Passivity [adv]

[litterature]

I like someone who is currently out of town, and has been for a few months. We have kept in touch through IM, but I think she's very busy because sometimes she replies and sometimes she doesn't reply at all (...despite being online). I know she does the same thing to other common acquaintances/friends, including one she was much closer to, so I don't mind: I just wait a week or so and send her something else, to which she usually replies, and we've had a couple of pretty cool conversations actually.

Or rather, that's what I used to do, as it's been quite a while (over 6 weeks) since we last talked. She didn't reply to my last couple of messages, and since I thought she was coming back this month, I stopped thinking about stuff she might like, and now I'm kicking myself because I know I should probably be talking to her. However, after 6 weeks I'm feeling a bit of pressure: I believe she doesn't really care that much about everyday stuff and "how's it going?" type questions, and I know we have some shared (nerdy) interests, but I don't really know what to send her. Whatever it is, I guess it should be worth it, though! Maybe I should just say something about comics, or maybe I should draw her a little cheering picture, the thing is I already sent her one in April (which she liked), and last month I wished her good luck on what she was doing (which she ignored), so I guess it'd be a bit creepy or at least clumsy and annoying if I pop up in full ganbare! mode every single month.

A few months ago she helped me a little bit with a personal project and even agreed to take a look at a key part of it, although that's the last I heard from her. (I'm not really expecting an answer - I just mention it because I think she doesn't hate me, and to put in context my fear that sending her more of my stuff might be too self-centered, and ALSO the fear that I might have lost this connection, however tenuous, that I was trying to build.)

Now, maybe I don't really have to do anything because if I'm not mistaken she'll be back soon (maybe tomorrow, most probably in a week or two, a month tops), but I don't know. I'd like to get to know her better and I think she's a bit reserved (as I am!), so I feel like I should be doing something, but I don't really know what because I have actually seen how she doesn't really have any time for boring stuff. I'm also a bit afraid I might not see her again, but I do trust her, so... at least I've thought about what to do if I see her again, but I wonder if it'd be too much: I intend to give her a little welcome back gift (a book we talked about once and a cheap notebook so her awesome ideas don't go to waste) and ask if she'd like to hang out sometime. I'm not sure dating her is an actual possibility because I'm not really sure she's single, but at least I'd like her to know how I feel so she can decide whether we can be friends or not. I'm a bit afraid, though, because she kind of means something to me since meeting her made me realise A TON of stuff and prompted me to radically change the course of what I was doing, returning to my original goals I'd given up on when I was around 20 (and so far I'm managing to keep on track, which I find unbelievable!), but obviously I haven't really brought anything meaningful to her. Not that I should be bringing her anything at all of course, but I wanted to keep my feelings decent enough and I'm worried there might be some potentially embarrassing/unbalanced aspects about this whole thing.

On a side note, I've finally understood DNL's advice about dating other people. I should definitely have been dating other people all this time. I have been having sex with someone else, but that someone else is my ex - she's much more respectful of my boundaries now and seems to be doing pretty well in general, which is great because I was really worried about her, but I'd still say it wasn't the cleverest move...

[reboot]

If so offered to look at a project, maybe ask her opinion on some ideas for a future project? Or ask her opinion about something new in your common interest?