Re: Casual Sex and Online Dating

[Guest]

ETA: It also makes me curious about the women who do mark casual sex and explicitly talk about sex in their profile. Are they just on for the anonymous, low risk attention? In other words, are they not actually interested in meeting in person at all? I did see one woman who seemed to clearly fit this, as she said to only message her if you would describe what you would do to her in detail.

Hi, doing exactly this (albeit I don't talk about sex in my profile, but my question answers pretty clearly show that I'm interested in it, as I have the "would sleep with after 1-2 dates" answer marked, among others). [ETA: To clarify, I do have "casual sex" marked as something I'm looking for, as well as "friends" and "short-term dating," but I don't otherwise mention it in my main profile.]

That said, I don't know how applicable my experience is across the board, because I seem to have pretty amazing luck avoiding creeps. I get the occasional "Wanna fuck?" or "Are you sexually submissive?" with no preamble message, but I haven't gotten truly horrendous messages in a while. I pretty much treat every first date the same; it's never really predictable whether I'll feel chemistry with them or not, and I'm not generally interested in hooking up with someone that I don't like as a person. I've never promised to hook up beforehand, and most of the time no mention is made of sex, nor any innuendo (maybe very light flirting, if we have a good exchange of messages). It's mostly a matter of meeting up, seeing how we vibe, and slowly escalating physical contact. Toward the natural termination point of a date, if all is going well, I'd ask if they want to go back to to my place or theirs (or offering it as an option - "So, do you want to go to another bar, or to my place, or...?"). Sometimes, if it's going really well (usually indicated by makeouts before the end of the date), I'll just make a blunt statement along the lines of, "I'd really like to take you home with me," and let them react to that how they may.

That said, it's almost certainly easier from my end, since I generally wouldn't read as creepy or threatening if I propositioned someone or invited them back. From the male side, Lemminkainen's advice seems pretty spot-on, in my experience. I've also had guys ask me straight-up what I'm looking for, and it didn't seem weird; it's a way to gauge if they're in general open to the idea of casual fun, though of course you'd have to do more investigation to see if they want it with you, specifically, or even that night.

[ggobsessed]

ETA: It also makes me curious about the women who do mark casual sex and explicitly talk about sex in their profile. Are they just on for the anonymous, low risk attention? In other words, are they not actually interested in meeting in person at all? I did see one woman who seemed to clearly fit this, as she said to only message her if you would describe what you would do to her in detail.

Hi, doing exactly this (albeit I don't talk about sex in my profile, but my question answers pretty clearly show that I'm interested in it, as I have the "would sleep with after 1-2 dates" answer marked, among others).

That said, I don't know how applicable my experience is across the board, because I seem to have pretty amazing luck avoiding creeps. I get the occasional "Wanna fuck?" or "Are you sexually submissive?" with no preamble message, but I haven't gotten truly horrendous messages in a while. I pretty much treat every first date the same; it's never really predictable whether I'll feel chemistry with them or not, and I'm not generally interested in hooking up with someone that I don't like as a person. I've never promised to hook up beforehand, and most of the time no mention is made of sex, nor any innuendo (maybe very light flirting, if we have a good exchange of messages). It's mostly a matter of meeting up, seeing how we vibe, and slowly escalating physical contact. Toward the natural termination point of a date, if all is going well, I'd ask if they want to go back to to my place or theirs (or offering it as an option - "So, do you want to go to another bar, or to my place, or...?"). Sometimes, if it's going really well (usually indicated by makeouts before the end of the date), I'll just make a blunt statement along the lines of, "I'd really like to take you home with me," and let them react to that how they may.

That said, it's almost certainly easier from my end, since I generally wouldn't read as creepy or threatening if I propositioned someone or invited them back. From the male side, Lemminkainen's advice seems pretty spot-on, in my experience. I've also had guys ask me straight-up what I'm looking for, and it didn't seem weird; it's a way to gauge if they're in general open to the idea of casual fun, though of course you'd have to do more investigation to see if they want it with you, specifically, or even that night.

I actual had casual sex on my okc profile, but I also had every other option checked off too. And I definitely had guys asking me what I was looking for, which was really great. Sometimes we were looking for different things, and that was it. Why waste each other's time?

My experiece was a bit different from yours in that I had a LOT of awful messages. But I learned to ignore those really quickly. And I am still casually hooking up with one guy I had met through okc. I met up with another guy a few times too, but it ended because everything had to be about him.

The key thing with every guy I met up with was that they started off asking me about me, telling me about themselves. And we talked on the phone before meeting up. I actually straight up met both of those guys at their homes. Which was pretty stupid of me, but it worked out just fine. Clearly, as I am alive. But the reason why they were both repeat experiences is they both asked if I wanted to meet at a bar, and when we got back to their place, they made sure I was comfortable.

I think the key thing is making sure the other person is cool with everything that is happening, and treating each other as people. Not as sexual organs who sadly have a person attached.