[DISC] Ways to Show Appreciation

[UristMcBunny]

So, one thing that I've found very important for maintaining romantic relationships is finding small, simple ways to show appreciation for the person you're with. There's this big cultural thing about gifts - flowers, chocolates etc - but not only is it incredibly one-sided, it's also impractical for most people with a budget to think about.

There are loads of ways to show appreciation and love, and to help the whole emotional bonding thing work smoothly, but sometimes it can be hard to think of solutions if your partner complains about feeling unappreciated. So I thought it might be helpful to have a thread to discuss ways in which we show appreciation for the people in our lives, and ways they've shown appreciation for us.

I'll start.

One of the most valuable things I've found for showing love, is the act of giving time, energy and thought to the other person. This doesn't need to be anything grand or complex - actually, very small, regular gifts of time and energy are better than occasional, large ones. Some examples include:

• Your partner is finishing work late and you know they have had a stressful day. So you sort out a pair of clean, comfy pyjamas and a blanket, and make them a nice drink when they get in, so the can just get changed into their pyjamas and relax.
  
• Running a bath for your partner and making sure clean towels, pyjamas and a dressing gown are ready for them.
  
• Making time to talk to them about something that interests them.
  
• Saving a folder of cute gifs you come across that you know they'll appreciate, to send to them when they're down.
  
• Saving the last of something in the box of snacks for them, because you know they really like it.
  
• Getting the groceries, and picking up a small snack you know the like without them asking.

Another thing that I find is especially helpful if there are libido differences, is affectionate touch. Just lots of little moments of affection and contact. You bring your partner a cup of tea? Lean down and give them a peck on the cheek as you hand it to them. Sitting in chairs next to each other to watch stuff? Hold hands for a few moments. Sliding past each other in the hall? Brief hug! Or butt grab! Stopping to watch them do something? Put a hand on their hip, or arms around their waist, or brush their hair lightly for a second! Mmmm... touch. Of course, that one can be unpleasant for people who have sensory issues or other personal ish related to contact, so it's best if you talk about it first to see if they'll actually like it.

[eselle28]

I've been working lately on being more verbally appreciative of people, since that seems to be a somewhat weak point for me. Little comments about appearance and clothing are nice, but I've gotten some good responses from randomly making a comment praising someone's intelligence, or creativity, or ability to be a good listener, and from expressing how much I appreciate all those little service acts from people who express their affection for me that way.

[kleenestar]

I keep a private blog that lists one wonderful thing my husband does every day. It reminds me to be grateful for how wonderful he is, and he can go look at it anytime he needs a mood boost. I know he reads it daily, but he also goes back to the archives when I'm traveling so that he can get a little extra love when he's lonely.

[Wondering]

I do many of those light touching things with my husband. Random hugs or kisses. Example: We're both moving around the kitchen, we swing past each other, I lean in for a kiss. I also rub the back of his neck briefly fairly often when he's sitting in a chair and I pass by. I like to give him hugs from behind, although he gets affectionately exasperated when I do this as he's doing dishes or moving laundry from the washer to the dryer.

I also am really big on the verbal appreciation. If I ask him if he'll do something small for me — reach something, get something from another room, make me a snack — I always say "thank you" and almost always say "I appreciate it." I tell him I love him every day. And I frequently tell him he's the best husband (objectively true fact! ) and how he is, namely all the big and little things he's done or been recently that make him awesome and that I appreciate.

And sometimes, because he loves baked sweets and I'm diabetic and generally can't have them so we don't keep any in the house, I bake him something sweet that's just for him. A pie, a cake, cookies, muffins. This usually happens 3 or 4 times a year. He also has some particular dinners he likes that are more than the usual amount of effort that I'll make him if he's having a rough time at work.

[UristMcBunny]

I also am really big on the verbal appreciation. If I ask him if he'll do something small for me — reach something, get something from another room, make me a snack — I always say "thank you" and almost always say "I appreciate it." I tell him I love him every day. And I frequently tell him he's the best husband (objectively true fact! ) and how he is, namely all the big and little things he's done or been recently that make him awesome and that I appreciate.

Oh yeah! This, especially, is so important. It helps remind each other that we're not taking them for granted. Genuine gratitude and appreciation, even just for tiny things, can mean so much.

[Enail]

Also, stopping and really paying attention when you're doing any nice little thing, doing it because that's how you feel about them right at that moment, is so much better than just doing it out of affectionate habit.

[Guest]

I've been working lately on being more verbally appreciative of people, since that seems to be a somewhat weak point for me. Little comments about appearance and clothing are nice, but I've gotten some good responses from randomly making a comment praising someone's intelligence, or creativity, or ability to be a good listener, and from expressing how much I appreciate all those little service acts from people who express their affection for me that way.

I've been trying to do this too. It was partially inspired by some random woman complimenting my hair on the street, with the rest of it stemming from a few people being impressed with my interest in viruses and diseases. It made me realise I don't actually do that for others enough; show that there's something about them I find impressive, cool or just plain refreshing.

It feels a little forced still, but I'm getting there, I guess. My anxiety gets in the way more often than not, but it's not the immovable object it used to be.

[nonA]

There's only one right answer to this question.

Oral sex.

[reboot]

There's only one right answer to this question.

Oral sex.

Glib. And like many glib answers it can be wrong. Not everyone likes oral sex but many accept it because it is "wrong" to say no. I have bumped into this with male friends whose girlfriends/wives followed the advice above and had to either say no to something "everyone" likes.or stay silent (and then ask me what to do).

Inside a relationship you would hope folks figured out likes/dislikes and talked about it, but it is not always the case. For some people, it is hard to explain that, say, you saw "In the Realm of the Senses" at an impressionable age and oral sex freaked you out ever since.

[IHaveToes]

My partner isn't vary good at verbal affection (not a big talker and English as a second language do not mix well), but loves to carry things for me. Especially if I'm upset, he'll just reach over and grab the bag/box/whatever so that I don't have to carry it.

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