chickens coming home to roost

[Glides]

hello, it's everyone's least favorite person on the forum.

so i had an odd conversation with the person who is probably my best friend today that really hit home that i have definitely changed a lot.

so anyway, for those of you with photographic memories, i went on my first date around five years old when i was about 20. i would lose my virginity to another person (and lie and pretend that i was experienced, that was wrong) about a year later.

after that little debacle, i had developed a crush on another friend, and we spent a lot of time together during those days and hung out. we actually got pretty close after a while (even as i was too chicken to ever say anything), but another friend i had at the time at one point had drunkenly taken me aside, shoved me against a wall, and told me outright that she wasn't interested and found me creepy.

so i never bothered. she never dated either of us, and as it turns out had been sexually harassed by this person later on, but that's mostly unrelated. so during today's conversation with said close friend (the only one from this group i still talk to), he lets out the bombshell that this person was apparently into me the whole time, but lost interest after i never said anything, despite knowing the other person was outright bullying me about that.

there's no big whatever moment, my friend is known to exaggerate to try and make me feel better, and it's not like my response now is to hit up someone i haven't talked to in five years to see if anything could happen. i wish i had at least said something then, and i wish i was brave enough to do the same now. but i won't. i won't ever say it. but i wish i was brave enough to say it. in 2023, ten years after i started posting here, i'll come back and say the exact same shit as before.

c'est la vie.