Re: The fear of "Too Late"

[bomaye]

The anxiety-type stuff is gone, but the rest of it is still gonna be there.

[bomaye]

There's an exercise bike out in the front room that I keep forgetting about, so I'm gonna start using that when watching soccer or something and see if it helps with anything, I can't keep mood-swinging like this

[Werel]

There's an exercise bike out in the front room that I keep forgetting about, so I'm gonna start using that when watching soccer or something and see if it helps with anything, I can't keep mood-swinging like this

Super good idea. A lot of people swear by exercise as mood regulator. Also, you had the right idea with cutting out caffeine.

Hope the ol' headspace looks better soon.

[bomaye]

It's tougher with the caffeine part, the "withdrawal" if you want to go as far to call it that can be a few days to a few weeks of feeling utterly and completely dead emotionally :p

[Werel]

But that means utterly and completely dead emotionally isn't the default state, so there's a... kind of mediocre bright side.

Caffeine withdrawal headaches are the pits though.

[Enail]

The anxiety-type stuff is gone, but the rest of it is still gonna be there.

Well, better without the anxiety-type stuff than with it, right? Hope the exercise helps!

[reboot]

Bomeye, before I can give you advice I need honest answers to a few questions: Where is this sense of urgency coming from? If I remember correctly you were completely indifferent to being self supporting and a bit contemptuous of people who worked on the old forum, so what changed? Are your parents saying you need to get out and move into your own place? Are they asking you to contribute money to household expenses? Are they cutting off whatever they used to pay for? Are they just complaining about you not working more than before?

Your options are dictated by your circumstances and if there is a "pitch in or get out" deadline, so without knowing the above, I cannot give good advice.

[bomaye]

There's no deadline, it's more of a vague "at some point, you're going to have to be able to support yourself in the future" and with age 30 as kind of the "get it together or you'll never have it together" kind of social expectation cut-off, there's a lot of personal urgency about it. They kind of want me to be doing something by September but there's no threat that I'm aware of if I pass the date without anything.

I am indifferent to it, if money wasn't an issue I'd be doing exactly what I'm doing right now indefinitely, but it's not realistic. But I'm also not thrilled, passionate, interested, excited, curious or anything about the outside world, that place rejected me a long time ago and I rejected them in turn, now it's being told "happily go into their world and carve out a life for yourself" and it's kind of like "why not just feed me to a tank of hungry piranhas instead, at least it'll be quick."

[reboot]

OK, that is good. There is no "soon to be homeless" deadline. In the quote below I linked a discussion for how to be a programmer without going to school and how to get freelance gigs.

Reploid stole the words out of my mouth. If you went with coding, a lot of people freelance. It would be hard to make a living when you first start out, but you do not have to be immediately self-supporting, so that might be doable.

A few months ago I posted a thread on behalf of a friend who's son is not academically inclined asking people here for advice about how to get started coding. Here is the link. The advice was really good.

These are links to free, good quality coding training:
http://code.org
https://www.codecademy.com
https://www.khanacademy.org/computing/computer-programming

I think if you start off and learn some coding and bring some $$ with freelance, even small amounts at first, some of the pressure will be off. Over time you will get better and get paid more. Then you can think about moving.

All those links are free training. No debt at all. Nearly Takuan has a lot of good advice. Maybe PM him?

[bomaye]

Finally started trying caffeine withdrawal a few days ago

I'm flipping between a state of death-exhaustion, and crippling sadness.

Also thankful that I paper over unhappiness with something that isn't drugs (I'd be dead) or alcohol (I'd be in a gutter somewhere right now instead)

I'm also afraid of coming out of it because I do paper over a lot of my unhappiness with addictive behaviours, and that's going to end up raw and exposed

[reboot]

Hey, I saw something written about this program:https://www.udacity.com/nanodegree in somewhere reputable (bear with me, my sense of time and place has been a bit messed lately due to lack of sleep and lots of travel). I take it that each credential is $1200-$1800 but you get half the tuition back if you finish in 12 months or less. Might be something to consider for the future if you want to try freelance coding.

And you are tougher than me to try to go caffeine free. Good luck!

[Enail]

Bleargh, that sounds horrible. Take it easy while you're dealing with the withdrawal, and try not to worry about how it'll be when you come out of it. It's good to be prepared for the possibility of feeling really raw, but you can't make it easier by stressing about it in advance.

[bomaye]

Hey, I saw something written about this program:https://www.udacity.com/nanodegree  in somewhere reputable (bear with me, my sense of time and place has been a bit messed lately due to lack of sleep and lots of travel). I take it that each credential is $1200-$1800 but you get half the tuition back if you finish in 12 months or less. Might be something to consider for the future if you want to try freelance coding.

Thanks, kinda. The idea of doing freelance anything seems really foreign with the way I am about things though. I'm so far off of feeling like a independent, real-life human being that the idea of someone hiring me to do something for them just seems ridiculous

Bleargh, that sounds horrible. Take it easy while you're dealing with the withdrawal, and try not to worry about how it'll be when you come out of it. It's good to be prepared for the possibility of feeling really raw, but you can't make it easier by stressing about it in advance.

