Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
+16
nearly_takuan
NomChompsky
V
BasedBuzzed
Conreezy
PintsizeBro
reboot
reboundstudent
Gentleman Johnny
Chickpea Sarada
Barretts_Salt
Andrew Corvero
Enail
jcorozza
The Wisp
waxingjaney
20 posters
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
The Wisp wrote:I'm always super bummed out when nobody can get through to a poster on DNL prime.
People like that aren't posting to invite conversation or solicit assistance from others.
waxingjaney- Posts : 503
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
waxingjaney wrote:The Wisp wrote:I'm always super bummed out when nobody can get through to a poster on DNL prime.
People like that aren't posting to invite conversation or solicit assistance from others.
I think in hindsight that is obvious, but initially read as very earnest and I think they often have real issues. They're just too closed-minded. I feel like we have to keep trying for both the people reading and because some of them, even if only a fraction, will learn something.
I certainly could have been read as one of those people when I first popped up, after all.
The Wisp- Posts : 896
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
The Wisp wrote:I feel like we have to keep trying for both the people reading and because some of them, even if only a fraction, will learn something.
I don't.
waxingjaney- Posts : 503
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
Even if they don't, I think some of the people reading along learn something, at least.
jcorozza- Posts : 460
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
Just to clarify, I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to engage with people in that way, or not having the energy to. I personally feel like I should be initially charitable with some of these people at least some of the time, I don't think others are wrong for not feeling that way.
The Wisp- Posts : 896
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
I feel you, Wisp. It's one of those gambles you take knowing it probably won't pay off, but it's nice when it does.
Enail- Admin
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Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
Even if you do not get to them, you may get to some who read the comments and see the difference between bitterness and close-mindedness and hopefulness and a will to change your mind.
I know that when I'm bitter about anything seeing where bitterness can lead you if you allow it to take over your life helps me not to give up and see the value of opening your mind, especially if I see others who have the strength of challenging the bitter POV.
I'm not saying that you should be addressing them if you don't feel like it. It's a stressful, frustrating job after all, especially if they won't budge, and we all have other, more important and rewarding things in our lives. I'm just offering my support to those who are willing to do it and I want to say that their work is never in vain even if it looks like it many times.
I know that when I'm bitter about anything seeing where bitterness can lead you if you allow it to take over your life helps me not to give up and see the value of opening your mind, especially if I see others who have the strength of challenging the bitter POV.
I'm not saying that you should be addressing them if you don't feel like it. It's a stressful, frustrating job after all, especially if they won't budge, and we all have other, more important and rewarding things in our lives. I'm just offering my support to those who are willing to do it and I want to say that their work is never in vain even if it looks like it many times.
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Andrew Corvero- Posts : 184
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Join date : 2015-04-17
Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
I'm sorry if I fell apart on DNL Prime. It happens. I hate when it does, but it happens.
I've had moments of brilliance and ignorance. Moments of great wisdom and moments of not-so-wise-ing (I totally butchered that, but you know what I mean). A lot of what you guys say, sometimes make sense other times, I'm kinda scratching my head because a lot of times, since I haven't been in particular situations you guys talk about I get confused and scared. Also considering that dating is a pretty nebulous topic riddled with uncertainty and soooo many fucking feels. ;~;
What I'm tryna say is, I'm sorry guys. D: But you do help. Well, at least you've helped me.
I've had moments of brilliance and ignorance. Moments of great wisdom and moments of not-so-wise-ing (I totally butchered that, but you know what I mean). A lot of what you guys say, sometimes make sense other times, I'm kinda scratching my head because a lot of times, since I haven't been in particular situations you guys talk about I get confused and scared. Also considering that dating is a pretty nebulous topic riddled with uncertainty and soooo many fucking feels. ;~;
What I'm tryna say is, I'm sorry guys. D: But you do help. Well, at least you've helped me.
Guest- Guest
Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
I don't think anyone was talking about you, Mikey (and just in case anyone's tempted to use this thread to talk about regulars or people who are or might reasonably be expected to become members of this forum: DON'T.). There was a particular poster yesterday making problematic comments to that Wisp tried to be helpful to but who ended up saying some pretty exceptionally horrible stuff.
Enail- Admin
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
If nothing else, seeing various people's thoughts on different matters helps me avoid echo chamber syndrome.
Barretts_Salt- Posts : 59
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
Enail wrote:I don't think anyone was talking about you, Mikey (and just in case anyone's tempted to use this thread to talk about regulars or people who are or might reasonably be expected to become members of this forum: DON'T.). There was a particular poster yesterday making problematic comments to that Wisp tried to be helpful to but who ended up saying some pretty exceptionally horrible stuff.
Oh, all righty then. Phew!
And Wisp. I'm sorry to hear that happened, bruhdda.
Guest- Guest
Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
You're all referring to those genuinely misogynistic assholes on DNL Prime trying to justify why they treat women so horribly with some bullshit high school logic, right?
