Mid 20's crisis RANT - No Love, No Job...

[Gman]

[ltr]I thought this would go away by now, but it clearly isn't and I just need to vent about it a bit.
It's been almost a year since Met my ex broke up with me. Even though a lot of time has passed since we broke up, my love life still feels just as stuck as it was before I met her.
I cannot stop thinking about her. Every now and then there are all sorts of things that remind me about her. While most of the time it doesn't really bother me, last night was rough and this made me really think hard about my situation.

It started to heavily snow in my city last night. I looked outside my window to watch the snow fall down. It's such a beautiful thing – in my opinion there aren't many other things that are that beautiful as snow falling down. Then I remembered her again – I just felt that moment, that more than anything else in the world I would have loved to share it with her……. I then just cried so hard, but I had to keep quiet as to not wake my parents up from the other room.

Now, just to be clear, it's not that I didn't or don't have right now other women on my radar, because I do. The problem is that I'm not really doing anything about them…. I have become really afraid of trying to ask women out again. I only asked exactly 2 other women out since then and while one did agree and we had a single date (which was actually OK), it didn't lead anywhere. I feel like I want to ask more women out (and if not that – at least find a way to just talk to them and get to know them better), but every time I find reasons why I shouldn't even try, why it will be pointless to do so.

My main problem – and I think I have mentioned this in other posts as well – is that while I am a good dancer, I simply cannot find reasons or ways to talk with women who interest me. I have become laser focused on strictly dancing – which has allowed me to improve my dancing skills to new heights. But socially speaking I barely get to talk with people there in general. When I do get to talk, it's strictly on a casual/impersonal level, talking about things in the dance scene, study, work, etc. I feel like the conditions around me need to be as perfect as possible before I even think about asking someone out. If I even suspect that other men might be interested in the same women I am – I have this deep sense of despair run through me. I have all sorts of reason/fears why I don't try – I am mostly afraid that I will somehow mess up so badly, that my reputation among the people in the dance scene will become damaged beyond repair and all the other women there wouldn't want to dance with me too and I will fuck myself over in the only hobby that brings me true happiness. It's a stupid fear, I know, but for some reason it's what I feel.

Another issue bothering me is my independence. I am 26 years old and still living with my parents. While I know that this isn't the end of the world, it's been bothering me a lot too lately. I did have a short student summer time job in my field last year that was my first job ever. I had an interview last week for another job, but I didn't make the cut and it really bummed me out because I felt it was a great opportunity to get a good footing in my field. I feel like a failure because of it. People in my dance scene, some who are barley 21 years old, are working and living independently like it's nothing while I just sit down on my ass at home. The reason I stayed home till now was because I was studying for my B.A. Now that I have graduated my B.A. (and moved to studying for my M.A.), I feel the time to move out has come. This problem is a far more manageable problem for me though – I plan on starting looking for something new sometime during next month (after the dance festival).

But this is also affecting my dating mentality – who would want to date someone my age that's still living at home? Most of my fellow classmates in my M.A program are also working in student/half time/full time jobs in their respective fields and some are also paired up with partners/getting engaged/married. I feel like I am dragging behind everyone else that I know. This is also a partial reason why my ex broke up with me in the first place – she was deep in her doctorates, living in an apartment, owns her own vehicle etc – while I was just getting started in my student summer job – my first real, actual job in my life and also entering my first relationship ever.....


To sum things up, I feeling kind of down in general. Maybe it's some sort of mild depression, I don't know. All I know is that this sucks and that I need to make it stop, like NOW - it's driving me crazy. I just don't know how. [/ltr]

[StrangePanda]

Oh, Gman, I feel you on this subject ! In my mid-twenties too and no relationship, no job... And I have met a lot of people my age or even younger who have both and do other activities as well and manage to still have good grades. Also, my family likes to point out that "at your age, I already had a family and a full time job", which does not help either.

Well, that sucks but I try to remember that I have social anxiety and anxiety in general so when I don't have things that I want that's because these issues sometimes get in the way and I try to do my best to handle them. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not.

Sooo I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. *hug*

[Jayce]

I sometimes feel like I'm lagging a bit behind too. So many of my friends are working heaps and travel overseas a lot, and here I am just trying to put myself in a good position I like in life. They tell me of their travel adventures all the time. It feels like they got all their other issues sorted out, while I'm still working hard on basic things like spending more time with friends to establish better friendships. None of my friends ever say, I'm working hard to feel better about taking risks, or I'm working hard to see how I can get more people to want to date me. Whether they are secretly working on those things and are not open about it, I don't know. But it sure can feel like I'm kind of lagging behind over things that most  people don't normally have to be fussy about.

I also feel like I got a lot more weaknesses in general that I have to work on that my friends don't have to.

But it dosen't matter in the end, they do what they think is important to them, and I'll do what I think will be best for me.

[Gman]

Oh, Gman, I feel you on this subject ! In my mid-twenties too and no relationship, no job... And I have met a lot of people my age or even younger who have both and do other activities as well and manage to still have good grades. Also, my family likes to point out that "at your age, I already had a family and a full time job", which does not help either.

Well, that sucks but I try to remember that I have social anxiety and anxiety in general so when I don't have things that I want that's because these issues sometimes get in the way and I try to do my best to handle them. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not.

Sooo I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. *hug*

Thanks StrangePanda. I posted my rant because I began feeling like such a weirdo that doesn't really manage to "fit" anywhere, so to speak. The interent is always a place where you can be sure that there are other people in situations similar to yours. This helps to mitigate the pain, fears and worries that I have, thus allowing me to focus more on how to solve my problems rather than bask in the pain of it all. 

*sends hugs too* 

[gaboz]

There is no shame being at home. I'm almost 30 and still live at home(family reasons). I never felt the pressure to leave the nest. If you dont have a some security in your life, let your parents help you.

I finally have a steady job and goals in life so I can finally start looking for a place of my own. These are uncertain times and you cant gamble if you dont have a backup plan.

Some people bloom a bit later then others.

[nolorn]

Yeah in the same boat- 24, kinda got a temp job, about to get a BS degree(fucking finally), but still live with parents and eternally single and haven't yet get an internship


honestly if I don't get a job or maybe find a girl friend after I graduate I'm honestly looking at joining the military

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