Nice or Jerk wins? It depends

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Nice or Jerk wins? It depends

Post by reboot on Sun Jul 19, 2015 1:38 am

I am catching up on reading post surgery and read this article. Apparently the answer to the age old question of whether being an asshole is beneficial is it depends on context, likelihood you will meet the target of your assholdom in the future, and if your behavior benefits the group.

As always with social science research, most studies cited involve students, so salt appropriately
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Re: Nice or Jerk wins? It depends

Post by kath on Sun Jul 19, 2015 2:46 am

Gotta start making sure I power pose more Wink

And share my ill-gotten gains with my buds. Forever. Nicely (to them).

Also this makes all the sense:

Article wrote:He believes that the most effective people are “disagreeable givers”—that is, people willing to use thorny behavior to further the well-being and success of others.

[...]

Smile at the customer. Take the initiative. Tweak a few rules. Steal cookies for your colleagues. Don’t puncture the impression that you know what you’re doing. Let the other person fill the silence. Get comfortable with discomfort. Don’t privilege your own feelings. Ask who you’re really protecting. Be tough and humane. Challenge ideas, not the people who hold them. Don’t be a slave to type. And above all, don’t affix nasty, scatological labels to people.

I feel like that wrapped up in a really ... unsurprising place.

OH BUT ALSO ....

I think there are ways to practice being disagreeable that generally agreeable people (I consider myself to be generally agreeable) can come around to. Being polite and humane makes telling someone their point of view isn't the be all and end all of reality feel a lot less like stamping on their feelings (er, because it will not be that). And the "specific, kind and actionable" framework for providing feedback makes it a lot easier to raise concerns, even if you prefer not to damage group dynamics.
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