right back where i started

[Glides]

anyway the two year contract is almost over. as of august, i will be fully unemployed again.

don't know what to do now. i am always ten to fifteen years behind everyone else. i don't know what to do and i'm going to get lost inside the cracks and no one will ever find me again. i just want to be a human being. that's all i've ever wanted. is that too much to ask for?

[Enail]

Then congratulations, you've already got everything you've ever wanted. You don't have to have a job to be a human, to be 'caught up' to anyone else, to be happy or comfortable or okay in any way, shape or form. You never got a choice about being a human, you'll always be one no matter what. Not sure it's always the nicest thing to be, but we're all stuck with it. When you talk about wanting to be a human being, what do you actually mean?

Being unemployed is awful and stressful, and I'm sorry you're facing that down right now, but lots of people are unemployed at any age, lots of people are not where they feel like they should be. It sucks that that's how things are for so many people right now, but you're not alone or different from everyone else for it. Deal with the practicals of it however you can, and look after the emotional aspect, because it can be a massive blow in a world where we're expected to define ourselves by our jobs and our money, but try not to let it feel like such an existential judgment; late-stage capitalism is just like this.

[Datelessman]

Facing looming unemployment is rough. In 2017-2018 I switched jobs trying to get a city job and about 6-8 months in I realized that the city routinely cycles through "temp workers" and that my chances of becoming "permanent" were nil. I wound up getting sacked about 2.5 weeks beforehand and the time leading up to it, with the mixture of dread and false hope, was grueling. I can understand how that taints one's thinking and can lead to depression and dark thoughts. I remember the day I was officially sacked and I spent hours laying on a park bench basically thinking my world had ended (again).

I go into this to try to tell you that these thoughts are real but they may be induced by the threat of "financial oblivion" from losing a job, which is a totally real thing that carries appropriate emotions.

Trying to be human is all we try to do. It isn't easy and it is a process, with the goalposts always changing. Every society, or generation, has had a different idea of what that means. A few thousand years ago, being human meant wearing skins in a cave and trying to stab a mammoth with a pointed rock tied to a stick. Things have changed a bit since then (thankfully).

In the meantime I would suggest researching another job and sending out applications. August will be around before you know it and some people suggest it is easier to land a job while you currently have one, if only so you have some cash and new employers see that you're "good enough to hire," since someone else did. Not knowing what the future holds is scary, but in the meantime the best you can do is something practical. Shooting out resumes and even working in some interviews is one such thing.

You've worked hard and overcome much, and it wasn't all for nothing. As tough as it is, you should tell yourself that sometimes.

[Enail]

A few thousand years ago, being human meant wearing skins in a cave and trying to stab a mammoth with a pointed rock tied to a stick. Things have changed a bit since then (thankfully).

Quite a few thousand. 27 thousand for textile clothing, ~ 11for  copper, ~12 for widespread availability of mammoths. (and sorry for spilling pedantics all over a thoughtful comment)

[Datelessman]

Quite a few thousand. 27 thousand for textile clothing, ~ 11for  copper, ~12 for widespread availability of mammoths. (and sorry for spilling pedantics all over a thoughtful comment)

You're typing to a guy who writes 20,000+ word essays about obscure 1980s anime OAV's or dissects Captain Planet's entire series. Pedantic away.

[Glides]

Then congratulations, you've already got everything you've ever wanted. You don't have to have a job to be a human, to be 'caught up' to anyone else, to be happy or comfortable or okay in any way, shape or form. You never got a choice about being a human, you'll always be one no matter what. Not sure it's always the nicest thing to be, but we're all stuck with it. When you talk about wanting to be a human being, what do you actually mean?

Being unemployed is awful and stressful, and I'm sorry you're facing that down right now, but lots of people are unemployed at any age, lots of people are not where they feel like they should be. It sucks that that's how things are for so many people right now, but you're not alone or different from everyone else for it. Deal with the practicals of it however you can, and look after the emotional aspect, because it can be a massive blow in a world where we're expected to define ourselves by our jobs and our money, but try not to let it feel like such an existential judgment; late-stage capitalism is just like this.

Facing looming unemployment is rough. In 2017-2018 I switched jobs trying to get a city job and about 6-8 months in I realized that the city routinely cycles through "temp workers" and that my chances of becoming "permanent" were nil. I wound up getting sacked about 2.5 weeks beforehand and the time leading up to it, with the mixture of dread and false hope, was grueling. I can understand how that taints one's thinking and can lead to depression and dark thoughts. I remember the day I was officially sacked and I spent hours laying on a park bench basically thinking my world had ended (again).

I go into this to try to tell you that these thoughts are real but they may be induced by the threat of "financial oblivion" from losing a job, which is a totally real thing that carries appropriate emotions.

Trying to be human is all we try to do. It isn't easy and it is a process, with the goalposts always changing. Every society, or generation, has had a different idea of what that means. A few thousand years ago, being human meant wearing skins in a cave and trying to stab a mammoth with a pointed rock tied to a stick. Things have changed a bit since then (thankfully).

In the meantime I would suggest researching another job and sending out applications. August will be around before you know it and some people suggest it is easier to land a job while you currently have one, if only so you have some cash and new employers see that you're "good enough to hire," since someone else did. Not knowing what the future holds is scary, but in the meantime the best you can do is something practical. Shooting out resumes and even working in some interviews is one such thing.

You've worked hard and overcome much, and it wasn't all for nothing. As tough as it is, you should tell yourself that sometimes.

I mean I have been applying since January knowing it's coming up. I've had more interviews in the past six months than I've had in my entire life combined. I'm getting more responses than I've ever gotten. Still nothing.

Even with all this preparation, even with having a now-ex help me (one who, mind you, got offered an interview for EVERY JOB they applied for, I'm not kidding), I'm still right where I started and needing better health insurance for my medication fast. Feels like I'm staring down the barrel on that one.

So I've sent out a fuckton, I've interviewed a fuckton, and there's always a better candidate who's not me. What's being a human being? I don't even know. Not feeling like this anymore. Feeling like I am reacting to the world like other human beings do. Not feeling totally separate from them. Not craving love from them when I can't even convince myself I'm one of them. My brain and my mind are so utterly lost right now.

[Enail]

Sorry you're having a rough time at it, and that you rely on it for insurance, I really hope you find something soon. But the way you're feeling sounds very much like human way to feel, try not to treat it as something wrong with you when you're dealing with something difficult and it's natural to feel bad about it.

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