Re: Online Dating Rants

by Kiskadee Thu Nov 05, 2015 5:31 pm

Ugh, what is up with people saying in their profiles that they won't consider dating someone with X trait (a yes or no one, not a subjective one), and then contacting me despite me clearly stating that I'm "X"? Are these people not reading or do they not know what they want?

And why, of the few people who contact me, are most of them 500+ miles away? No offense, but why would I be interested?

Also, the "multiple organisms" thing is disturbingly hilarious, and I'm picturing this:
http://www.carolina.com/living-organisms/10476.ct
For you, they will buy out the store.

by **fakely mctest** Fri Nov 06, 2015 8:33 am

eselle28 wrote:Sideways profile picture. Strictly monogamous but only looking for casual sex. "I'm really good at..." is followed by "eating u out," which is slightly more charming if I imagine that the alien is simply picturing taking his new human friends to various restaurants.

Kismet!: Sexual Overtures From An Alien Unfamiliar With The Human Body

“Consider treating me as one of the following for the next hour: food, an enemy, a miscellaneous animal.”

by kath Tue Nov 10, 2015 12:55 am

This may not count, but since Dude was apparently planning to use Facebook to flirt with me by telling me boring jokes*, why could he not have spent 10 seconds looking at my profile, which indicates that I'm married, before actually messaging me? Or are the jokes supposed to be friendly ... ?

*I am not a huge fan of jokes to begin with, not how my sense of humour is wired. They aren't offensive jokes ... they're just like "..." jokes.

Is there any way for me to avoid making up replies to weird jokes without just ignoring possibly-friendly communication?

by **eselle28** Tue Nov 10, 2015 1:09 am

Wow, that's some nerve. Do you actually know this person?

by kath Tue Nov 10, 2015 1:17 am

Ah I forgot to include the not-as-weird part. I did meet him in person first.

He was taking photos at an event at my work at which I was running a program, and he asked if I could ask around about a photo another staff member took of him with something cool he made. He suggested facebook as the preferred way to let him know if I find the photo, so we friended each other (I asked for / offered a card first, but I was fine with facebook instead). He came back a few times throughout the night to start telling me jokes.

He seems like the general sort of person I am fairly likely to run into again, and I don't particularly mind friending people I've met once if there was a reason to do so. But I don't normally get boring jokes either.

by **eselle28** Tue Nov 10, 2015 2:23 am

Huh, that's an odd way of starting off what would otherwise be a potential professional relationship. Also a weird way of starting off a potential personal relationship.

by kath Sun Nov 15, 2015 9:25 pm

Yes.

After that, I found a picture that turned out to be not the right one, and he asked if he "could ask me a question". I asked what question that was, and I hope he's read my profile now because he hasn't actually asked me anything. Grin

by BasedBuzzed Sat Nov 28, 2015 10:19 am

Every Profile Is Exactly The Same. No-one has a typical Friday night, people can't be summarized, they can't do without friends, food, oxygen, their computer, family and dreams, they are working/studying and going out for drinks with friends, and you should message them if you want to.

by BasedBuzzed Fri Dec 11, 2015 2:17 pm

Some days it seems the only site that actually has sustainable matches is Diamond Greenlight.

by **eselle28** Fri Dec 11, 2015 4:19 pm

Man, I really don't like the new OkCupid format. It puts the most boring questions front and center, and it seems like even fewer people are doing the minimum than before. I get they're facing competition from Tinder, but their site isn't as easy to use as Tinder, and I sort of expect to get more in return.

Then again, I'm supposedly not interested in dating anyway, which is good given the prospects.

by Xexyz Tue Dec 15, 2015 2:24 pm

eselle28 wrote:Man, I really don't like the new OkCupid format. It puts the most boring questions front and center, and it seems like even fewer people are doing the minimum than before. I get they're facing competition from Tinder, but their site isn't as easy to use as Tinder, and I sort of expect to get more in return.

Then again, I'm supposedly not interested in dating anyway, which is good given the prospects.

I don't like the changes either. That coupled with the fact that I've started getting obvious bot messages makes me want to give up on the site all together.

by caliseivy Tue Dec 15, 2015 2:34 pm

I haven't had to deal with dating in a long time, but has it always been the norm to forego chatting with someone online and go straight to giving your phone number and expecting to hang out? I've now had two guys either ask for my number or give me their number in their introductory message

by Kiskadee Wed Dec 16, 2015 12:14 am

Huh, that seems really soon, caliseivy. I don't think that's the norm on the sites I've been on. That's happened to me once or twice, and I tend to assume those people are either lazy or hook-up oriented (or both). Not that there's anything wrong with looking for a hookup, but it's good to make sure you're on the same page.

