Re: Random Thoughts: The Randoming

[Robjection]

These are a thing apparently:

[eselle28]

Sometimes I think when nerdy guys say "women have it way easier at dating, it's not fair", what they're really saying is "a woman with my personality type and life circumstances would have a much easier time dating than me, it's not fair". The latter may or may not still be false, but perhaps more sympathetic, in my view.

I think it depends on the specific personalities and circumstances. If we're talking about men who have active social lives and who struggle with approach anxiety, then yes, I suspect those men would have an easier time dating if they were women. In a lot of other cases, I don't even really think your version of the claim would be true. I know a good number of women who struggle with dating, including some who haven't ever dated or who haven't dated in years. Some of the traits they share are pretty common to some of the ones I see in nerdy guys who struggle: they don't have any friends or only have friends of their own gender, they spend most of their free time at home, they struggle with problems like depression or anxiety that make both life and finding dates more burdensome, they'd be far too nervous to go to bars looking for partners by themselves, their online dating profiles attract minimal interest and none of that comes from reasonably attractive men within a few years of their own ages. The version of the statement I'd be most likely to accept as a universal truth is "the sort of woman who I see as being right for me has a much easier time dating than me, it's not fair."

[Guest]

Mapwater:  Laws, by definition, need to include a punishment for people who break them.  What punishment would you impose on someone whose partner later said "I said yes, but in retrospect I wasn't sufficiently enthused"?

All I'll say here is that I said I don't disagree with them. I should have clarified in concept the idea is... okay. If in need of serious work to make less vague.

As such I don't exactly agree with them as they are either. Your question is pretty much why.

[username_6916]

These are a thing apparently:

What's that? How is that not a normal glove?

---

The fact that these men focus only on landing a date/relationship/partner instead of finding a fulfillingone speaks to the universal human habit of overstating other people's benefits while overlooking the drawbacks.

Or it could be that finding a 'fulfilling' relationship is genuinely beyond the realm of possibility for these folks. When you're starving, anything looks edible.

[Guest]

Right, that's not very reassuring. At all.

[nearly_takuan]

Right, that's not very reassuring. At all.

Yeah, I can barely even save myself, let alone me.

[LadyIkaros]

Sometimes I think when nerdy guys say "women have it way easier at dating, it's not fair", what they're really saying is "a woman with my personality type and life circumstances would have a much easier time dating than me, it's not fair". The latter may or may not still be false, but perhaps more sympathetic, in my view.

I don't know about more or less sympathetic - I guess I don't really see how much difference it makes? - but as as an introverted, somewhat nerdy woman with an introverted, somewhat nerdy lifestyle, I'm pretty sure it's false.

[nearly_takuan]

Sometimes I think when nerdy guys say "women have it way easier at dating, it's not fair", what they're really saying is "a woman with my personality type and life circumstances would have a much easier time dating than me, it's not fair". The latter may or may not still be false, but perhaps more sympathetic, in my view.

I don't know about more or less sympathetic - I guess I don't really see how much difference it makes? - but as as an introverted, somewhat nerdy woman with an introverted, somewhat nerdy lifestyle, I'm pretty sure it's false.

I think one's answer depends at least partly on whether the unsuccessful dates/relationships "count". To me, they represent at minimum an opportunity to learn things, and to at least some extent an opportunity to get lucky (not as a euphemism, I mean like actually just coincidentally finding the right person one of the right people entirely without intending to). Thus I don't agree with your assertion. But I also figure you're using different axioms and measures from me, which is also fine. As nonA pointed out, I'm biased to over-value advantages others have, and under-value mine.

[LadyIkaros]

I think one's answer depends at least partly on whether the unsuccessful dates/relationships "count".

Thus I don't agree with your assertion. But I also figure you're using different axioms and measures from me, which is also fine.

Umm, not really, I don't think. I've had no dates/relationships/casual interest from anyone for several years. Altogether, if we go further back, I may have had more than you (based on what I seem to remember having read on these boards), but then, I am also a good deal older than you.

[nearly_takuan]

I think one's answer depends at least partly on whether the unsuccessful dates/relationships "count".

Thus I don't agree with your assertion. But I also figure you're using different axioms and measures from me, which is also fine.

Umm, not really, I don't think. I've had no dates/relationships/casual interest from anyone for several years. Altogether, if we go further back, I may have had more than you (based on what I seem to remember having read on these boards), but then, I am also a good deal older than you.

