Need advise regarding facebook

[Student]

Through a former crush, N, I've met a very cool person, X (met her several times actually,) who I want to ask for a date. So I ask N "Is X single? I've been thinking of asking her for a date" which was met with approval from former crush. "Yes she's single" and "You should totally ask her out!"

Two days ago I sent a facebook message (facebook is more casual than phone and I don't have her phone number anyway). The message was something like: "You seem like an awesome person. We should go on a date". There was no reply, but the message was also not marked as read. She is not on my friendlist.

N believes the message could have gotten lost because we're not friends on facebook.

What should I do?

[reboot]

I do not use facebook, but I have heard that messages from people you do not know or do not interact with much end up in some mystery folder that you have to actively seek rather than your inbox. Maybe add her as a friend first? Although salt my advice because I am not on FB

[BasedBuzzed]

Message sounds a bit bare bones, perhaps mention what you liked about meeting her ("loved our convo on X/impressed by story Y"), mention you want to take her on a date and also give a date suggestion that falls in line with what you folks bonded over, if applicable?

I'd say nuke previous message if possible, friend her and resend one that is a bit spruced up.

[Werel]

Totally possible it went to her spam folder and she didn't see it; seconding the advice to delete it if possible, send her a friend request, and try again (maybe, like BB said, with one that mentions a specific thing you remember about her). Good luck!

[Student]

Friend request sent... (to be honest I was thinking of doing that before sending the previous message, but I figured it'd be a bit awkward if she didn't want to go on a date)

[BasedBuzzed]

Depends on how you/she treats FB, I myself never bother to prune my friends list and have added people from one-off events, internet slapfights and the like. Especially if you're gonna see her in the future anyway, not making a rejection awkward by not giving a damn if the convo dies and you're still FB buds is a good starting place.

[Student]

Bleh. Rejection.

[eselle28]

Bummer! I'm sorry.

If you go the Facebook route again in the future, I'd say do the add first and then make some conversation on Messenger before suggesting a date. You've been thinking of how to ask her out so it seems organic to you, but from the other person's side of things, it might have seemed a little out of nowhere.

Rejection sucks, though. Be nice to yourself tonight. Oh, and good on you for getting past your first crush and continuing to meet new women and ask them out.

[Student]

Bummer! I'm sorry.

If you go the Facebook route again in the future, I'd say do the add first and then make some conversation on Messenger before suggesting a date. You've been thinking of how to ask her out so it seems organic to you, but from the other person's side of things, it might have seemed a little out of nowhere.

Rejection sucks, though. Be nice to yourself tonight. Oh, and good on you for getting past your first crush and continuing to meet new women and ask them out.

Not sure if that would've made any difference here, though. X has been single for a very long time and seems to want to keep it that way (according to N).

Also just to clarify: N was my former crush, not my first crush. I think despite this failure this shows that there's really no point in rejecting someone's company just because they're not available / interested. I wouldn't have had the opportunity to ask X out if I hadn't met her through N.

[Werel]

Amen to that! Sorry about the no, but kudos for taking such a good perspective on it--cool people are often worth adding to your life in a non-romantic way.

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