Hard to make a practical arrangement, confused [adv]

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Hard to make a practical arrangement, confused [adv]

Post by Hirundo Bos on Fri Feb 12, 2016 7:59 am

I have some difficulties with giving things to a certain aquaintance... there's a backstory where I bought a book from him at an event. I didn't have cash on me at the time, and the payment was to involve a third party, so he couldn't just give me his account number, he had to send a bill. So we added each other on Facebook, I gave him my adress, nothing happened. After some months I sent a reminder, and he said sorry, he'd be on it... then after some months more I sent another reminder, and don't remember if I even got a reply.

Then earlier this year I saw him in person, and said "hi, I owe you some money", and he seemed enthusiastic about that, and I said "well, I don't have them on me now"... then I saw him in person again a few weeks later, and this time I'd made sure to bring some cash.

I was probably a bit too eager because I went over to him with the cash in my hand, said "here's the money I owe you." He said thanks a bit dismissively, I said "you know, for that thing," he said thanks again a bit dismissively and I became uncertain and mentioned the thing again, and then he locked eyes with me, and whispered THANK YOU in capital letters with an animated face that clearly said "shut the hell up". I gathered that someone there wasn't supposed to know, (most likely representatives from the third party that should have sent me the bill in the first place,) and shut up, but felt the whole thing a bit unfair.

Now, there are probably things going on here that I only halfway understand, so I've included a lot of detail inthe story, and if anything stand out to – you know, people that can read subtext – I'd be interested to hear it.

There's a more immediate situation, though. I have some miniature gaming... well, miniatures at home that I'm clearly not going to use, because I've had them for about 15 years now? So I put them out on Facebook and asked if anybody else were interested, and this person was the first to reply... so I said we could DM about when and where to transfer, and he pushed that like-thing. So I so said by DM I didn't know about the week after, but the present week I was pretty flexible on Thursday and Friday. He said he was busy on Thursday, didn't know about Friday, I said get back to me when you know, and he didn't reply. Then over the weekend, I DMed him again, got no reply, DMed him the next day with some more specific suggestions, and got no reply. And that was the beginning of this week.

So again... what's the things happening here that I only partly get (or maybe not at all)... and what do I do if I don't hear anything? At what point can I give the stuff to someone else, and do I notify him first, or do I assume that if he doesn't reply, he's not very interested after all? I think that's my underlying issue here – I don't know what obligations I have or not when making arrangements for a thing turn out to be hard. (I have trouble understanding obligations in general)
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Re: Hard to make a practical arrangement, confused [adv]

Post by reboot on Fri Feb 12, 2016 9:10 am

It sounds like he is a bit flakey and forgetful. If someone else wants to take/buy them, it would be 100% OK to give/sell them to the new person. In this kind of thing, silence can be taken as the answer "I changed my mind and do not care enough to follow up" or even "I forgot that I even indicated interest".

If at some later date after you sell he comes and asks about the miniatures, just say, " Oh, I already sold those after I did not hear back from you. If I decide to get rid of more, I will let you know "
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Re: Hard to make a practical arrangement, confused [adv]

Post by Wondering on Fri Feb 12, 2016 1:00 pm

I think I'd let him know first. Send a message like, "Okay, I haven't heard back from you, so I'm going to give them to someone else if I don't hear back with specific plans by the day after tomorrow."

I agree he sounds flakey. But maybe being super busy or preoccupied is his reason for flaking.

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Re: Hard to make a practical arrangement, confused [adv]

Post by eselle28 on Fri Feb 12, 2016 2:33 pm

I second Wondering's recommendation. I don't think you absolutely need to say anything first, but I do think it will make it a lot easier for you practically, since doing so will make it possible to relist the items on Facebook rather than finding some other way to find a person who wants them. If he can't come up with a date, I think you can assume he wasn't all that interested in the miniatures.
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Re: Hard to make a practical arrangement, confused [adv]

Post by litterature on Fri Feb 12, 2016 3:15 pm

Yeah, I agree with Wondering too. Honestly I don't understand what the subtext to your previous interactions might be, but this person looks like someone you don't really want to make deals with.

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Re: Hard to make a practical arrangement, confused [adv]

Post by Hirundo Bos on Tue Feb 16, 2016 8:47 am

Thanks for the input. I sent a message now that said if you're still interested, it would be nice if we could arrange something this week, if not, I'll try to find someone else.

(There's a one day board game and rpg convention on Saturday, so that could be one place to look for something else... and there's another person who responded to the Facebook ad, but he's got not so effective social antennae, so communicating with him takes a bit of effort, especially when mine aren't that good either.)
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Re: Hard to make a practical arrangement, confused [adv]

Post by Hirundo Bos on Mon Mar 07, 2016 7:26 am

The person got back to me the other day and asked if I'd given away the things yet, which I hadn't. We agreed to meet up close to where he lived at a certain time. Fifteen minutes after that time he hadn't showed up, but rather than resign and go home I gathered my courage and found his number and called him... he'd forgotten all about it but rushed out to meet me, and I now have two less items of kipple, which is a disproportionately great relief.

(And I suspect that busyness and preoccupation is the reason he's been hard to reach.)
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