putting physical space between you and another person.

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putting physical space between you and another person.

Post by inertia on Wed Mar 25, 2015 12:38 am

I haven't been around much lately, been either super busy or super tired... or both but something happened to me today that I thought might be I thought I would break down a little. It has something to do with putting physical space between you and another person... I guess I should say women putting women putting space between them space and men they are unsure about.

I had to pick up something from the super market and a guy totally just built up to a full out spidey sense alarm. So I thought maybe I would break it down.

I picked up the spices I needed, then proceeded to wander a little see if there was anything I might want. I turned into the frozen Isle. This is where I ran into said guy... He was leaving the frozen isle as I was entering it and then we caught eyes and I nodded and continued down the isle. I was looking in the glass doors to see where the sorbet was and I can see that he has stopped and he is looking in my direction.... (not creepy could have forgotten something) walks back this way and is walking behind me. I stop when I found the sorbet and I am in the freezer, he continues past me and and goes into a different freezer.... but when I pass him he gets out of the freezer and continues to walk behind me. I go over two Isle and make my way up the cereal isle. he is still walking behind me. then I go down to the area near the pharmacy where they have the Epsom salt and I pick up the bag and I head to the check outs (there were 7 open) he continues past me at the cash.... and I thought, okay it must have been something else.... and then he shows up after the person after me with just a chocolate bar. They open a new cash register next to the one I am in the line up for and pull me to be the next to be served and low and behold he is the person behind me. at this point I am completely uncomfortable. and thinking. "do I hurry to my car? or do I stop at the wine store near the exit and see if he lurks there." I opted for the hurry to my car option when i was trying to pay for my stuff with my debit and he was invading my space and standing way to close for comfort and for my pin. Thankfully I am a fast walker and I was at my car by the time he paid for his chocolate bar with the cash he already had out when he was standing too close. When I looked back from the parking lot at the door he was standing at the side walk in front of the door and looking in my was and was staying there long past the point I had to drive past the front door of the supermarket to leave. I was grateful that he wasn't behind me to my car.

Did I think that he was necessarily going to do anything to me? No.
For all I know he could have been a very nice pleasant person who is really shy. and one of those things wouldn't have set off any alarms. turning around in a store aisle, turning down the same aisle as someone else, being behind someone else in a store or a checkout, or even looking at someone. It was everything together that by the end of the scenario I didn't want to know what would have happened if I casually walked out of the store with this guy behind me. He wasn't unattractive. it was just a series of behaviors he probably didn't realize was going to set off discomfort bells.... who knows.... anyone else have something similar to share?

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Re: putting physical space between you and another person.

Post by nearly_takuan on Wed Mar 25, 2015 12:50 am

Multiple times in the past, I've had the sense that I'd seen the same person a whole bunch of times in a row in the same store and wanted to avoid the appearance that I was following them. I'd deliberately move to the opposite end of the store to get whatever I needed on that end before working my way back...and then invariably encounter them again.

Shrug.
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Re: putting physical space between you and another person.

Post by Wondering on Wed Mar 25, 2015 1:10 am

I've had similar things happen when I'm driving at night. My parents live in a dead end neighborhood, and I currently live in one that's not dead end, but it's not on the way to anywhere. I have had people driving behind me up the freeway and to the exit and down the road to the neighborhood entrances, and sometimes even into the neighborhoods. And then I get uncomfortable because it's not a high traffic area, and start planning what I'm going to do if they follow me to my street.

So, not exactly the same situation, but a similar feeling.

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Re: putting physical space between you and another person.

Post by reboot on Wed Mar 25, 2015 1:11 am

A friend was robbed and assaulted in a parking lot by a man in similar circumstances. He stole her ATM card after seeing her pin at self check out. Just because you are paranoid does not mean there is no risk.
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Re: putting physical space between you and another person.

Post by inertia on Wed Mar 25, 2015 11:46 pm

what I didn't say, was in this situation it kinda reminded me of this time when I had a conversation with my older brother long before I started reading about this stuff. when I was in my early twenties on how he hates how girls do these things... it was a very specific situation that I am not clear about is him and a friend and room mate were paired matched with this girl that they didn't know too well and the two of them were doing something that made her really uncomfortable... I dont think he or the other guy knew what exactly it was so I couldn't tell him what happened when he was telling. but that event kinda made me think how much better I would have been able to deal with that conversation if I had the language to disguss these types of things then that I do now. and I might have been a better help in that situation than the "I wasnt there I have no idea what happened."

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