Re: Return of the Rants

[Hirundo Bos]

That response was more than kind of out of line. Going out of her way to hurt someone she knows is in pain already, someone she has power over, not to mention that you've presumably shown her your vulnerable side in confidence, I'm pretty sure that's outside the job description of any therapist.

As for you, I know and admire you as anything but a piece of whatever, and being financially and mentally overwhelmed by a broken system in a plague year with all the other things going pn around you is not a failure, it's a normal human response.

Digital hugs, with hopes that things will be just a little bit easier ahead.

[Enail]

So, in the first vaccine shipment, Ontario is receiving a little over three times the number of vaccines PEI is; Ontario's population is a little under 100 times that of PEI. I figured it wouldn't be distributed evenly by population, but this seems a little extreme.

[bomaye]

Rich old people in PEI. At least if the wealthy and powerful suddenly start turning into flesh-eating zombies, we'll know that maybe there's something wrong with the vaccine.

[Enail]

Nah, it's not just that, it's disproportionate for all the provinces. Everything is population-skewed b/c if Ontario (or Toronto, for provincial stuff) gets even close to what's actually proportional it looks unfair. I'm on board with that to a certain degree because I think less populated regions do need power over their situations as much as more populous ones do, but it seems like it's getting increasingly extreme in ways I don't think are reasonable, and in the case of vaccines, if they keep going with this distribution pattern with later batches of vaccine, it'll legitimately cost lives because major population centres are where you get the highest number of people getting sick.

[Datelessman]

So after about 11 months of Covid-19 adjournments, the eviction proceeding that my slumlord has filed against myself and my elderly, handicapped, chronically ill mother has been moved up to next week. I don't know if it will be a full trial or yet another "conference" but it could be the latter. Ironically, because the landlord filed it as a "nuisance" holdover eviction it is 100% immune to virtually all state and federal halts on evictions. We would literally have more options, protections, and recourse had we simply stopped paying rent for a year.

We live in a building which literally has 203 HPD violations, and in an apartment which has had black, toxic mold on the walls for at least 8-9 years, yet we're the nuisance. Of course we are; we complain to the city a lot! But it's rent controlled and we've been there since the 80's, so another $15,000 in annual income for the landlord is clearly worth the lives of two people.

It is a cruel irony to survive a pandemic (well, mostly; it isn't over yet) only to wind up homeless and dead on the street. But that's life in America.

The only good thing about this eviction drama -- the landlord has tried to evict us since 2018 and only briefly paused in 2019 due to a technical error -- is that it has whittled away a chunk of my anxiety about being a virgin. Seriously, who the bleep cares in comparison to dying on the street? What can a woman on a date do or say to me that is worse than what the landlord or a housing court judge do? Nothing. Which is a large reason why that as someone who was arguably clogging the main DNL forum with V-Card angst years ago, I haven't posted much here beyond fits and starts.

So if I vanish and anyone wonders what happened to me, well, this'll be why. Thanks for all the kind words over the years, especially Enail, who has the patience of a saint.

[Enail]

Good luck, Datelessman, all my fingers crossed for you!

[inbloomer]

Good luck also!

[Werel]

I hope it went as well as possible, Datelessman! Keep us posted, if you can.

I am tired of folks dying, and I have it better than most people during this pandemic. A mentor and friend died yesterday of a sudden non-COVID pulmonary disease. I will miss him. A teenager in the youth program I started in [unspecified African country] died last week because he couldn't get access to proper healthcare. He was a good kid. And my favorite boss, an older Indigenous lady in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere who's been religiously careful about the pandemic, now has COVID and her immunocompromised husband is in the hospital. At least I am healthy. At least my family is healthy. At least my partners are healthy. But man, can everybody stop falling ill and dying for a minute?

[Enail]

Oh, how awful. So sorry, Werel. Wishing recovery and health to your boss and her husband.

[bomaye]

[Datelessman]

Thanks for the well wishes for me, and my condolences, Werel

The past 12+ months have been a horror show of some kind for most of us, I think.

