Crush On A Woman At Trivia-Help And/Or Encouragement Needed

[Ben Folds Fan 530]

Hey all. I have a crush on someone, am not sure how to handle it, and would love to hear what y'all have to say.

I play movie trivia with my film group on a weekly basis. In this time, I've developed a bit of a crush on one of the regulars from one of the other teams. The trouble is, I don't have a lot of time to talk to people before trivia begins and you only focus on talking to your trivia mates. Plus, on top of that, I have the hardest time initiating conversation with anyone relatively new to me. Even with all of these factors against me, I did have a little conversation with her this past Tuesday and thought things well, with everything flowing really naturally and me not feeling particularly nervous or like I was messing up. So, I'm buoyed by that a little bit. However, I'm not sure how I can approach trying to see if she'd be receptive to a friendship or something more, something beyond just a regular face that's seen every Tuesday night. Any advice, critiques, clarifying questions, etc. would be welcome.

Note on friendship: While I am framing this as a crush, and those feelings are guiding me, I definitely am not opposed to a new friendship, as I definitely would be super happy to have some new friendships in my life. Hell, I'd be happy to double down and get new friendships and maybe a new member of my film group, as it only has two female regulars at the moment.

[litterature]

What happens after you're done playing?

[Ben Folds Fan 530]

When trivia's done, I usually just convene with my film group outside of the bar and we have a sort of debriefing/big conversation afterwards. Not sure what her team does, since I can't remember seeing her team leave the place.

[DrTovah]

I've been on the receiving end many times. I'm single, and many times had some positive interaction with a great guy at a regular event.

I keep thinking why doesn't he invite me to stay a bit longer for a drink with his group. Perhaps I'm looking to move to that group, but I really know anyone there. If she says yes, then success!

However if she can't it is most likely not a rejection of you. She will still most appreciate the offer (so consider this a success of a different type). Maybe she's married or has a steady boyfriend. Maybe her ride is the in group and she doesn't know you well enough to ask you to take her home. Or she has anxiety or a headache and dragged herself to the meetup. Or she's going to work or has to get up very early or has some other commitment. If that's the case, compliment her on the fun competition, wish her a good night and see her next week, and be your normal self.

[eselle28]

I think if you want to get to know her a little better, you might want to suggest that your team hang out in the bar and grab a couple of drinks before your debriefing, or alternately beg out of it every now and then. You might want to feel out your film group trivia mates a bit before deciding which one would be the better option. If it seems like they would like to make more friends rather than just interacting with people in a competitive way, the first is a good option. If it seems like your group mostly consists of people who already have all the friends they're looking for, I think individually excusing yourself would be better.

[reboot]

If it was me, I would suggest that both teams do something after and I would schedule it in advance. For example, at this week's meet suggest that next meet both teams plan to grab a drink or something

[Ben Folds Fan 530]

I actually need to make one other clarification which I didn't even think about since it's an accepted part of this trivia night: it starts and ends much later than your typical trivia night, starting at 8:30 and going until about 11:00. Because of that and the fact that it takes place on Tuesdays, there really isn't time to do much of anything other than debrief and go home.

[reboot]

Then suggest a meet up ahead of the game. Maybe suggest a friendly coffee or cocktail between rivals?

Your other option is to ask her on a date and see what happens

[DrTovah]

Getting a drink (and even at a bar it can be a coffee, juice or soda, not necessary alcohol) after debrief can be as quick as 10-20 minutes. The point is to make a contact to see if there's further interest.

If there's really no time, i.e. the restaurant is immediately closing up and there's nothing down the street, then you could ask for her contact info, then ask her out. However, I think it is much better to make real contact, even if very brief sooner than later.

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