Re: Advice From A Sexually Experienced Man (AKA I Envy My Roommate)

[Guest]

Hey, Glides, I can see why this would have you feeling really upset, but I'd really suggest you try and step back and give yourself a little time to get some perspective before you burn your bridges or give up on friendship forever.

I still haven't determined how many people saw that post. The few people I asked had no idea what I was talking about.

I've calmed down a bit, even though it's been two days of mostly ignoring each other. He keeps insisting he did nothing wrong and refuses to apologize.

I don't even know where he gets all these crazy statements about me, none of it reflects my current state of existence.

[Guest]

So, you've been doing this for years. Let's not forget that you've made a lot of improvements during those years (and if you're going to argue with me on that one, first ask yourself if you'd be happy to go back to the social skills you had, say, 5 or 6 years ago). I know, there are a lot of things you're still struggling with that are extremely painful and frustrating and hard, but you are improving, bit by bit. You're persisting, you're adapting your strategies, you're getting the help of a therapist; you're on the right path. You don't need us to tell you how, you're already doing it.

You got me there. No, I don't want to go back to a time in which I would go days without saying a single word to anyone out loud because I had literally no one to talk to. It took a long-ass time to start attempting to socialize. Fine, you got me there.

Funny how the shrink detected that I have social anxiety almost immediately. I'm seeing her tomorrow, dunno if I should tell her about Roomie's "every socially awkward person should die in a concentration camp" rant. Had my first panic attack in nearly a month only two days ago, I'm regressing again.

You can't stop them from leaving, but you can make the effort to stay connected with them. Do that. And use this as a reminder that you, too, are mobile, or can be in the future. Soon you'll be someone with connections in other places. Maybe at some point you'll want to go to New York or Vancouver or somewhere else that's likely to be a better fit for you culturally.

In regards to being isolated, do you like any of the acquaintances? Not 'do they like you.' Do you like them? If so, start now trying to establish a friendship that's a little independent of your roommate's friendship. Make a point to talk to them when you're hanging out, maybe try and suggest doing things together (you can include the roommate and other people, but if you can start establishing the idea that you're an inviter and and a social entity apart from your roommate, that'll help you keep up a friendship when he's not around)

I talk to all of them on a pretty casual basis. I don't like them or dislike them, they're just there. They're good for forgetting how alone I feel. They are as apathetic to my existence as I am to theirs. But no deep conversations or "friend" things, just dick jokes and weed. They wouldn't abandon me because they don't like me, they'd just forget about me because I don't make good or bad impressions on people. I'm very easily forgotten. I've got those rare moments when I make a joke and people laugh at it, but for the most part, I am looked through, not at.

Cellophane, Mister Cellophane, shoulda been my name, Mister Cellophane. You can look right through me, walk right by me, and never know I'm there.

Greatness =/= value.

I want people to want me to exist. So whichever one of those that applies to, that one.

Go eat something, get some rest tonight. Being starving and tired just makes stress and depression worse.

I've eaten, but I've had a ton of trouble sleeping lately. I actually scared my barber, I looked pretty deranged. Purple bags around the eyes, sunken cheeks, white as a polar bear. I looked like one of those War Boys in Fury Road (one of the few great things about humanity, Furiosa be praised), with hair and no muscle.

Dude, why do you think drugs are so popular? Your brain isn't special or unique - everyone else likes drugs for the same reason you do.

Crying can be useful, emotional-type tears are actually a way of getting stress hormones out of your body. Don't beat yourself up too much if you can't manage it though, it's harder for dudes to cry than women. Partially because of cultural bullshit, but also because testosterone does actually suppress tears (ask anyone who's ever taken medication that alters the balance of sex hormones in their body, they will tell you it wreaked havoc on their tear ducts).

And while I haven't met any of those directors, I know that Martin Scorsese is 5'4" and no winner in the looks department. I also know that there's a strong positive correlation between being in creative professions and mental illness.

Takes a lot to make me cry. When I do, it all comes out at once. Last time I cried is when that girl I thought I was in love with started bragging about her new boyfriend and what a fantastic lover he was, but luckily that was after I hung up.

You know what, that's TMI. I'm leaving it, you don't know me.

Thank god they're all insane though, that gives me a tiny little chance to surpass them somehow. Isn't that the stupidest goal ever? It's like being a baseball player trying out-hit Babe Ruth.

You're pretty optimistic, saying you'll live to 90. Might be the only area where you have shown optimism. That's kind of funny.

It's ironic, despite the myriad of medical issues my family suffers from, we tend to live pretty long. Not to mention that I'm one of the healthier people in my family and that makes my chances even better. The only possible way I wouldn't live that long is if I was murdered, so fingers crossed for that.