Guest- Guest
Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
Yep, that's mostly the gist of it.
Enail- Admin
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
Yeah, I rarely (almost never) engage in these kinds of threads, partly because I get to it way too late. By the time I even read the article there's already 200 replies branched out into 7 conversations. Often I have nothing to say that someone else hasn't already said, and sometimes the poster is already banned.
But even in the event where I'm not too late, I don't have the energy to continue an argument with that poster. The problem with debating is that it keeps going and going.
But even in the event where I'm not too late, I don't have the energy to continue an argument with that poster. The problem with debating is that it keeps going and going.
Chickpea Sarada- Posts : 102
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Join date : 2014-10-02
Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
Wisp, I think its great that you have not just the compassion to engage people you see hurting when you know it'll be difficult but also the fortitude. I can't do it. Maybe its because I've been around longer and burned out on trying the same thing with other people over and over. It gives me faith in humanity that you have enough faith in humanity to keep trying.
Society, civilization only exist because people believe in each other. It only holds together because enough people, when they're having a terrible day, realize that millions of people had to do millions of things right for them to be alive to have a terrible day. I spend a lot of time around survivalists, preppers, people who genuinely believe society is going to collapse. If it does, it won't be nuclear war or a zombie plague. It will be people like them convincing enough other people that civilization isn't worth sacrificing for. Every person they convince brings us one tiny step closer. Every person you convince that women, people, humans, are worthwhile, more than the sum of their biological drives, is a step back from the brink. Yeah, that sounds a bit over dramatic and any one person's contribution is tiny but once you adjust for scale, its absolutely true.
Society, civilization only exist because people believe in each other. It only holds together because enough people, when they're having a terrible day, realize that millions of people had to do millions of things right for them to be alive to have a terrible day. I spend a lot of time around survivalists, preppers, people who genuinely believe society is going to collapse. If it does, it won't be nuclear war or a zombie plague. It will be people like them convincing enough other people that civilization isn't worth sacrificing for. Every person they convince brings us one tiny step closer. Every person you convince that women, people, humans, are worthwhile, more than the sum of their biological drives, is a step back from the brink. Yeah, that sounds a bit over dramatic and any one person's contribution is tiny but once you adjust for scale, its absolutely true.
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Gentleman Johnny- Posts : 555
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
Holy cow. This is what I get for only visiting the comments in the morning an article is posted and forgetting to come back. Darn, I miss all the fun troll-baiting.
Also Wisp, piling onto the compliments for how you handled that poster. PS: Checkpea, appropriate gif is appropriate.
Also Wisp, piling onto the compliments for how you handled that poster. PS: Checkpea, appropriate gif is appropriate.
reboundstudent- Posts : 460
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
It was quite the shit storm and I pretty much provoked it since I snarked at his comment. I just was not in the mood to ignore the ludicrous and harmful that day, I guess
reboot- Moderator of "Other Relationships" and "Gender, Identity and Society"
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
I appreciate that it gave me a relevant excuse to mention glory holes, that's gotta count for something, right?
PintsizeBro- Posts : 307
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
Reboot, if you hadn't, I probably would've. Or someone else. It's pretty hard to ignore someone with egregiously gross views.
jcorozza- Posts : 460
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
One of the things I love about the NerdLove community is that there's always someone to step in when I can't. I try to be patient, but there are a lot of days when I read something and just say, "you know what? I just really can't today." And I can do that knowing that there will always be someone else who say, "hey, you know what? Today I can." There's a fantastic sense of shared responsibility for the community.
Guest- Guest
Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
Yup, I've noticed that, too. There are times when I read a comment, and when I go to write something to respond, I can't because there area a million angry/frustrated/blarg thoughts racing around in my brain and I can't figure out which ones to actually write down. So I take a break. When I come back, usually a few other people have responded to it for me.
jcorozza- Posts : 460
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
jcorozza wrote:Even if they don't, I think some of the people reading along learn something, at least.
This is a good point, because I certainly did while I lurked for over a year before posting anything.
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Conreezy- Posts : 269
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
As long as the mix of snark vs. people reframing a bad argument towards something more nuanced doesn't verge too much towards the latter, it's cool. Dogpiles sometimes give the impression of a circlejerk, but most of the time it's with posters who clearly don't bother to phrase their views in a way that's actually productive.
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BasedBuzzed- Posts : 811
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Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
Now on DNL prime there's an actual post about difficult argumentative.people.
It's actually how not to be one rather how to deal with one.
It's actually how not to be one rather how to deal with one.
V- Posts : 55
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Join date : 2014-10-06
Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime
I think I have an official hater on DNL Prime, somebody just downvoted every single comment I posted on yesterday's article in the span of about five minutes.
I must be doing something right.
I must be doing something right.
PintsizeBro- Posts : 307
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