Guys, back me up... [Advice or opinions.]

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Post by Guest on Tue Apr 07, 2015 7:48 pm

One of my (new) squad mates (I have known him for a while, my old and new units are in the same battalion, and in the same armory.) invited me to go chincorreando or bar hopping on Friday, and as usual, I am freaking out whether I go or not.

Every Friday night, every one on the island goes out bar hopping to let go of the stresses of work. Obviously there will be a lot of guys hitting on women, showing off, getting drunk and taking a girl home. last time I went with Mortar (Sorry forgot to mention name, for safety and security he will be referred to as Mortar, the weapon system he operates.) he made out with a girl while I was alone the whole night fearing that if I as so much as look at a girl, she'll throw her drink at me or worse... anyway after that he took that girl home, every now and then she sends him hot racy photos to him. I end being EXTREMELY JEALOUS of him ("sometimes, I just want to strap a C4 demolition charge on his back and blow him into a red, bloody mess..." - Jerkbrain) and hating myself, thus proving that I'm not good enough for someone.

I sorry, but I think I should accept my fate...  Crying

any advice or opinions? As usual, do not link me or mention the Doc, as I STILL do not trust him, until I see results, I wont trust him.


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Post by eselle28 on Tue Apr 07, 2015 7:58 pm

Have you been out drinking with Mortar before and had a good time? If you have or if last time was the only time you've gone out to the bar with him, I'd say maybe give Friday a try. One strategy I have with friends who are sometimes fun to go out with and sometimes less fun is to casually mention that I might need to head out a little early that night, and then deciding whether I want to use that easy out or not as the night progresses. If you've been out with Mortar several times and it always seems to end up with him picking up women and you being jealous, then I'd say you might want to decline and perhaps find other ways to spend time with him.

(For whatever it's worth, the situation of seeing a friend hook up at a bar while you stand around awkwardly is something that's happened to many people of varying levels of social and romantic success. I've been there myself a bunch of times, and it can be a real downer.)
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Post by Guest on Tue Apr 07, 2015 8:20 pm

eselle28 wrote:Have you been out drinking with Mortar before and had a good time? If you have or if last time was the only time you've gone out to the bar with him, I'd say maybe give Friday a try. One strategy I have with friends who are sometimes fun to go out with and sometimes less fun is to casually mention that I might need to head out a little early that night, and then deciding whether I want to use that easy out or not as the night progresses. If you've been out with Mortar several times and it always seems to end up with him picking up women and you being jealous, then I'd say you might want to decline and perhaps find other ways to spend time with him.

(For whatever it's worth, the situation of seeing a friend hook up at a bar while you stand around awkwardly is something that's happened to many people of varying levels of social and romantic success. I've been there myself a bunch of times, and it can be a real downer.)

Here's the thing: If I decline, I'll feel like I'm letting him down, If I go I go with the expectation that a girl will find me attractive (a 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 chance.) and finally make me normal. (not my conscious thought, Jerkbrain talking, GOD I HATE MY MOTHERFUCKING JERKBRAIN!!!)

Most people would use a pic from my dating profile to scare crows.

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Post by Jayce on Tue Apr 07, 2015 8:57 pm

It depends, do you like going to bars in general? Whatever you do make sure to make your enjoyment a priority. Don't ruin the fun for yourself by looking at what other people are doing and what you're missing out on. Focus on having fun.

Anyway about that scenario. I don't know any women, not one, that goes out at night alone, especially to a bar. That girl your friend is making out with is going to have friends. You could always spend some time getting to know her friends if your friend(s) are occupied with flirting.

Also you can always ask one of your guy friends wingman for you and help introduce you to a new group of people.

Another way to enjoy yourself at a bar, is to have casual conversations with random people that you don't know, ask them what the best drink here is, smoke cigarettes with them (if you're that and the bar has a smoking area). Or you could always go approach a woman yourself.

Don't go to the bar (or to any event) with just the aim of I want to get some validation from someone else. You can never guarantee that, but what you can guarantee is that you have an awesome time.

Personally, I think you should go, having more social events and interaction in your life is also nice, you could also make closer friends with the other guys in your squad. And exposing yourself to meeting more women in general can help. But of course that's up to you.

The only reason I don't go to bars at night that often anymore is because its hard to get home afterwards, taxi prices suck, I don't drink alcohol anymore and having a late night out really screws up the next morning or the next day even, leaving me tired.

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Post by Guest on Tue Apr 07, 2015 9:15 pm

Jayce wrote:It depends, do you like going to bars in general? Whatever you do make sure to make your enjoyment a priority. Don't ruin the fun for yourself by looking at what other people are doing and what you're missing out on. Focus on having fun.

