Feeling Vunerable 2

[Gman]

So after a long hiatus from posting on this site (but I have still lurked around a bit from time to time) I decided to post again after a few things that happened to me/that I realized lately.

It all started last week, when I went on a vacation with my family to the Island of Rhodes in Greece. It was absolutely an amazing experience and I loved every moment of it! The highlight of my trip, for me at least, was when I went all by my own to a small local latin dance bar not far from my hotel.

I just couldn't believe it, the place was amazing, super friendly people all around, I did take a few drinks (but not many or something that drastically altered my judgement) and in general I was in a SUPER good mood. Long story short, I meet this amazingly attractive lady and we dance very closely together. Afterwards, she expresses how much fun she had with me and that she has never danced like that before ever. Then something very out of character happened – I simply told her "Well, it doesn't hurt that you're also very sexy". I say out of character because as far as I remember, I don't think I have ever called someone who I just met as being "sexy". She seemed to appreciate that, as she seemed to blush and smile. But nothing happened beyond that.

The thing that strikes me the most about this moment came later, after I decided to re-read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. It's a fascinating self-help book about the "Nice Guy Tm." Behavioral patterns, how they get created, manifest and what are actions you can take to help break free from their rather negative effects. In this book, one of the breaking free activities is "going to a place alone where absolutely no one knows you". The point there is to help integrate the primary message of "Putting yourself first instead of others" in ones mind by allowing one to break free from the fear of being judged by others – because no one knows you and you don't care about their opinion, you aren't afraid of being judged by them so you act more true to yourself then in other situations.

This is EXACTLY what happened in the situation I just described. I told her she was sexy because I felt that that was something appropriate to say in that situation, while not really caring what anyone else there might think about that. However, I still felt a very palpable fear rise in me as I came to say it. It served to prove to me that my fear was just that, a fear just like any other that I came over that time.

This was kind of a revelation to me, as it helped make very clear one of my biggest problems when it comes to improving myself, especially in dating – trying to not care about what others might think of me because of X, Y or Z.

Also, I kind of had an emotional moment after some very engrossing dances later when I returned home. It made me all emotional and I got very sad all of a sudden because it reminded me of emotions I had back with my ex and it hurt real bad. But I guess I'm fine now. Dunno.

Anyway, epic scroll of text over now. Don't really know what to make of all this and just wanted to vent, I guess.