What I Do Wrong [I'm sick and I'm free writing]

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What I Do Wrong [I'm sick and I'm free writing] Empty What I Do Wrong [I'm sick and I'm free writing]

Post by Guest on Tue Nov 25, 2014 1:13 pm

I'm sick and have nothing better to do, so I'm gonna write out the average way most of my cold approaches have panned out and see if I'm doing anything there.

Problem is, they're so fucking boring that I don't really remember much.

I'm pretty good at getting people to laugh, although it's more of the "hahahaha better laugh to be polite" laugh than a genuine one. But their eyes tend to crinkle, so maybe they're all real ones?

I don't ever touch them, obviously, since I can never figure out how to do that without being a creep. Touching the hand is too intimate.

Farthest I've ever gotten there are handshakes and high fives but those are far less effective than people claim.

Of course, thinking about sex as the goal subconsciously and being unable to simply enjoy the conversation doesn't help either.

Because I don't usually enjoy conversations with strangers. In fact, most of the women I've cold approached have been really fucking dull, and I pretended to care because they were hot and I'm shallow.

So yeah, that's why the cold approaches never worked.

I'm not trying to go down the "all hot women are stupid" road, because I know that's not true, but it exclusively seems to be the ones I've tried to cold approach.

Actually, there was one girl who was actually really interesting and hot, and she was fun to talk to, but I never touched her once because she was never giving out any IOIs and I didn't want to look like a creep.

In fact, what seems to work most often (as in, I might actually get laid in a couple months once she's back from vacation) is pretending to be unbelievably stuck up. I changed tactics and just pretended that I was a genius (with a slight hint of sarcasm) and made constant references to how "fucking gorgeous" I am. And she really got turned on from that kind of behavior, since women really like confidence, especially if you're really good at faking it.

So maybe I've solved my own problem. Pretend to like myself well enough that people are tricked into thinking that I find myself attractive. I dunno if that works, I have a fucking horrible migraine and a fever and it's tough for me to think properly.

As I've just learned, being myself is the worst possible thing I could ever do. So for future reference, kids, dress nice and pretend to think you're hot shit. Not to the point where you're bragging every second, but in a flirtatious context, lay out the fake arrogance.

Like, an example: "I know it must be really tough to think around a man as stunningly handsome and humble as myself."

So it's more of a slight joke, but there's still the suggestion that you find yourself attractive, but not to Patrick Bateman levels of absurdity.

Fake it till you make it, I guess. When I lose this headache, I'm gonna try to cold approach people like this, convincing myself that I am hot shit, at least until she's gone.

But I'm not gonna start out with the bragging, unless the opportunity calls for it. I dunno, I'm overthinking again. I feel like I'm cracking some kind of mathematical code or something, the code of How To Trick Women Into Finding You Attractive Because Hey If Ron Jeremy Can I Can Too.

That's some Red Pill shit, I know. But there's no fucking way a woman would like me unless I present a different identity to her. And if she ditches me because she sees the real me and is revolted, fine. I can't be Glides the Moping Loser, I have to be Glides the Casanova.

I really should stop making forum posts, I just can't help it. At least I'm not ranting right now about Blah Blah Blah I'm So Ugly No One Will Ever Love Me.

My point being, if you're naturally boring, pretend to be interesting. Women like confidence and men who take care of themselves, and I'm definitely the latter, even if my face is too Eastern European to be truly attractive (I hate being Eastern European, we are cursed in the face department). I'm blaming the face. And the receding hairline (like Michael Fassbender receding, not George Costanza). And the Jew nose. And the puffy ass lips. And the babyface and the soft chin.

I dunno, I'll think of more shit to blame, I'm kinda delirious right now. If you guys laugh this'll all be worth it.

I've at least stopped publicly making jokes mocking my own appearance.

A couple days ago this chick sitting next to me was randomly stroking my hair and holding my face in her hands, and so I'd just poke her on the nose or something like that, and she told me to stop, but she never tensed up or showed any signs of revulsion when I did before. I did stop, because I didn't want to look like a creep, but I couldn't figure out if she was flirting or something.

I kept sticking my index finger next to her mouth and then she'd bite on my finger and then I'd wipe her saliva on her shoulder.

I dunno, it was weird. I just sorta went with it.

I don't have any friends. I've never had a single friend in my life. I have only acquaintances and I've only ever had acquaintances. I'm incapable of connecting with any other human being, it's why no one really likes me.

I also don't trust a single human being on this planet. I don't trust any of you. It's nothing personal, you're all wonderful (OK, I take that back, most of you are wonderful).

"Go to therapy!'

I don't wannaaaaaaaaaa. Therapy is scary!

I'm scared shitless of attractive women. Some article the Doc wrote was about figuring out deep down why you couldn't get laid, that's mine. I'm scared shitless of them. I have them all collectively on a pedestal. It's why I'm so perfectly comfortable talking to women I'm not attracted to.

I remember that my English teacher in fourth grade played a prank on me where she pretended that the girl I had a crush on had a journal entry confessing her secret love for me. My fourth grade English teacher was a word rhyming with bunt.