[Hirundo Bos]

Condolances from me as well, Werel, and good wishes for Datelessman. Sounds like you've both had quite a lot to deal with, from this and other posts this year, and it sound valid to me to acknowledge that it hurts, regardless of how it would compare to other people's pain.

[Hielario]

I swear, as someone who has to put constant effort to merely EXIST socially, online discussions of consent feel insane sometimes. Must be nice, living an existence where they don't have to constantly insist and push and convince and cajole to get what they want, or where a noncomittal vague answer is somehow as clear as a mandate of god like they aren't responsible for others misunderstanding them. Screw sex, I'd like to see these people having to deal with the teachers at my university!

And then my parents say the problem is that I don't insist enough...

[Enail]

I understand that it must be very difficult and frustrating when most people have a really different way of communicating from you, but in the context of sex, insisting and pushing to get what you want is a pretty concerning thing to say.

[Hielario]

I agree that everything has a limit. But still...it's just what a huge portion of existence involving others ends up being: A constant tug-of-war between what you want and what they want, that requires constant maneuvering, compromising and insisting to get your way because those two things almost never align on their own. Sure, sometimes it's not necessary because they're already willing to do what you wanted/needed or they don't mind, but it's not something that can be relied on consistently.

Who doesn't cry doesn't get to suckle, as my mother says.

[Enail]

<mod> Just to be clear, "insisting" on sex with someone who would otherwise not want to have sex with you/at that time/in that context is not something that's okay to suggest as acceptable on this forum, especially not in the Rants thread, which is meant to be for non-controversial venting only. <mod>  

Of course, people always have to find ways to make interests align and maneuver to make things work, for most things social, but that's a fair ways from pushing or insisting or other words that connote making someone do something they're unwilling to do or wearing them down until they agree to it even though it's not what they want. The line between them matters a lot, especially for sex.

[bomaye]

It's going to be 48 Degrees Celsius on Monday.

What the FUCK

[Enail]

Oh nooooo, we've only started having that kind of temperature the last few years (I assume you mean with the humidex, but it's still horrifying), how are you guys going to survive it?! With no air-conditioning, too! (I assume)  Drink lots of water, stay in the basement if possible, popsicles, whine a lot, that's all I've got. Good luck!

[bomaye]

No basement to speak of

Water, whining and getting my feet cold has worked so far

[Enail]

Keep up the good work!

[bomaye]

We used to die when it got near 30 degrees, now we have a decent handle on 40

[Enail]

Impressive! But disturbing. Global warming sucks.

[Werel]

No basement to speak of

Water, whining and getting my feet cold has worked so far

Belated OOF. I have a basement and that's pretty much the only way I survived 46C, hope you didn't literally melt into a flesh pile

[bomaye]

We settled on a board with a cut out space to stick a wall-mounted AC Unit on a table through, and used fans to blow cold air around inside, while eating ice cream, also while lying on the couch covered in a wet blanket.

Was a weird feeling seeing the temp drop to 40 and going "Whew, it's finally cooling down"

[Werel]

Some weeks are just really bad, and I could use some good vibes from old internet friends.

I’m losing my house (tldr; I’ve been renting a house for 3 years; the owner decided to sell it; she offered to sell it to me for a good price, I spent many weeks and thousands of dollars on the mortgage process, and a few days ago my landlord backed out of the sale and literally ghosted me.) I don’t know where we’re gonna live, or how long we legally have to find someplace.

My dog is dying. He had a stroke the day after I found out about the house, and in the ER I learned he has cancer and kidney failure. He’s been with me and my partner for 13 years and moved to 5 different states with us. My little buddy. I’m grateful for what time I have left with him but my heart hurts.

I’m scared I have cancer too. My health has been really weird since I sucked down a whole bunch of tear gas last year. Doctor’s appointment today didn’t provide the more benign explanation I hoped for. So now I’m waiting on biopsies and ultrasounds. It’s probably something else. Other protestors have come down with other things. But I’m scared nonetheless.

I’m just scared and sad and I’ll take any good vibes y’all got.

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