Relationships with parents
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Relationships with parents
by reboot Sat Oct 25, 2014 2:01 am
So I am home for the weekend and musing relationships between parents and kids in my parent's 55+ age limit, double wide community and thought a thread dealing with these relationships was in order. Rant, seek advice, discuss, the world is yours.
For me, my relationship with my parents is fraught. My mom did the best she could, but did not have a great model to go by. They fled to Turkey from Poland to Polonezköy in 1938 where her mom ended up being sent to a TB sanatorium when my mom was 8. She never saw her mom again and her dad married a nurse from the sanitarium who was only 10 years older. She ended up raising her half siblings and never got much parenting herself, aside from the church, that is.
My dad also did the best he could, but was from an old, old school father knows best, man is king family. He was at least open to letting my mom have a say in some household matters but he was still "the breadwinner". Until he lost his mining job when the backs of the copper unions were broken and never got more than day labor after that. He got so caught in his own misery and the shame of my mom becoming a rich people's housekeeper and as a seamstress.
After my dad lost his job my brother and I were a bit feral. The only rule was once we were old enough to work, if we wanted anything, we had to earn the money for it. There would be food on the table, but beyond that parenting stopped.
Fast forward: We made it through college, still giving money to our folks. We married, my brother had kids, I divorced. We have jobs...no make that careers. I am 42, my brother is 38. And I just got a lecture on the following:
1. Who is going to take care of you now that you threw away your marriage?
2. Why won't you go to Mass? If you did you might get your husband back
3. Can you send more money? We have to donate to the parish.
4. Don't stay out so late like last time!
5. Aren't you too old to wear that color?
*headdesk* Mom, Dad, stop parenting. You are about 28 years too late. God, where is dad's homebrew vodka, because this will be a long weekend.
For me, my relationship with my parents is fraught. My mom did the best she could, but did not have a great model to go by. They fled to Turkey from Poland to Polonezköy in 1938 where her mom ended up being sent to a TB sanatorium when my mom was 8. She never saw her mom again and her dad married a nurse from the sanitarium who was only 10 years older. She ended up raising her half siblings and never got much parenting herself, aside from the church, that is.
My dad also did the best he could, but was from an old, old school father knows best, man is king family. He was at least open to letting my mom have a say in some household matters but he was still "the breadwinner". Until he lost his mining job when the backs of the copper unions were broken and never got more than day labor after that. He got so caught in his own misery and the shame of my mom becoming a rich people's housekeeper and as a seamstress.
After my dad lost his job my brother and I were a bit feral. The only rule was once we were old enough to work, if we wanted anything, we had to earn the money for it. There would be food on the table, but beyond that parenting stopped.
Fast forward: We made it through college, still giving money to our folks. We married, my brother had kids, I divorced. We have jobs...no make that careers. I am 42, my brother is 38. And I just got a lecture on the following:
1. Who is going to take care of you now that you threw away your marriage?
2. Why won't you go to Mass? If you did you might get your husband back
3. Can you send more money? We have to donate to the parish.
4. Don't stay out so late like last time!
5. Aren't you too old to wear that color?
*headdesk* Mom, Dad, stop parenting. You are about 28 years too late. God, where is dad's homebrew vodka, because this will be a long weekend.
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Re: Relationships with parents
by eselle28 Sat Oct 25, 2014 2:26 am
Oh, I am so sorry. I'd seen stuff on the general topic before but, really, your parents are being total assholes. I hope your weekend passes by quickly and as painlessly as possible under the circumstances.
Last edited by eselle28 on Sat Oct 25, 2014 2:30 am; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : uix)
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Re: Relationships with parents
by reboot Sat Oct 25, 2014 2:32 am
eselle28 wrote:Oh, I am so sorry. I had stuff on the general topic before but, really, your parents are being total assholes. I hope your weekend passes by quickly.
If I can find the vodka at least I might not remember it
Seriously. I can not decide if I am more annoyed about them being absent before or chiming in now. Probably chiming in now, but if it had been constant I would be better at ignoring it.WTF made dark red a color that was for the young? I always think smoking jackets and old men clubs when I see it...
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Re: Relationships with parents
by Guest Sat Oct 25, 2014 6:11 am
My mom's response to my anxiety and lack of motivation was to say that I had "demons in me". First time I ever yelled at anyone (didn't even do a great job of it). She frequently critiques and has too much of a say in my sister's dress choices.
My dad hit my sister until she pissed herself, for talking back to him over having a facebook account. We were never close but, that incident reinforced my decision to keep an even greater distance from him from then on.
My dad hit my sister until she pissed herself, for talking back to him over having a facebook account. We were never close but, that incident reinforced my decision to keep an even greater distance from him from then on.
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Re: Relationships with parents
by Robjection Sat Oct 25, 2014 9:15 am
Wow. Seeing things like this makes me wonder sometimes if I'm the only one who actually gets on well with his parents.
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Re: Relationships with parents
by reboot Sat Oct 25, 2014 11:32 am
Robjection wrote:Wow. Seeing things like this makes me wonder sometimes if I'm the only one who actually gets on well with his parents.
Funny thing is I get on fine with them over the phone. I might even be friendly with them if we were neighbors. When I am in their house, though, oh man, we manage to drive each other freaking crazy. I definitely provoke them, sometimes even on purpose, because I know they disapprove of what I have done with my life.
In some cases, distance does make the heart grow fonder!
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Re: Relationships with parents
by Enail Sat Oct 25, 2014 11:57 am
I get on well with my parents. Doesn't mean they don't drive me crazy, though 
I sympathize on the being suddenly over-parented, reboot, even though the circumstances of yours sound much worse and more aggravating. Lately my relationship with my parents has been a lot of 'thanks for your help and advice/argh! stop telling me what to do!" I will admit that I've not always been handling it particularly gracefully, and it's a tricky thing to negotiate anyway, so I really can't put the blame on them, though.
I sympathize on the being suddenly over-parented, reboot, even though the circumstances of yours sound much worse and more aggravating. Lately my relationship with my parents has been a lot of 'thanks for your help and advice/argh! stop telling me what to do!" I will admit that I've not always been handling it particularly gracefully, and it's a tricky thing to negotiate anyway, so I really can't put the blame on them, though.
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