On the other hand, it seems like if you exchange messages too long, people just get bored/busy/stop responding, so maybe the guys contacting you just got frustrated with this process and want to cut their losses?

by Xexyz Mon Dec 21, 2015 2:32 pm

caliseivy wrote:I haven't had to deal with dating in a long time, but has it always been the norm to forego chatting with someone online and go straight to giving your phone number and expecting to hang out? I've now had two guys either ask for my number or give me their number in their introductory message

Personally speaking (as a guy) I would want to move from chatting to a real-life meetup pretty quickly. I learned this lesson after having a pretty lengthy chat relationship with someone where we seemed to be a good match while chatting, but when we finally met in real life we had zero chemistry. However, quickly meeting up to me means going out on a date; not exchanging phone numbers right away.

by **eselle28** Mon Dec 21, 2015 3:05 pm

caliseivy wrote:I haven't had to deal with dating in a long time, but has it always been the norm to forego chatting with someone online and go straight to giving your phone number and expecting to hang out? I've now had two guys either ask for my number or give me their number in their introductory message

No, that's outside the norm. I occasionally get messages of that sort, but they're generally from incompatible people who I think are writing to everyone or from men who live far away and who I think are primarily looking for sexting partners.

I generally prefer moving from messaging to meeting relatively quickly, but for me that means 3-5 messages.

by nearly_takuan Sun Jan 03, 2016 12:48 am

"We're all going to die. Re-subscribe to A-List so you don't die alone."

Brilliant marketing. Disapproving

by **fakely mctest** Tue Jan 05, 2016 7:02 pm

I thought that was a super odd email as well, takuan.

Minus points for trying to be edgy. Minus points for confusing messaging (ocean levels rising = bad! except when it's the hotness of your date that does it). Minus points for dumb erection joke. Minus points for appeal to desperation.

It reads like a very early draft of something that will be scrapped for something better further along in the process.

by caliseivy Wed Jan 06, 2016 11:31 am

I just got that email this morning; I've never been on the A-list though.
Maybe I wanna spend the night alone pondering chlorofluorocarbons. Maybe I'm very passionate about climate change. Maybe I'm looking for someone who I can spend the night pondering chlorofluorocarbons with?

I can't wait to see the emails for Valentine's Day Disapproving

by **eselle28** Wed Jan 06, 2016 4:37 pm

I got that one too, and yeah, they'd do better not to send anything like that. Reading, "You're going to DIE, so you should go on a date with one of these ridiculously incompatible men!" made me, if anything, less motivated to go through my messages and send replies.

by **Hirundo Bos** Sat Jan 16, 2016 8:01 pm

That type of soft no where people are ambiguous or appear to misunderstand is, you know... I get the point with soft nos, now I've been made aware, I know I'm not entitled to a hard one, but with my difficulties with reading subtext and deep-rooted fear of bring misunderstood – it feels as if I've told a lie, which again feels like a physical incursion into reality – it can be taxing to be told no that way. (+ I feel kinda foolish when I'm uncertain and try to clarify, but that, again, is on me.)

by caliseivy Sun Jan 17, 2016 5:50 pm

A three-for-one rant for your viewing pleasure:
I just got that email from OKC listing various statistics from the site and despite the stat that 0% of messages consisting of just "Hey" get responded to, that's still the majority of what people send.

One of the last two messages I received was just a really weird poem. I wish the guy had just come out an said "I'm a nice guy, these other guys can't love you like I can" instead of making a poem about it because what the hell am I supposed to follow with?

A complete stranger messaged me "Hey, sweetpie" (guessing he meant sweetypie). Terms of endearment used by someone I am not intimately close to makes me very uncomfortable, but I don't feel like I can respond and correct him, because then I'm the Angry Black Woman just looking for a reason to lash out at someone, and we block each other with me having a headache and him learning nothing.

Sigh.

by **eselle28** Sun Jan 17, 2016 7:51 pm

caliseivy wrote:"Hey, sweetpie" (guessing he meant sweetypie).

Or maybe he's Hannibal Lecter. Either way, I would avoid the hell out of that. Yuck!

by Guest Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:50 pm

Bots, bots... aaaand more bots. Yay tinder. >:l

by **Hirundo Bos** Fri Jan 22, 2016 9:01 pm

Mentioned Asperger's maybe too early in a conversation, and Tinder match said that honestly she was a little scared by it... I'm so used to it being less of a deal for others than it is for me. She wants to keep talking though, so maybe it's not that big of a deal. And I did manage to not get hung up on it, to let it be after the conversation had moved on... still, she's the Tinder match I've been the most thrilled about so far, and I have sense she's kinda interested too, or was, and... hope she gets used to the idea. Should probably wait a bit longer before I share.

by **eselle28** Sun Jan 24, 2016 12:34 am

Just as you wouldn't log onto LinkedIn to find a date, it's probably also not a good idea to research a business opportunity or gather information on a place you're considering moving by writing to random women on OkCupid. At the very least, I'd suggest being neither surprised nor offended when they ignore your messages rather than take you up on the offer to be your unpaid life coach.

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