Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

[eselle28]

Found this article on Facebook of 41 needlessly gendered items and while I can kind of see a reason for gendering a few, most just make no damn sense.

Yeah, I can see the reason for gendering Minoxidil. Historically, only the 2% version was approved for women, so they used to label the 5% men's and the 2% women's. They may be keeping those labels for the benefit of long term users who are confused by the rule changes.

The lighters don't bother me on gender grounds, merely aesthetic ones, since they're not actually labeled as being "for women." They're just pink with female-coded patterns. There are plenty of other ugly lighters with different designs on them.

Gendered razors are my biggest pet peeve. I always get men's, because they're either better or cheaper or both.

[jcorozza]

I remember those pens - Ellen's version of that commercial is hilarious. Also, whoever is making "mansized" boxes of tissues has never met me - I use more tissues than everyone I know combined because I am allergic to a ton of animals, dust mites, mold, trees, pollen, etc. I used to carry my own tissue box around school/campus.

[caliseivy]

The tape and glue for girls makes me want to flip a table because they make no sense. It's odd to me that some of the items are listed as "for boys" and their pink or colorful counterpart is marked "pretty pink" or something. The one is very clearly for boys only, and the other can be for girls or something.

[eselle28]

The tissues thing just confused me because, if anything, I was under the impression that women use tissues for more purposes than men do and therefore might want a bigger box and/or larger individual tissues.

[The Wisp]

I think a lot of that is that popular culture genders a product one way even though the company that made it never intended it be gendered originally, and then they have to make a gendered version for the opposite gender to even get a second look from those people.

The other cases are just to hoodwink people with children of both genders or a live-in heterosexual partner to buy a product twice for no good reason.

Either way, pretty annoying.

[nearly_takuan]

Same with "Men's" moisturizers, shampoos/conditioners, and so forth. Look, I just want something vaguely acidic that will kill the skin cells I don't want, and then something vaguely smooth and absorbable or whatever that will keep things from getting too inflamed or clogged afterward. But yeah, okay, I am too embarrassed to buy the one that says "For Her" on it and keep it in my (shared) bathroom.

Besides, the "Men's" one is cheaper.

[eselle28]

The Men's one is cheaper. After having done due diligence work for some companies that make such items, I have switched to the men's versions from the women's ones. Or at least that's the case as far as deodorant goes, even though it tends to freak out men when they see my tube of Old Spice (which doesn't even have an especially manly scent). To the extent men's and women's hair products differ, I think guys tend to get pushed more toward two-in-one products, though there's no reason that should have a gender divide.

[caliseivy]

Yeah that (buzzfeed?) video has been going around lately about the pink tax. I always thought Old Spice had a scent. Maybe I'm confusing it with something else.

[Wondering]

Okay, so needing tampons is gendered. But having whichever cashier is at the counter sell them to you shouldn't be.

http://www.dailydot.com/lifestyle/guy-refuses-to-sell-tampons/?fb=dd

Male cashier refused to sell tampons to a woman at a gas station and got his female coworker to come to the counter and sell them instead.

[caliseivy]

Okay, so needing tampons is gendered. But having whichever cashier is at the counter sell them to you shouldn't be.

http://www.dailydot.com/lifestyle/guy-refuses-to-sell-tampons/?fb=dd

Male cashier refused to sell tampons to a woman at a gas station and got his female coworker to come to the counter and sell them instead.

I was really hoping he'd actually explain why selling tissue or condoms was different. Now we'll never know his stupid...

[kath]

Is this a gendered thing, or do men go through this too?

I was weighing myself at the gym.  Some old man sneaked up behind me and stepped on the scale to warp the number as a joke.  When I didn't laugh along with him (I just finished work and wasn't in the mood for more people, just wanted to jog on the treadmill with my headphones), he went, "You should smile, you'd be so much prettier if you smile more."  He then tried to get me to chat with him, finally stopping when I avoided eye contact and gave vague non-answers.

I have a related question - is it being weird to not go along with jokes gendered?

In the past little while (maybe I'm looking hotter, maybe I'm more observant, maybe I'm getting out more) I've had more than usual (which is still not very many) men make demands on my sense of humour. My sense of humour doesn't respond super well to that - it's not one that's particularly in line with other people's in general, and I also don't want to be drawn into conversation with the people who have done this, so my response is usually like yours, chickpea - utter refusal to acknowledge anything even remotely funny has happened. Because it has not.

Do guys do that with other guys? Like make random jokes as conversation starters to someone you haven't clapped eyes on before? Do they make jokes about how they other man looks?

I guess I do tend to get away with responding totally humourlessly, so at least there's that.

Same with "Men's" moisturizers, shampoos/conditioners, and so forth. Look, I just want something vaguely acidic that will kill the skin cells I don't want, and then something vaguely smooth and absorbable or whatever that will keep things from getting too inflamed or clogged afterward. But yeah, okay, I am too embarrassed to buy the one that says "For Her" on it and keep it in my (shared) bathroom.

Besides, the "Men's" one is cheaper.

You can buy raw ingredients like glycolic acid and lotion bases from DIY cosmetics sites (or DIY stores) and those usually come in pretty nondescript packaging. I buy 70% glycolic acid from my local soapmaking shop and dilute it to a non-skin-burning ~11%, slap that on my face, and wash it off 5 mins later. You have to sign a waiver to buy it, so that's like pretty hardcore .

Or you could use lemon juice. Put it in travel bottles. Also the chemical exfoliants aren't to kill skin cells, just to slough off the already-dead-and-still-sticky-ones.