Come on and fight me, Enail. Wink

Of course, I never actually read that girl's journal, so maybe she wasn't lying and maybe there was an entry about how much this random ass girl loved me or something, I dunno.

I should move to Europe. I hear they like pale nerdy Jewish virgin boys over there.

I don't know which country, just one of them. Like the genius artist I am.

I think part of the appeal of writing all this is that you get to see it. Regardless of its quality, it wouldn't be quite the same if no one else knew how I felt.

I wish I could talk like this IRL without getting laughed at.

I wish anyone could talk IRL like this without getting laughed at.

Because fuck your opinions of me, I can't see you laughing at me so it's not actually happening.

This is actually kind of relaxing, not having to censor myself. For a change, where I spend every other waking moment censoring myself.

I've actually tried to not censor myself IRL, I just can't do it. The mental blocks are too strong.

I just want to run outside and scream "I'm fucked up and no one loves me!" Without getting arrested.

This is why net neutrality must exist: the internet is the only place where anyone can truly be themselves.

Like Oscar Wilde said, "give a man a mask and he'll tell you the truth." Or something, I'm paraphrasing.

I'd probably like myself a lot more if I could wear a mask that hid my identity. It's why Spider-Man's a lot happier when he's Spider-Man.

When Peter Parker looks in the mirror, he just sees boring ass virgin nerd Peter Parker.

But nobody knows anything about Spider-Man, and that's why people like him. J. Jonah Jameson is an exception.

That's why I don't like the reboots, they make Peter Parker cool.

Since the fuck when is he some emo-badass-skate-bro? He's a fucking nerd who can't do anything right!

He's like me and every other virgin loser boy out there.

Andrew Garfield's a good actor, so I'm not dissing him. I just hate the way they wrote his character.

It's funny because I play really tough IRL, I'm only a sensitive wimp online.

I'd actually rather get someone mad at me than express any kind of sensitivity and vulnerability.

And whenever I slip, people think less of me.

Isn't that a real bitch?

I actually dress and act like a frat boy now, it's kind of weird, especially considering who I was as a kid.

And I have more "friends" than ever.

They should give me a fucking Oscar.

A lot of people think I'm asexual, I do nothing to dissuade those rumors.

And since I flirt with literally everyone I know, male or female, they probably don't know when it's real.

Serves as a good cover for me.

Whenever I'm asked about sex, I say, "tried it, hated it. Felt weird."

An acquaintance's girlfriend tried to pretend to fellate me to get back at her boyfriend, in front of him, right after they'd finished arguing in front of everyone.

I pushed her away, because why the fuck does she think she can touch me?

She screamed, "what the fuck, a woman's offering to blow you and you push her away? What kind of faggot are you?"

The boyfriend and everyone else laughed at me.

I mean, it wasn't a serious offer and I wasn't about to go for it even if it was.

Isn't that kind of fucked up, though? I do the respectable thing and I'm mocked for it.

I slip, become vulnerable, do something decent for a change, and I'm mocked for it.

Like what should've I done, grabbed her head and pushed it against my crotch? Would they all have cheered me on for being a real man then?

I need new "friends."

That happened a couple days ago and none of them have talked to me since.

I don't even have "friends" anymore.

I'd be pretty pissed if a hypothetical girlfriend did that to me to make me jealous.

People confuse the shit out of me. Everyone confuses me.

Yeah, I'm just as disgusting as they are, if not more so.

Someone told me once that I was too ugly for such high standards.

"Do what I do, go for the first pussy that makes itself available. True love is only for the beautiful anyway. Marry that girl, tolerate her for the pussy. Tolerate the children for the pussy."

That was in high school, I think.

Yeah, I'm the Red Pill guy here, clearly.

Like I said, I don't connect with people, period, so I don't really know. I don't know what intimacy really feels like. Seems nice. Wish I could experience it for myself.

Nobody loves me. Not like in a negative "GAH I'M SO HORRIBLE" way, just in a "I can't fucking connect with anyone and I don't know how" kinda way.

Like if I could, would I be able to? Would people want to if I could?

Hell if I know.

God I'm so fucking alone. All the fucking time. Even when I'm not physically alone, I still feel alone.

I'm jealous of happy people who never feel alone.

Unless nobody's like that. I don't really know, being unable to connect with people and all.


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What I Do Wrong [I'm sick and I'm free writing] Empty Re: What I Do Wrong [I'm sick and I'm free writing]

Post by BasedBuzzed on Tue Nov 25, 2014 1:46 pm

Calling yourself fucking gorgeous and all that jazz is self-deprecation, but confident self-deprecation. You've eliminated the undertone of self-hate from it. This is good.

If I may speculate, the disconnect you feel comes from trying to theorize and introspect hard at times in which you're interacting with others, meaning you don't really feel as in the moment as you perceive the rest to be. At least, that's what bothers me from time to time.

You don't have to fear turning into some Blanc clone: you're switching between assigning blame for the lack of connection to the women and then to yourself, but a lack of connection is simply a process of moving on when there's no spark. Which you already do, and then the anxiety kicks in and you start theorizing.

At this point, it looks like you're moving forward bit by bit regardless of what your mental state is at the time.

Pompeii, VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1904: "O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin."

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