Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

[The Mikey]

But it's working! You have been in two relationships already. Sure, they have been a little brief and it must be irritating as hell, but you have what I would call enough proof that you can be wanted by women, and that your first relationship wasn't a fluke. There will be more. Christ, that's more proof at this point that half of the still-active members (all pun intended) of this forum ever have gotten.

I suppose so. It’s just hard for me to still believe sometimes, especially now when I don’t get any attention irl or in apps. It’s frustrating, honestly. Of course there will be more, but when? I appreciate the words of encouragement though, I do. It’s hard to think either of my relationships weren’t flukes either.

It’s hard to think about that when you spent a good majority of your life being shy but when you tried to break out of that, you get knocked down. I dunno, it’s hard to explain.

What I’m trying to say is I’m generally a shy boy who doesn’t know what to say. My friend (current front runner) I saw yesterday was surprised and shocked my first ex was my first. At 31. I dunno how to explain it.

Re: the sex part, can't say the getting soft part has ever been usual for this one but that happened too once in a while, mostly it got kind of stuck in the middle. I think it's not been normal to get off from something that wasn't the own hand until...five years?. Sometimes it felt more like a tool or a finger. Very irritating, and yet did not make me miserable like having to hump a pillow. And yet, craved it, so would just mount them until one or both couldn't take it any more and then finish by hand on them, in their mouth... still a thousand times better that anything I can do on my own.

Does the fact that you're getting them off reliably and consistently do nothing for your male ego?

Does this mean I just need to fuck more in order to climax?

I’m still convinced I may be ace and I get aroused at the idea of sex and like porn but actually doing the act doesn’t seem as fun for me. It looks very fun. Maybe I had the wrong partners, ones I wasn’t super excited about I dunno.

I dunno, think sex just hasn’t been my thing? Like I’m still sexually attracted to women but actually sleeping with them doesn’t seem like a thing I want to do? It makes zero sense. I do at least appreciate the way they look.

Honestly, it was maybe 50/50... it was exciting I was gonna have sex but then when I actually got to do it, wasn’t as fun. I felt bad i didn’t orgasm with either of them. My male ego kinda comes and goes.

[Hielario]

Does this mean I just need to fuck more in order to climax?

Maybe. Or maybe you can just finish by hand while they're helping (which is better than anything I can do on my own), nothing wrong with needing a little extra oomph to finish. Still counts as fucking in my book. I thought people liked that stuff in pornography when the dude pulls out and unloads by hand over someone? How much time did it take you to figure out masturbation?

Leaving the fact that your dick was numb apart, what about, you know, the rest of physical sensations going on when you're at it? Making out, touching them, rubbing against them...? I mean, even the times when mounting actively hurt (freaking condoms I swear to god...) the rest of my body was going crazy from everything else. Didn't you literally start this thread to complain that everything made you horny back when no woman would touch you?

[The Mikey]

Maybe. Or maybe you can just finish by hand while they're helping (which is better than anything I can do on my own), nothing wrong with needing a little extra oomph to finish. Still counts as fucking in my book. I thought people liked that stuff in pornography when the dude pulls out and unloads by hand over someone? How much time did it take you to figure out masturbation?

Uhmmm…… that’s the thing, I never finished. I tried that but it didn’t work, with either ex. I wasn’t sure if it was because I didn’t find them attractive enough or if I was just overly nervous to finish? I have no idea. All I know is I couldn’t climax. And yes, I’ll fully admit cumshots are hot but yeah, I couldn’t finish myself off, no real idea why. Maybe I was too nervous, maybe I was too focused on having them cum, maybe I wasn’t into them as I had initially thought.

Leaving the fact that your dick was numb apart, what about, you know, the rest of physical sensations going on when you're at it? Making out, touching them, rubbing against them...? I mean, even the times when mounting actively hurt (freaking condoms I swear to god...) the rest of my body was going crazy from everything else. Didn't you literally start this thread to complain that everything made you horny back when no woman would touch you?

It was more than that, I was lonely. The sex was part of it and I wanted to get rid of that sex desire too. The making out and cuddling and the being naked part was great and it did turn me on. I couldn’t find the vagina a few times with my penis, I was worried I would hurt them/be too heavy. Then I had sex and figured it was overrated but I can’t fully commit to that conclusion or the ace label tbh. Women are great, they’re beautiful and I do like looking at them and masturbating to them but the actual sex part…? I didn’t enjoy as much.

[inbloomer]

I've largely come to the conclusion that sexuality is basically hard-wired, e.g. that the people who really adore penetrative sex know that's what they want long before they start having it, and conversely that people who've always been lukewarm about the idea are unlikely to find the reality is suddenly way better than they expected.

I suspect there are a lot of people who are in that place, not exactly ace but either find particular aspects of penetrative sex difficult or just overall find it doesn't do that much for them.

[The Mikey]

I mean, I’ve only had sex with two people a handful of times (like… <5 times). I don’t know why or how but my libido with my last ex dropped like a rock pretty bad too. I still don’t fully understand.

Here’s the thing, i still want to try more penetrative sex despite it not being my favorite. Nor is any other sexual act on my body something I like. I can’t explain it.

[Hielario]

(Editing because the button got accidentally pushed)

Honestly,  I don't know what to think. Most of what you're mentioning are purely mechanical issues that I've experienced in myself or seen in other guys. But the sudden drop in libido is, however, very concerning. I think you should see a doctor about it, just to be sure.

Also, did you start taking any new medication, by any chance? Because some of mine have really played havoc with my ability to orgasm.

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