[reboot]

Ask and ye shall receive. Discussion of men's toiletries and products has moved here

[eselle28]

Overheard at the lake: "Look at that girl making her boyfriend carry her dog. [Indistinct] spoiled." We were the only people in the general area with a dog, let alone one being carried. She's his dog, not mine or even ours, and her heavier-than-it-looks weight is going to be worse if she's carried by someone who's not her owner. (Also, she walked almost two miles today...no one resented her being tired at the end.) To be fair, I assumed she might have been his former wife's choice and was a little surprised she was his pet from when he was single, but as a cat owner I haven't been very aware of both my own and others' dog biases.

[reboot]

This is 1/2 rant and 1/2 gendered experience example

Actual dialogue from this morning:

Male senior state agency rep: "X really needs to start dressing more flatteringly. She looks so unattractive and unfeminine"

Male junior state agency rep: "You should not say that. X is really nice."

Me: "Why is how she dresses relevant to anything?"

My male employee: "What the hell is your point Senior State Agency person?"

Senior state agency rep: "I am just saying she is not doing herself any favors. She looks like such a horse. She should at least wear makeup."

Junior state agency rep: looks like deer in headlights
Me: "Wow, inappropriate"
My employee: "Really? Really? WTF!"

I will have you note that X is a 60+ grandmother.

Gendered experience: Can you imagine a man at any age having his clothes commented on because he is not dressing in a sexually appealing manner? Much less a man over 60?

Rant: Even if you believe women are required to be decorative, is there not a point where we can age out of the sexual attractiveness expectations and just dress for comfort?

Decision: I am talking to Senior State Agency rep's boss. This guy is a no go for our coalition. Not only does he say boneheaded stuff, he doubles down when called on it. Junior rep can stay. He has potential

[reboot]

This article about virginity from a woman raised in the purity movement has some interesting points

[eselle28]

Oh, Fox and Friends...why do I suspect you all have your assistants do the toy-buying for the children in your life?



An unrelated, cynical thought. Target has never been the most progressive of corporations. I'm wondering if this isn't just feminism and isn't even public relations. I suspect part of the reason for such a sharp division of boys' and girls' toys is so that families with at least one girl and at least one boy felt pressured to buy entirely new things rather than rely on some hand-me-downs.

There are considerably more families with one or two children (making it 50/50 children of both genders will be present) than there are families with three children. Maybe it's become more logical to try to convince parents to buy their one daughter or their pair of sons all the toys from what would be in both the boys' and the girls' aisles?

[8bitGreyscale]

(Replying to a relatively old post, but since this is more of a discussion/add your ideas instead of asking for advice, I think it's ok to reply.)

Anybody that told me that my dad's name was not my "own" name would get a punch right in the teeth, because a) the name of the person who is half my DNA is... not my name? What the fuck? b) yes, exactly, a name you spend your whole life with is very much your "own" name, and c) my first and last names sound amazing together (seriously, strangers tell me this) and you will pry my name from my cold dead hands.
:

What I don't get about that "reasoning" is that it also means it's not my dad's name, either. After all, he only had it because HIS dad gave it to him, and then it's not my grandpa's name either because HE got it from his own dad, and so on.

Also, by that logic, a guy who says that doesn't have his own last name, either. ;P

I think it's a (stupid and overused) argument because many seem to think that any woman who doesn't want to take her husband's name is obviously a MEGA RADICAL XTR33M FEMINIST who hates men. So it's intended to needle the woman by saying her name is still connected to a MAN, which is the idea these XTR33M FEMINISTS hate. Any other reason doesn't compute for them.

[HSavinien]

Getting medical professionals and caregivers to take you seriously when you tell them you're in pain is apparently gendered. Which is really scary. Take a look at these anecdotes. The research mentioned in the last comment can be found here

[Enail]

That one has been so incredibly frustratingly true in my experience.

[Wondering]

Yeah, I now think this is true for me, although I've just realized it over the the past couple months. I was in extreme pain after having my baby. But I was made to feel that it was just pretty normal for women post c-section. No, mine was over the top, and it wasn't c-section related, either, even though most people kept deflecting it as such.

[InkAndComb]

Getting professionals in caretakign positions and legal positions and local services (such as police and security) to take you seriously when you report that you have been assaulted.

As a male you get demasculinized; as a woman you get questioned if you were 'asking for it'.

Both are infuriating.

This may also be affected by my location (bible belt/Iowa), but it angers me so much.

[eselle28]

Liking or disliking movies with violent content is not a gendered trait.

https://twitter.com/wellshwood/status/669194779712880640?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

[Werel]

Liking or disliking movies with violent content is not a gendered trait.

https://twitter.com/wellshwood/status/669194779712880640?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

"Amen," says a woman whose favorite movie is Antichrist, one of the most "unflinchingly brutal, raw-element immersion" ultraviolent psycho-horror pics ever. Most men I have showed that movie to have said something like "I don't think I can watch this."

[Wondering]

Shut up, JJ Abrams.

“I am your father” may be the iconic Star Wars line, but J.J. Abrams is more interested in mothers for his new film in the franchise. The Star Wars: The Force Awakens director stopped by Good Morning America on Monday to talk about the upcoming release, and how he’s hoping it won’t just be a “boy’s thing.”

“Star Wars was always a boy’s thing,” Abrams said. “I was really hoping this could be a movie that mothers could take their daughters to as well.”

http://www.ew.com/article/2015/11/30/jj-abrams-star-wars-women

Translation: "I can't think outside of the experiences of myself and my male-only friends who loved Star Wars, so it must have been a boy thing."

[Enail]

Ugghghhhh. I'm a little worried what kind of movie he thinks he has to make Star Wars into to be a girl's thing. I'm going to stay cautiously optimistic and hope he just means there are female characters and emotional character arcs (as there were in the originals, but it seems like a lot of people forget that characters and emotions are and have always been a really important part of most of the great stories that are seen as boy's things).

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