From what I remember, you're in your thirties, and while you haven't "fallen in love" you've had more than zero dates and more than zero relationships that justify using the word. So...yes. And who knows, maybe things will suddenly go very differently at some point in the next ten years than they have in the previous ten. But I kind of doubt it, especially from reading guys in their forties describe their life the same way I do.

If I'd been born a woman who prefers men, and nothing else about me really changed, I'd face very different problems than I currently do, in many areas of my life. A lot of the time, I strongly suspect I'd prefer those over these. Obviously, though, we can't actually know.

[reboot]

NT, why do you think life as an ace woman would be easier? Do you not think it is possible that you are ignoring or unaware of the challenges ace women might face?

MOD: I am going to let this conversation slide a little longer, but everyone should review the guidelines and be aware that "who has it easier" discussions are prohibited.

If we can stick to examining what it is about ourselves that makes us ignore or overlook the difficulties of others, this line of thought can continue.

If it continues on the line of saying why we have it worse than others, this conversation will end and violators will be given a two day temp ban.

Is this clear?

/MOD

[LadyIkaros]

Sorry, I didn't mean to derail or imply that I have it worse than others - I think the issues are, to a large degree, the same for either gender, and that a lot of things come down to other variables, such as asexuality or maybe the fact the we live in different places and different cultures, which no doubt affects how we see gender playing into the whole thing.

But I will stop this discussion now.

[nearly_takuan]

There is no way to thoroughly address your question* without violating your rule, but I do want to point out that there's more to me than being asexual, and that I am not without friends of either sex.

Which does in a way bring up the point you do want to address, and I think what Wisp was trying to get at with his initial comment: we like to cherry-pick isolated factors from a very complex set. So when I compare myself to a hypothetical female version of me (which I think Wisp is arguing is what men are doing when they make claims about advantages women are supposed to enjoy), I implicitly take all other advantages/disadvantages (friend network, social competence, education and professional skill set, upbringing, physical attractiveness relative to median, sexuality, personality, taste) for granted, because the hypothetical female version of me has those traits—otherwise she wouldn't really be me. Yet Female Me does not exist. She cannot exist. The comparison, then, is utterly pointless. We can't know.

*If it wasn't rhetorical, it's possible to answer the question for yourself—but it's no small amount of work. You'd need to read through several threads on the AVEN forums while keeping in mind census data and the particular identities of certain users, some of which has to be deduced or inferred.

[nearly_takuan]

Go to social gathering. Return home drained. Sleep. Consume leftovers. Cook with frozen and canned things. Never leave house. Feel sad. Leave house. Feel better. Return home drained. Feel sad.

[eselle28]

I don't understand people who don't think animals dream (not just in a "we can't prove it" way, but a "they don't" way), at least as far as it extends to the more intelligent mammals. My cat is snorting and throwing herself around on the foot of my bed to the point I'm concerned she'll fall off. Pretty sure she's having some brain activity during sleep.

[Guest]

I'd be interested in the new Sony Walkman if it wasn't $1200 USD.

Which would be something along the lines of $1500 AUD given exchange rates and the mystical 'Australia Tax'.

Shame.

[Robjection]

After watching this, I have come to the conclusion that machine shall never truly replace mankind:

[nearly_takuan]

After watching this, I have come to the conclusion that machine shall never truly replace mankind:

No mere machine could conceive of even wanting to do something so inane.

[Conreezy]

R&B music needs to rediscover the guitar solo.

[reboot]

Dear ovary,

We are going to get another ultrasound tomorrow. Ideally you will have decided that this whole growth thing was merely a joke that was in poor taste. Alternately, you could have shrunk the fucker. At minimum, it can be the same size. However, if you have made it bigger, I swear I am going to cut you out with or without medical assistance. You, my friend, are an optional body part.

Consider yourself warned,

Sincerely,

Reboot

[Conreezy]

I really hope that goes well for you, reboot.

[reboot]

I really hope that goes well for you, reboot.

Thanks, Conreezy. I just really do not have the time, money or patience for unruly body parts right now

[BasedBuzzed]

They are wahabists/salafists. Please, media, use that term in the headlines. Do not let them hide in the masses.

[reboot]

Wow, just found out a journalist friend was at Charlie Hebdo during the bombing. She is fine but I feel crap because it did not even occur to me that she would be anywhere near there since she lives in another part of town, so I never even sent a "You OK?" text

[Werel]

Well, now I can tell you what 38 pounds of sea glass falling off a table sounds like. (Loud.)

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