Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime

by waxingjaney Sat May 30, 2015 12:07 am

The Wisp wrote:I'm always super bummed out when nobody can get through to a poster on DNL prime.

People like that aren't posting to invite conversation or solicit assistance from others.

by The Wisp Sat May 30, 2015 12:24 am

waxingjaney wrote:
The Wisp wrote:I'm always super bummed out when nobody can get through to a poster on DNL prime.

People like that aren't posting to invite conversation or solicit assistance from others.

I think in hindsight that is obvious, but initially read as very earnest and I think they often have real issues. They're just too closed-minded. I feel like we have to keep trying for both the people reading and because some of them, even if only a fraction, will learn something.

I certainly could have been read as one of those people when I first popped up, after all.

by waxingjaney Sat May 30, 2015 12:46 am

The Wisp wrote:I feel like we have to keep trying for both the people reading and because some of them, even if only a fraction, will learn something.

I don't.

by jcorozza Sat May 30, 2015 12:50 am

Even if they don't, I think some of the people reading along learn something, at least.

by The Wisp Sat May 30, 2015 1:41 am

Just to clarify, I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to engage with people in that way, or not having the energy to. I personally feel like I should be initially charitable with some of these people at least some of the time, I don't think others are wrong for not feeling that way.

by **Enail** Sat May 30, 2015 12:26 pm

I feel you, Wisp. It's one of those gambles you take knowing it probably won't pay off, but it's nice when it does.

by Andrew Corvero Sat May 30, 2015 12:49 pm

Even if you do not get to them, you may get to some who read the comments and see the difference between bitterness and close-mindedness and hopefulness and a will to change your mind.

I know that when I'm bitter about anything seeing where bitterness can lead you if you allow it to take over your life helps me not to give up and see the value of opening your mind, especially if I see others who have the strength of challenging the bitter POV.

I'm not saying that you should be addressing them if you don't feel like it. It's a stressful, frustrating job after all, especially if they won't budge, and we all have other, more important and rewarding things in our lives. I'm just offering my support to those who are willing to do it and I want to say that their work is never in vain even if it looks like it many times.

by Guest Sat May 30, 2015 3:42 pm

I'm sorry if I fell apart on DNL Prime. It happens. I hate when it does, but it happens.

I've had moments of brilliance and ignorance. Moments of great wisdom and moments of not-so-wise-ing (I totally butchered that, but you know what I mean). A lot of what you guys say, sometimes make sense other times, I'm kinda scratching my head because a lot of times, since I haven't been in particular situations you guys talk about I get confused and scared. Also considering that dating is a pretty nebulous topic riddled with uncertainty and soooo many fucking feels. ;~;

What I'm tryna say is, I'm sorry guys. D: But you do help. Well, at least you've helped me. Shiny/thrilled

by **Enail** Sat May 30, 2015 3:54 pm

I don't think anyone was talking about you, Mikey (and just in case anyone's tempted to use this thread to talk about regulars or people who are or might reasonably be expected to become members of this forum: DON'T.). There was a particular poster yesterday making problematic comments to that Wisp tried to be helpful to but who ended up saying some pretty exceptionally horrible stuff.

by Barretts_Salt Sat May 30, 2015 5:15 pm

If nothing else, seeing various people's thoughts on different matters helps me avoid echo chamber syndrome.

by Guest Sat May 30, 2015 6:27 pm

Enail wrote:I don't think anyone was talking about you, Mikey (and just in case anyone's tempted to use this thread to talk about regulars or people who are or might reasonably be expected to become members of this forum: DON'T.). There was a particular poster yesterday making problematic comments to that Wisp tried to be helpful to but who ended up saying some pretty exceptionally horrible stuff.

Oh, all righty then. Phew!

And Wisp. I'm sorry to hear that happened, bruhdda.

by Guest Sat May 30, 2015 6:43 pm

You're all referring to those genuinely misogynistic assholes on DNL Prime trying to justify why they treat women so horribly with some bullshit high school logic, right?

by **Enail** Sat May 30, 2015 6:55 pm

Yep, that's mostly the gist of it.

by Chickpea Sarada Sun May 31, 2015 2:03 am

Yeah, I rarely (almost never) engage in these kinds of threads, partly because I get to it way too late. By the time I even read the article there's already 200 replies branched out into 7 conversations. Often I have nothing to say that someone else hasn't already said, and sometimes the poster is already banned.

Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime Fire_community

Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime Fire_community

But even in the event where I'm not too late, I don't have the energy to continue an argument with that poster. The problem with debating is that it keeps going and going.

by Gentleman Johnny Sun May 31, 2015 3:49 am

Wisp, I think its great that you have not just the compassion to engage people you see hurting when you know it'll be difficult but also the fortitude. I can't do it. Maybe its because I've been around longer and burned out on trying the same thing with other people over and over. It gives me faith in humanity that you have enough faith in humanity to keep trying.

Society, civilization only exist because people believe in each other. It only holds together because enough people, when they're having a terrible day, realize that millions of people had to do millions of things right for them to be alive to have a terrible day. I spend a lot of time around survivalists, preppers, people who genuinely believe society is going to collapse. If it does, it won't be nuclear war or a zombie plague. It will be people like them convincing enough other people that civilization isn't worth sacrificing for. Every person they convince brings us one tiny step closer. Every person you convince that women, people, humans, are worthwhile, more than the sum of their biological drives, is a step back from the brink. Yeah, that sounds a bit over dramatic and any one person's contribution is tiny but once you adjust for scale, its absolutely true.

by reboundstudent Mon Jun 01, 2015 6:43 pm

Holy cow. This is what I get for only visiting the comments in the morning an article is posted and forgetting to come back. Darn, I miss all the fun troll-baiting.

Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime Tumblr_m04czgxLn21qzlvmi

Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime Tumblr_m04czgxLn21qzlvmi

Also Wisp, piling onto the compliments for how you handled that poster. PS: Checkpea, appropriate gif is appropriate.

by **reboot** Mon Jun 01, 2015 7:16 pm

It was quite the shit storm and I pretty much provoked it since I snarked at his comment. I just was not in the mood to ignore the ludicrous and harmful that day, I guess

by PintsizeBro Mon Jun 01, 2015 8:10 pm

I appreciate that it gave me a relevant excuse to mention glory holes, that's gotta count for something, right?

by jcorozza Mon Jun 01, 2015 8:50 pm

Reboot, if you hadn't, I probably would've. Or someone else. It's pretty hard to ignore someone with egregiously gross views.

by Guest Mon Jun 01, 2015 9:55 pm

One of the things I love about the NerdLove community is that there's always someone to step in when I can't. I try to be patient, but there are a lot of days when I read something and just say, "you know what? I just really can't today." And I can do that knowing that there will always be someone else who say, "hey, you know what? Today I can." There's a fantastic sense of shared responsibility for the community.

by jcorozza Mon Jun 01, 2015 10:25 pm

Yup, I've noticed that, too. There are times when I read a comment, and when I go to write something to respond, I can't because there area a million angry/frustrated/blarg thoughts racing around in my brain and I can't figure out which ones to actually write down. So I take a break. When I come back, usually a few other people have responded to it for me.

by Conreezy Tue Jun 02, 2015 5:17 am

jcorozza wrote:Even if they don't, I think some of the people reading along learn something, at least.

This is a good point, because I certainly did while I lurked for over a year before posting anything.

by BasedBuzzed Tue Jun 02, 2015 5:56 am

As long as the mix of snark vs. people reframing a bad argument towards something more nuanced doesn't verge too much towards the latter, it's cool. Dogpiles sometimes give the impression of a circlejerk, but most of the time it's with posters who clearly don't bother to phrase their views in a way that's actually productive.

by V Tue Jun 02, 2015 11:31 am

Now on DNL prime there's an actual post about difficult argumentative.people.

It's actually how not to be one rather how to deal with one.

by PintsizeBro Tue Jun 02, 2015 1:05 pm

I think I have an official hater on DNL Prime, somebody just downvoted every single comment I posted on yesterday's article in the span of about five minutes.

I must be doing something right.

by Sponsored content