[Enail]

I still haven't determined how many people saw that post. The few people I asked had no idea what I was talking about.

Then probably very few saw it, or registered it even if they did see it, or read it the same way you did if they did register it.

I've calmed down a bit, even though it's been two days of mostly ignoring each other. He keeps insisting he did nothing wrong and refuses to apologize.

Did you tell him that you're not okay with him posting such personal things about you in public? It's up to you if you think the friendship can move past it even if he doesn't believe he did anything wrong, but it might be easier if you can pinpoint one or two messages you need him to take away from this.

Funny how the shrink detected that I have social anxiety almost immediately. I'm seeing her tomorrow, dunno if I should tell her about Roomie's "every socially awkward person should die in a concentration camp" rant. Had my first panic attack in nearly a month only two days ago, I'm regressing again.

You know that's nowhere near what he said. At the absolute worst interpretation, he said that socially anxious people are self-centered. Maybe that's how bad it felt, but he is not wishing you horrific death here, and I don't think exaggerating to that level is going to help you deal with it.

Having a panic attack when you haven't had one in a while doesn't mean you're regressing, it means that the frequency of your panic attacks has decreased. It's natural that a really upsetting situation might trigger one or even a period of more frequent attacks in general, even if they've reduced overall.

I talk to all of them on a pretty casual basis. I don't like them or dislike them, they're just there. They're good for forgetting how alone I feel. They are as apathetic to my existence as I am to theirs. But no deep conversations or "friend" things, just dick jokes and weed. They wouldn't abandon me because they don't like me, they'd just forget about me because I don't make good or bad impressions on people. I'm very easily forgotten. I've got those rare moments when I make a joke and people laugh at it, but for the most part, I am looked through, not at.

Cellophane, Mister Cellophane, shoulda been my name, Mister Cellophane. You can look right through me, walk right by me, and never know I'm there.

Okay, that's too bad that there's no one you really like. But if it's sometimes good to hang out with them just for the company, you can still try and nudge the friendship into continuing even after your roommate has left by making a few first moves yourself, if you are up to it.

Greatness =/= value.

I want people to want me to exist. So whichever one of those that applies to, that one. [/quote]

I think that's a third thing, that has some relation to the first two. If it helps any to know that imaginary internet people want you to exist, I do.

[Guest]

Goddammit.

[Guest]

Goddammit again.

[Prajnaparamita]

Goddammit.

Yes, I can guarantee number four on that list will never happen, not to you and not to anyone, because life isn't a shoujo anime. Hate to break it to you man.

[BasedBuzzed]

This narrative could just as well be forged about you:
>you'll never finally pin him down after he tries to pretend he isn't noticing you while he constantly throws glances from across the room
>that puffed-up swagger that's so adorable will never be done in front of you
>he'll never try start a thread on the internet asking for advice on what you see in him
>you'll never prick through all his self-flagellation to tell him the myriad of reasons why you like him
>you'll never comfort him once he hits a low
>you'll never be there to see how he shoots his films and realize how passionate he is about his hobby
>you'll never hear him confess how much he actually hates the whole alpha male gig
>you'll never guide him through his first steps in bed while he listens and adapts to what you want from him
>you'll never be by his side while he overcomes his problems and whispers in your ear that you're his rock

In short, don't hang out with arcanines(not in the least because they're shite in the metagame).

[Guest]

Yes, I can guarantee number four on that list will never happen, not to you and not to anyone, because life isn't a shoujo anime. Hate to break it to you man.

Funny thing is, I don't even watch anime. I might as well start, since my social life has gradually vanished to the point where I'm basically an otaku without the anime and the body pillow.

I remain in contact with a single person in any kind of social context at this date in time. Things are not looking good.

This narrative could just as well be forged about you:
>you'll never finally pin him down after he tries to pretend he isn't noticing you while he constantly throws glances from across the room
>that puffed-up swagger that's so adorable will never be done in front of you
>he'll never try start a thread on the internet asking for advice on what you see in him
>you'll never prick through all his self-flagellation to tell him the myriad of reasons why you like him
>you'll never comfort him once he hits a low
>you'll never be there to see how he shoots his films and realize how passionate he is about his hobby
>you'll never hear him confess how much he actually hates the whole alpha male gig
>you'll never guide him through his first steps in bed while he listens and adapts to what you want from him
>you'll never be by his side while he overcomes his problems and whispers in your ear that you're his rock

In short, don't hang out with arcanines(not in the least because they're shite in the metagame).

