on fear of sex and relationships, and Doc's recent article. (Adv. Opi. and vent midway through.)

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Post by Alex1989 on Mon Oct 19, 2015 7:04 pm

I just read the Doc's newest article, and to be honest, I felt inadequate... Being somebody who has "Zero miles on the odometer." any sex advice feels like... "cheating?" I don't know how to put it in a word, but, regardless if its good healthy advice (Doc, Broadblogs, David Futrelle) or creepy and rapey PUA crap (Roosh, Heartiste, TRP Reddit), I feel that I was supposed to know it by default, like I should have known how to get the attention and love from the opposite sex before kindergarten.

I mean, shit, I can't even look at the relationships forum here, it's like I'm not allowed to go in there, like I have not yet earned the privilege of joining the beautiful, normal people of society... Sad

To compound this problem, I have performance anxiety, whether in sex and relationships or in my civilian and military life. every time someone mentions sex and love, my mind goes nuclear, worrying whether I am worthy of someone else's affection or have I pleased this person enough, If I last long enough in bed, whether if my future partner will leave me, etc. AT IT IS DRIVING ME UP A FUCKING WALL!! Run in circles flail

I feel like I am not allowed to be in a relationship, to me, my first time is like graduation, a ceremony that finally shows that I have worked hard enough not creeping someone out and always pleasing him/her and showing that I am worthy of love and I am not an unattractive fat blob who should be hidden from the public. And do not get me started on my body issues (I'm disgusting... lets leave it at that.)

I think I am afraid of losing my virginity more than not losing it... Facepalm

On the physical aspect, I... am physically incapable of PIV sex. not going to get to any specifics but if I attempted PIV, in this condition, it will be very, very painful, possibly requiring hospitalization. (Is there a doctor in the forum?)

Its these moments that I wish that people would stop these taboos regarding sex and love and regard everyone equally worthy of getting a partner.

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Post by Enail on Mon Oct 19, 2015 9:46 pm

That sounds very stressful and frustrating, having your mind jump straight to worrying about everything at just a mention of sex or love. My sympathies for that, and I hope you can find some strategies that help you shut some of that down.

It sounds like reading those kinds of advice columns cause you a lot more distress than they give you anything helpful. Maybe it's picking at a wound that could use some time left alone to heal?  

Re: the physical aspect, that seems like something you should talk to a real-life doctor about. Things that could require hospitalization aren't things you want to mess around with internet advice on.
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Post by Alex1989 on Mon Oct 19, 2015 9:56 pm

Enail wrote:That sounds very stressful and frustrating, having your mind jump straight to worrying about everything at just a mention of sex or love. My sympathies for that, and I hope you can find some strategies that help you shut some of that down.

It sounds like reading those kinds of advice columns cause you a lot more distress than they give you anything helpful. Maybe it's picking at a wound that could use some time left alone to heal?  

Re: the physical aspect, that seems like something you should talk to a real-life doctor about. Things that could require hospitalization aren't things you want to mess around with internet advice on.

Gotta talk to the counselor about that tomorrow... Shrug

About the... thing, reading it now, I kinda TMI'd... but it is somewhat relevant since it is part of the fears on performance.
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