Rape Culture [rant]

[Guest]

I dunno if a trigger warning is needed here. I'm not writing any details. No one I know was actually hurt.

But for once I actually need to talk about this and I can't trust the people I know.

I went back home for the holidays (home being my uncle's place), and some hometown boys called me up and asked me to chill. They were not boys I talked to or socialized with often, pure preppie assholes I'd only be around when I had no one else to be around.

I come over and they immediately say "dude, we're gonna watch some fucked up shit."

I shrug and grab my beer and sit down on the dude's bed (big ass house, by the way, dude is LOADED).

Not five minutes later, they load up a video of a woman being beaten and raped (among other disgusting things, all involving humiliation. It was one of those sick pornos people get money for being in, I guess). They were laughing hysterically at this. Talking about how fucking sexy it was to see this and how "this whore learned her fucking place" and "god I've always wanted to do that to a girl."

I didn't leave out of fear I'd be insulted. I just sat quietly and watched them play video after video, girl after girl being victimized, fighting the urge to break down and cry.

I'll admit, I got a bit drunk to compensate, it hasn't helped one jot.

I just feel all around horrible. I wish I could find and torture and kill the kinds of people who get off on this shit. I'm growing to hate being a man as much as I hate being a Jew, simply because we're basically rapists and we're basically responsible for every problem on the planet, and millions of us get off on hurting people. Millions of sadists.

I'm in one of those "humanity is worthless and there is nothing good in the world" moods. I just feel very empty.

[The Wisp]

I will just note that there is nothing inherently wrong about getting off on the idea of rape. As long as you don't violate any real people's consent, it's cool (that's what the BDSM community exists for). Now, there's a fuzzy line as to whether an individual is mindful and ethical about it or not, and it sounds like these guys fall on the wrong side of that line.

ETA: But anyway, it sounds like you shouldn't hang out with these guys again. I'm sorry you had such a shitty experience.

[Enail]

<mod>Glides, it's not okay to describe men as a group as 'basically rapists.' Many rapists are men, some men are rapists, but equating men as a whole with rapists is not a thing you can do here </mod>

That said, ugh, those people sound horrible, and I'm sorry you had to be there for that. It sounds like it was an awful experience for you.

If it helps any, try to remember that as Wisp pointed out, not everyone who gets off on fantasies or porn of rape, humiliation or sadism, or consensual play on those themes, in any way condones actual sexual assault or harm or would ever wish those things on another anyone (and those are pretty common fantasies for people of all genders), so the existence of rape porn doesn't mean that everyone out there watching it is someone who thinks and talks like the guys you were with. It wouldn't even surprise me if some of the other guys there also felt uncomfortable with the way everyone was talking but felt they had to play along. Things are pretty bad in the world in terms of rape culture, yeah, but there are also lots of people out there - and lots of them men - who only want to have sex with partners who are as into it as they are.

[BasedBuzzed]

>not even muting the movies and doing porn karaoke
These bros fail at life. How old are they, cause they sound like they're in the college edgelord phase.

Also, I'd like to point out that I've never touched an e-smoker so I'm not a vapist.

[Guest]

I will just note that there is nothing inherently wrong about getting off on the idea of rape. As long as you don't violate any real people's consent, it's cool (that's what the BDSM community exists for). Now, there's a fuzzy line as to whether an individual is mindful and ethical about it or not, and it sounds like these guys fall on the wrong side of that line.

ETA: But anyway, it sounds like you shouldn't hang out with these guys again. I'm sorry you had such a shitty experience.

Agreed.

The kink community flourishes on people getting off on "weird" things. Plus, that's why they invented safe words so that in case it gets to be too much for a performer the other can ease up on the other. After all, performing scenes and engaging in kink stuff or BDSM is all about fun and safety. But Wisp is right in that there will be people who take advantage of that.

No comment on the rape porn though, that's reserved for other people. Also, easy on the anti-self-semitism, bruh.

Anyway, I'd suggest not hanging out with those guys. I also appreciate not calling all men rapists either.

[PintsizeBro]

If anything, the meme that men are inherently bad just perpetuates rape culture. It suggests that we can't help it, this is just how we're made. We aren't. Most men never feel the inclination to rape someone.

Even sadism is not the problem, it's perfectly possible to indulge such fantasies with consenting partners or expressing them in other ways that don't cause harm to anyone.

The fundamental problem with the rapist is a complete disregard for other people's needs and boundaries. Any guy who understands that others' needs and boundaries are just as valid as his, is not going to rape anyone.

[JP McBride]

No one I know was actually hurt.

Your well being is just as important as anyone else's.

What those guys did to you wasn't right.

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