God, this freaked me out a lot more than I wanted to admit. One, because none of that except for the "passion" shit is even remotely attractive. Two, because imagining a woman who is genuinely attracted to me is like imagining a unicorn or God.

I dunno dude, I know you wrote that just to spite me, but that really did hurt to read. I felt nausea reading that.

I know Arcanine is a Pokemon, but that's as far as I understood that reference. Something something EV training.

[Enail]

I remain in contact with a single person in any kind of social context at this date in time. Things are not looking good.

You've had socially isolated periods before and gotten yourself out of them, and your skills are better now. It's a shitty situation to be in, and I'm sorry you're going through that, but don't go leaping into despair.

God, this freaked me out a lot more than I wanted to admit. One, because none of that except for the "passion" shit is even remotely attractive. Two, because imagining a woman who is genuinely attracted to me is like imagining a unicorn or God.

I dunno dude, I know you wrote that just to spite me, but that really did hurt to read. I felt nausea reading that.

I don't totally get everything BasedBuzzed was saying, but I don't think he was saying it to hurt you. At least some of the things he was listing sound like pretty common romantic fantasies; the guy who plays hard-to-get but it's really because he's so into her that he's shy about it, being the one special person that he's willing to be vulnerable with. These kinds of tropes are often played out in pretty unhealthy ways in fictional romances (as are so many tropes aimed at all genders), but just because you don't think there's anything attractive there doesn't mean there aren't people who would find it so.

[BasedBuzzed]

Arcanine is a reference to /rk9/, the typical board where such feels stuff is posted. It's also a pretty toxic community that might know the feelings you're going through well, but will also try to spoonfeed you a handy helping of beaches and shores and 3DPD to go along with it.

This is not to mock you, and done with self-descriptions you've made at various points. You say they're unattractive qualities but there are dudettes out there who think of them as attractive. Some bad dudettes like fixer-uppers, but also dudettes who will see you as more authentic when they see your vulnerable side and how you write about it, perhaps because it might resonate with some of their own hang-ups. You will always be attractive, sympathetic or brave to some folks.

[Guest]

Arcanine is a reference to /rk9/, the typical board where such feels stuff is posted. It's also a pretty toxic community that might know the feelings you're going through well, but will also try to spoonfeed you a handy helping of beaches and shores and 3DPD to go along with it.

This is not to mock you, and done with self-descriptions you've made at various points. You say they're unattractive qualities but there are dudettes out there who think of them as attractive. Some bad dudettes like fixer-uppers, but also dudettes who will see you as more authentic when they see your vulnerable side and how you write about it, perhaps because it might resonate with some of their own hang-ups. You will always be attractive, sympathetic or brave to some folks.

Looking on the bright side, I don't go on 4chan. I found that on Reddit.

Collective response to my writings on here has universally been disgust at worst and exasperation at best, so let's not give me that much credit.

If I ever meet one of those unicorns, I'll be sure to tell you. There hasn't been a single one so far that hasn't been completely manipulative.

[Herr R]

With my banishment from my own fucking incel forums, combined with my lack of any actual progress in obtaining full manhood status, I'm thinking of either going to /r9k/ myself or starting another incel board. All the self-loathing you can eat, now with 90% less Red Pills!

[Guest]

With my banishment from my own fucking incel forums, combined with my lack of any actual progress in obtaining full manhood status, I'm thinking of either going to /r9k/ myself or starting another incel board. All the self-loathing you can eat, now with 90% less Red Pills!

Sign me up for a lifetime subscription, I'm gonna be needing it.

[Kurairush]

I've been reading through your threads for a while, but I never could think of any real good advice to give.
Then I noticed the post where you (presumably) joked about starting to watch anime.
To be serious, I think you should check out Welcome to the N.H.K.

While it's more effective with otaku, I showed the series to an Internet friend last year and it (along the ecchi comedy, Golden Boy for some reason) helped him feel better. Shoot, the series even woke me up when I wstched in 2012!
I'm not sure if there are other anime about social anxieties and such (sans Watamote, is more offensive than humorous), but Welcome to the N.H.K is really an insightful series.

Afraid I can't offer much else since I've never been in any relationships or had problems with girls before :/

[Guest]

Goddammit.

Fuck it. I have my guitar, my artwork, my films and my dogs.

In short, don't hang out with arcanines(not in the least because they're shite in the metagame).

Arcanine is a reference to /rk9/, the typical board where such feels stuff is posted. It's also a pretty toxic community that might know the feelings you're going through well, but will also try to spoonfeed you a handy helping of beaches and shores and 3DPD to go along with it.

Yuck, when I first encountered /r9k/ it was filled to the brim with pretensious assholes.