Minor issue, but I still might need advice

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Minor issue, but I still might need advice

Post by Andrew Corvero on Mon Oct 19, 2015 1:40 pm

I realize that this probably isn't a big issue, and I think I got it sorted out already and I'm probably worrying too much, but I still think that some advice might be useful.

I've been dating a really wonderful woman in the last few weeks. We're having a lot of fun and things go very well for now. There's one little thing that isn't really a major issue: she hates sci-fi/fantasy movies and sci-fi/fantasy in general while I'm a sci-fi/fantasy nut. As I wrote, this is a really minor issue, since we've been able to bond on many other things, but she's been teasing me a little about my love for sci-fi which she thinks is "immature" and "childish".

This isn't a problem, but I've been wondering whether it might be appropriate to ask (at the right time) if she can give some science fiction/fantasy material a try. She's really into psychological dramas and auteur cinema so I might ask her if she's ever seen movies like Tarkovsky's Solaris or 2001 A Space Odyssey.

I don't want to change her tastes but I think that she's a bit biased against sci-fi and she's also open minded enough to try some more "adult" sci-fi material if I recommend it to her.

What do you think?

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Re: Minor issue, but I still might need advice

Post by reboot on Mon Oct 19, 2015 1:58 pm

I think that is a good idea. People tend to have narrow views of sci-fi and fantasy and can see them as anti-intellectual pursuits. I also suggest Handmaid's Tale and Never Let Me Go. They are classed as "literature" not sci-fi, but c'mon dystopian futures and human cloning? All over sci-fi.

I would also ask her to stop mocking your interests. That is douchey behavior on her part. What you do in your own time is your business and I am sure she has some equally mockable interests.
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Re: Minor issue, but I still might need advice

Post by Andrew Corvero on Mon Oct 19, 2015 2:19 pm

reboot wrote:I think that is a good idea. People tend to have narrow views of sci-fi and fantasy and can see them as anti-intellectual pursuits. I also suggest Handmaid's Tale and Never Let Me Go. They are classed as "literature" not sci-fi, but c'mon dystopian futures and human cloning? All over sci-fi.

Great suggestions! I'm a sci-fi enthusiast and even I tend to think about The Handmaid's Tale as more of "dystopian literature" (like 1984) than sci-fi. But yes, when you think about it dystopias are definitely a part of sci-fi, and The Handmaid's Tale uses more sci-fi tropes that you'd think. (Mad Max: Fury Road could be described as the action version of the same kind of dystopia!) There's still some snobbery about sci-fi that trickles down .

I would also ask her to stop mocking your interests. That is douchey behavior on her part. What you do in your own time is your business and I am sure she has some equally mockable interests.

I don't think that she mocks me maliciously, it's more of a playful tease. I still think she's really biased, though, and that she might learn to appreciate the genre.

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Re: Minor issue, but I still might need advice

Post by reboot on Mon Oct 19, 2015 2:41 pm

Fair enough, you know her better than me Smile

Another suggestion is Doris Lessing Canopus in Argos series. Since she got the Nobel prize in literature so one cannot argue that she is not a "serious" author and still wrote sci-fi
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Re: Minor issue, but I still might need advice

Post by Wondering on Mon Oct 19, 2015 4:03 pm

I'd count magical realism as fantasy, too, so things like Rushdie's Satanic Verses or Midnight's Children might be other suggestions for her.

Frankenstein is sci-fi and largely psychological. The first science fiction and by a woman. And considered Literature with a capital L. Has she read that? Might be a place to start a conversation about these other books if she has.

And yeah, dystopian lit is totally sci-fi.

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Re: Minor issue, but I still might need advice

Post by reboot on Mon Oct 19, 2015 4:28 pm

Wondering wrote:....

And yeah, dystopian lit is totally sci-fi.

Most def. Speaking of which, Brave New World can go on the list. You cannot get more sci-fi than that
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Re: Minor issue, but I still might need advice

Post by eselle28 on Mon Oct 19, 2015 4:30 pm

You've already got good recommendations, so my advice here is more tilted toward method than materials. I've been on both sides of this, and I think offering some variety helps. Put one movie on while you're hanging out, and also lend her a DVD and a book. That way, there's a shared experience watching with you and also a private one where she can end it easily if it really isn't working for her.

I also think this thing tends to work best if it's structured more in terms of a trade than as you being the teacher and her being the student. Even if you're not biased against any genres she might like, I think it will probably be a better relationship interaction if you suggest something to her and then also ask if there's anything you're unfamiliar with that she'd recommend to you. (Still gritting my teeth about my ex making me sit through Scott Pilgrim Versus the World and never being willing to try anything out of his comfort zone, so I have some feelings about this.)
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Re: Minor issue, but I still might need advice

Post by reboot on Mon Oct 19, 2015 4:35 pm

Eselle brings up a good point. Ask her to introduce you to genres she likes but you have never gotten into. Make it a two way introduction so it does not feel like anyone is being "enlightened"
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Re: Minor issue, but I still might need advice

Post by Guest on Mon Oct 19, 2015 4:49 pm

reboot wrote:
Wondering wrote:....

And yeah, dystopian lit is totally sci-fi.

Most def. Speaking of which, Brave New World can go on the list. You cannot get more sci-fi than that

Hnnnnnggg. I love that book sooo much. Not only is it sci-fi but it's also a pretty naughty book! ;D

eselle28 wrote:You've already got good recommendations, so my advice here is more tilted toward method than materials. I've been on both sides of this, and I think offering some variety helps. Put one movie on while you're hanging out, and also lend her a DVD and a book. That way, there's a shared experience watching with you and also a private one where she can end it easily if it really isn't working for her.

I also think this thing tends to work best if it's structured more in terms of a trade than as you being the teacher and her being the student. Even if you're not biased against any genres she might like, I think it will probably be a better relationship interaction if you suggest something to her and then also ask if there's anything you're unfamiliar with that she'd recommend to you. (Still gritting my teeth about my ex making me sit through Scott Pilgrim Versus the World and never being willing to try anything out of his comfort zone, so I have some feelings about this.)

>Scott Pilgrim

I know how much the internet loves Edgar Wright and Scott Pilgrim, but just uuggghhh for that movie. So I feel for you. Also a trade sounds pretty reasonable!

As for sci-fi recommendations... the best I got would be the first Alien film since it's got a nice blend of sci-fi, horror, subtext/symbolism and is rather grounded for a sci-fi movie. No space marines, no space wizards, no super space powers or nothing like that. Plus it's a classic horror movie if she's into that kinda deal.

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Re: Minor issue, but I still might need advice

Post by reboot on Mon Oct 19, 2015 5:36 pm

2001 would be another classic. And it is Kubrick so it has some cache
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Re: Minor issue, but I still might need advice

Post by Andrew Corvero on Mon Oct 19, 2015 9:20 pm

reboot wrote:Eselle brings up a good point. Ask her to introduce you to genres she likes but you have never gotten into. Make it a two way introduction so it does not feel like anyone is being "enlightened"

Sounds fair. I'll tell her to pick a movie she loves but that I've never seen (or a book that she loves but I've never read) and then I'll pick a movie I love but that she's never seen (or, again, a book).

Thanks for the recommendations, everyone!

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Re: Minor issue, but I still might need advice

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