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A very persistent feeling [rant/advice]

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Post by Wondering Sat Dec 06, 2014 12:58 am

How often are you having to go in?

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Post by Aggrax Sat Dec 06, 2014 5:19 am

Wondering wrote:How often are you having to go in?

Only about once a month or so, maybe skipping a month if there are scheduling issues or such. It's not very often, but I stress out about them a lot. Worrying that I didn't do enough since I was last there, trying the week before to try and make up for it and feeling stupid since I know that won't actually work, plus every time I'm afraid I'll go in and my weight will have ballooned up back into the 440's or higher.

I'm also tired of repeating the same discussion with my parents over and over again of "Well if you were more focused on loosing weight you would have this problem," or "You know, this is really the time to get serious about things" and stuff like that. I know they want to help and I feel like an ass for not wanting to listen but I've heard all of it before. I try not to get angry about it because I know if I do then in an hour or so I'll just feel guilty for feeling angry at people trying to help.
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Post by Wondering Sat Dec 06, 2014 3:42 pm

Gotcha. I was just wondering since the normal time frame for going in for diabetes is every three months, at least for Type 1s which I am. But to a lot of people, that counts as constant doctor visits. So, yeah, I'm sorry you're having to go in so often now while you're working on getting things figured out. I had to go in every month to six weeks a couple years ago when I changed insulins, and that was draining, so I totally get where you're coming from.

I don't have much advice on the weight issue, but I wonder: Are you a person who likes organization, systems, or puzzles? If so, it could be possible to gamify your diabetes management. I track my food and blood sugars on a spreadsheet, so when my sugars are unusual, too high or, much more common for me, too low, I can look at the spreadsheet and play my puzzle solving/pattern recognition game. I can't always solve the puzzle, but some data points are anomalies, and recognizing that is part of it, too. I'm sure there's some way to make it more interesting than a spreadsheet, too. Smile

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Post by Aggrax Mon Dec 08, 2014 6:15 am

Wondering wrote:Gotcha. I was just wondering since the normal time frame for going in for diabetes is every three months, at least for Type 1s which I am. But to a lot of people, that counts as constant doctor visits. So, yeah, I'm sorry you're having to go in so often now while you're working on getting things figured out. I had to go in every month to six weeks a couple years ago when I changed insulins, and that was draining, so I totally get where you're coming from.

I don't have much advice on the weight issue, but I wonder: Are you a person who likes organization, systems, or puzzles? If so, it could be possible to gamify your diabetes management. I track my food and blood sugars on a spreadsheet, so when my sugars are unusual, too high or, much more common for me, too low, I can look at the spreadsheet and play my puzzle solving/pattern recognition game. I can't always solve the puzzle, but some data points are anomalies, and recognizing that is part of it, too. I'm sure there's some way to make it more interesting than a spreadsheet, too. Smile

I tried that along with some other small changes as part of an attempt to make some more drastic changes in my life last winter. To put is simply, it did not work.

EDIT: I know this sounds incredibly stupid and whiney but I feel like I should finally say it since it has been bugging me for the last week or so. I feel like I really shouldn't be posting here. Everytime I post something I feel guilty like Im wasting everyones time and not being true. I don't think I actually want help, I just want people to feel sad about the stupid problems I post about. No real solutions just "oh there poor boy, it's okay, the internet people love you." It's not what I need. I HAVNT been trying and I HAVNT worked hard enough. Depression for me is a scapegoat, not the cause of things. Calling a spade a spade, its failure. Failure that happened because I wasn't goood enough.

Last winter my Dad proposed a system for making me work harder where I will be fined $5 everytime I fail to do something that I should. Last year I rejected it because I thought is was condecendng and childish. And it still is, but when someone acts like a child they get treated like a child and that's what needs to happen.

Edit: So, I don't want to actually post, but I wanted to get this down somewhere. My goal for the new year is to go out less. Not so much because I go out too much, I'm at home most nights, but because when I do go out I make stupid decisions and spend money that I should be saving. I need to stay in and concentrate on getting a job. Once I actually manage to land a job, I'll still be staying in and avoid people as much as possible in order to save up.
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