Stressing about things in advance is my super-power :p


I kinda went down to the local Tim Hortons down the street and had a decaf tea and a cookie inside and just sat there to feel like a social person who isn't afraid to sit in public spaces today

[Enail]

Hey, I saw something written about this program:https://www.udacity.com/nanodegree in somewhere reputable (bear with me, my sense of time and place has been a bit messed lately due to lack of sleep and lots of travel). I take it that each credential is $1200-$1800 but you get half the tuition back if you finish in 12 months or less. Might be something to consider for the future if you want to try freelance coding.

Thanks, kinda. The idea of doing freelance anything seems really foreign with the way I am about things though. I'm so far off of feeling like a independent, real-life human being that the idea of someone hiring me to do something for them just seems ridiculous

First you learn the thing, and then once you've learned it, you have something that people might want to hire you to do! You don't have to feel like an all-out professional to be able to do some freelance, either.

I kinda went down to the local Tim Hortons down the street and had a decaf tea and a cookie inside and just sat there to feel like a social person who isn't afraid to sit in public spaces today

Hey, that's great, good job!

[Werel]

I was gonna suggest just going and sitting somewhere in public to pass the time while waiting for withdrawal/bad times to pass, because just being out of the house and surrounded by breathing bodies is a big help to me, but you're apparently smart enough to have come up with that on your own.

The freelancing thing could be thought of this way: even if you're not super duper good at something, odds are you're better at it than someone who needs that thing done. I'm not a good web developer, but I'm better at it than most people who need websites made. I'm not a great editor of English writing, but I'm better at it than people whose native language isn't English. And when you're better at X than somebody who needs X done, $$$! I've been paid to do web development and editing, even though I am not at all a professional in either thing. All you gotta do is be competent enough to meet the needs of somebody who's got zero skill in that thing, and they'll probably pay you to do the thing.

[bomaye]

Don't you need to know someone in-person to be able to have opportunities like that? :/

[Werel]

Nah, not necessarily. You see ads on craigslist etc. sometimes, especially for stuff like English tutoring or "I just need a website for my dogwalking business, I got $80" (I'm seeing a few of those in my city, and I live in a state with a piss-poor economy). And there's always stuff like Mechanical Turk for tiny dollops of money for tiny tasks.

My personal favorite side-income-plus-bonuses gig was being a market research shill. You basically take surveys on your product preferences, and occasionally companies will mail you new products they're pilot-testing, so you'll get a box full of dry ice and some new Jello flavor and get paid $10 to take a 30 minute survey on your opinions about the new Jello flavor. I did it through a company called Pinecone, but there are a few that do this kind of thing. (Protip: if you don't quite fit the demographic profile they're looking for at the moment, don't be afraid to tweak your stats, e.g. add or subtract a couple years from your age, or lie about what you do for a living. They can't tell. Unless you got moral qualms about deceiving market research firms. )

[nearly_takuan]

Oh, reboot, I haven't been following this thread really so I only just saw this, but I am really flattered by your recommendation.

Freelance does sound like a good option for you since it's almost by definition not a long-term commitment, either for you or for your client. You do the job, you get paid for the job, and then you can leave and maintaining stuff becomes somebody else's problem. (Depending on who you end up working for, though, it's still worth trying to produce quality work so you can get good references if you need them later.) Do feel free to PM if you'd like to talk about that further.

And nah, knowing people helps of course but there are places you can cheaply advertise yourself as a code monkey (or some other thing) for hire. Craigslist and Angie's List both come to mind.

Cons freak me out, I've found, even small ones, but if you can stomach the crowds, there's bound to be some kind of tech geek convention going on within the next month that you could attend. Schmooze at the booths (not everyone there is a confident/gregarious person) and maybe you'll meet some useful contacts.

[bomaye]

I live in a pretty small place that's not exactly the tech-website crowd kinda place :/

[Enail]

There are also a variety of freelance job sites; it's a style of work with lots of options.

[nearly_takuan]

Melbourne, I thought? Freelance can be done remotely, and as for special events...
http://www.thatsmelbourne.com.au/Whatson/Exhibitions/Expos/Pages/ExposTradeShows.aspx

[bomaye]

Canadian west coast :/

I'm on Day 4ish of withdrawal I think, heavy anxiety and catastrophizing has ensued

[Enail]

Yay for 4 days! Boo to anxiety and catastrophizing. But it'll pass if you can wait it out, keep up the good work!

[Werel]

4 days is at least halfway to being done with the hardcore withdrawal symptoms, so just ride out that anxious catastrophizing (and that stuff always passes, it's too exhausting to keep up) and you're golden!

[nearly_takuan]

Ooh. Sorry. ...You're right, can't find much in the way of tech stuff going on in that area.

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