempt at romance, I turned to OKCupid, as one does. And thus began yet another dating saga.

So, after being on OKC for about 2 months or so and not making much headway, I get a message from a nice young woman who seems genuinely interested in me. We start chatting, switch to GChat/FB, and end up getting along pretty well. After about a week of this, I summon up the courage and ask her out on a date. Much to my surprise, she says yes. After changing the venue a couple of times, we finally settle on a Friday night dinner date.

The first date goes way better than I could have possibly imagined. We have a great dinner, wander around downtown, find a rock down by the river, and sit and talk for literally hours. She gets cuddly, we end up sharing some pretty deep personal stuff (unusual for me on a first date, guess I trusted her), and after the tide comes in, I walk her back to her car. She drives me to the metro, and my goodnight kiss turns into us making out in her car for about half an hour. I only left because otherwise I would have missed the last train home.

Well, I thought things were going swimmingly. She suggested the next date, going dancing. Again, it went really well, though she was a little more low energy. At the time, I figured it was because she was jetlagged from a business trip she had just gotten back from.

And after that...nothing. She gradually chatted with me less, stopped responding to texts, and turned down my suggestions for another date. I knew she was really busy with work and all, but it's been two weeks now, and still nothing. While I know I'm prone to catastrophizing, it really does seem that she's had second thoughts, or simply lost interest.

So, how do I get her interest back? Is it even possible? Should I persist, or just write her off as a romantic prospect? And if I do, should I even bring the situation up? How would I even do that with out it being super-awkward? I know I'm not owed an explanation, but I'd at least like to try to salvage this as a friendship, rather than another awkward acquaintance. And it *would* be nice to know if it was because of something I said or did, so I can avoid it in the future.

Anyway, thoughts? Suggestions? Anything would help.

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Post by eselle28 on Tue Oct 06, 2015 6:51 pm

Sadly, I do think this is a sign she's not interested in anything further of a romantic nature. I would not suggest bringing it up directly - while I understand the desire for answers, in my experience a couple of good online dates followed by a slow fade means that she's either met someone else who she's preoccupied by or that she likes you well enough but thinks some kind of vague spark is missing. I think it's pretty unlikely she has constructive feedback, and even if she does, I suspect she's not all that interested in talking about it.

If you want to salvage a friendship, you might be able to do so by waiting a considerable period of time (a month or so) and then sending her a gchat or a Facebook message about something of mutual interest that doesn't have romantic overtones. She might reply, and she might not.

Sorry to hear it didn't work out. This sort of thing happens sometimes imaging, especially online dating, and it hurts when it does.
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Post by Caffeinated on Tue Oct 06, 2015 8:02 pm

Bummer, sorry to hear that. My first instinct was to suggest asking her on a third date, but then I reread the part where you said she'd already said no to another date. In that case, it's pretty much over as a romantic prospect. Definitely don't try to interrogate her about what went wrong, that way is the swamp of bad feelings. You will not find what you're looking for in the swamp of bad feelings.
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Post by Conreezy on Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:53 pm

And it *would* be nice to know if it was because of something I said or did, so I can avoid it in the future.

I don't think it would be as nice to know as you're hoping. Besides, even if you did something she didn't like, it was likely only something she in particular didn't like. Whatever.

Time to move on, I say.

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