Attracted to someone I can't stand

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Post by Andrew Corvero on Mon Apr 20, 2015 2:53 pm

Just a question, because it never happened to me before.

Have some of you ever been strongly attracted to someone you can't stand? I don't mean simply physically attracted, or at least not superficially. That's of course always possible for everyone.

It's something weird, I guess. There's this co-worker that I can't stand on a personal level (she's petty, arrogant and stuck up) but to whom I'm incredibly attracted physically, intellectually and emotionally (she's very smart and has a particular kind of charm to her). Even worse, she seems to like to tease me and flirt with me, although she's probably doing it just to annoy me and piss me off (and she's succeeding).

What should I do?
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Post by Guest on Mon Apr 20, 2015 3:22 pm

Sounds tsundere, funny and cute in anime, shitty and borderline abusive irl. If you're curious as to what that is, it's a girl who's cold and mean to her boy in public but sweet and loving in private.

I wouldn't recommend pursuing, personally. Or maybe that's her way of showing that she likes you? I know that kind of shit wanes by the time we're 12 or so, maybe sooner. But, hey maybe some folks don't exactly grow out of it.

Again, I don't recommend pursuing. But if you do pursue her, proceed at your own risk and with the utmost caution, bruhdda.

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Post by kath on Mon Apr 20, 2015 3:55 pm

Well, the question is really, do you want to spend more time with her? And it sounds like you're conflicted about that.

If you can find a way to have a casual relationship with her that would be fun for both of you, er, you might have fun.

If you'd be more interested in something more serious, the pettiness and arrogance might be more of a stumbling block.

If you think she's just flirting with you to screw with you, then she may not actually be particularly interested, and it's not particularly nice either, so probably a good idea to steer clear.
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Post by eselle28 on Mon Apr 20, 2015 5:33 pm

Yes, this has happened to me a handful of times over the years. I've generally processed it as being evidence that charm and intellectual compatibility are separate traits from character, and that sometimes people who I disapprove of will have large quantities of both.

I wouldn't recommend pursuing anything with her whatsoever. Arrogant and stuck up can sometimes be tolerable in a more casual partner, but petty can cause a lot of trouble, especially when it's combined with the sort of immaturity that leads people to flirt just to get a rise out of others. That's particularly the case given that you two work together. I'd suggest being extremely businesslike with her and either ignoring her attempts to tease and flirt or responding to the more blatant remarks with a blank stare. I've met people like this, and they tend to get bored if they're not getting a reaction from their target or feel they're at risk for looking foolish.
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Post by Conreezy on Mon Apr 20, 2015 6:45 pm


I wouldn't recommend pursuing anything with her whatsoever.

Yeah, I would just steer clear. If you're noticing such nasty red flags, just let the whole idea go. Your attraction will fade.

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