Anyway about that scenario. I don't know any women, not one, that goes out at night alone, especially to a bar. That girl your friend is making out with is going to have friends. You could always spend some time getting to know her friends if your friend(s) are occupied with flirting.

Also you can always ask one of your guy friends wingman for you and help introduce you to a new group of people.

Another way to enjoy yourself at a bar, is to have casual conversations with random people that you don't know, ask them what the best drink here is, smoke cigarettes with them (if you're that and the bar has a smoking area). Or you could always go approach a woman yourself.

Don't go to the bar (or to any event) with just the aim of I want to get some validation from someone else. You can never guarantee that, but what you can guarantee is that you have an awesome time.

Personally, I think you should go, having more social events and interaction in your life is also nice, you could also make closer friends with the other guys in your squad. And exposing yourself to meeting more women in general can help. But of course that's up to you.

The only reason I don't go to bars at night that often anymore is because its hard to get home afterwards, taxi prices suck, I don't drink alcohol anymore and having a late night out really screws up the next morning or the next day even, leaving me tired.

1 Who will most likely avoid me like the plague...
2 Tried it, he ended up taking the girl I liked home, I ended up drinking for a week...
3 Only the on-post bar has a smoking area.


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Post by Enail on Tue Apr 07, 2015 9:36 pm

Alex, it sounds like you're not currently in a mindset where you'll be able to approach that kind of evening with a relaxed attitude of seeing what happens and enjoying yourself without expectations. If you go out feeling like you a. have to pick someone up or it will shred your emotions and b. have no chance at all of having a positive interaction with a woman, that will make it hard to have a good time or to meet people. If that's the case, I think you'd do better to say you're not up for it this time, but plan to do something else with him sometime - leave the door open for another time when you're feeling more up for something like that.
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Post by Guest on Tue Apr 07, 2015 9:44 pm

Enail wrote:Alex, it sounds like you're not currently in a mindset where you'll be able to approach that kind of evening with a relaxed attitude of seeing what happens and enjoying yourself without expectations. If you go out feeling like you a. have to pick someone up or it will shred your emotions and b. have no chance at all of having a positive interaction with a woman, that will make it hard to have a good time or to meet people. If that's the case, I think you'd do better to say you're not up for it this time, but plan to do something else with him sometime - leave the door open for another time when you're feeling more up for something like that.

Suggestions? (Keep in mind Mortar is in an Infantry unit, Those who've been or are in the Army know what I mean.)

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Post by reboot on Tue Apr 07, 2015 11:34 pm

Alex1989 wrote:
Enail wrote:Alex, it sounds like you're not currently in a mindset where you'll be able to approach that kind of evening with a relaxed attitude of seeing what happens and enjoying yourself without expectations. If you go out feeling like you a. have to pick someone up or it will shred your emotions and b. have no chance at all of having a positive interaction with a woman, that will make it hard to have a good time or to meet people. If that's the case, I think you'd do better to say you're not up for it this time, but plan to do something else with him sometime - leave the door open for another time when you're feeling more up for something like that.

Suggestions? (Keep in mind Mortar is in an Infantry unit, Those who've been or are in the Army know what I mean.)

Ask him to go PT or shooting and maybe grab some food or drinks after.
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Post by Guest on Wed Apr 08, 2015 12:27 am

reboot wrote:
Alex1989 wrote:
Enail wrote:Alex, it sounds like you're not currently in a mindset where you'll be able to approach that kind of evening with a relaxed attitude of seeing what happens and enjoying yourself without expectations. If you go out feeling like you a. have to pick someone up or it will shred your emotions and b. have no chance at all of having a positive interaction with a woman, that will make it hard to have a good time or to meet people. If that's the case, I think you'd do better to say you're not up for it this time, but plan to do something else with him sometime - leave the door open for another time when you're feeling more up for something like that.

Suggestions? (Keep in mind Mortar is in an Infantry unit, Those who've been or are in the Army know what I mean.)

Ask him to go PT or shooting and maybe grab some food or drinks after.

Not much, but it's a start.

I hope he does not pull off his usual Go-and-take-this-girl-home crap.

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Post by reboot on Wed Apr 08, 2015 1:09 am

"Dude, shut the fuck up and quit thinking about my dick! You take care of yours and I'll take care of mine."

Might be an appropriate response if he is like other infantry I have known, if you sprinkle it with a few more "Fucks"
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Post by Guest on Wed Apr 08, 2015 2:50 am

reboot wrote:
Ask him to go PT or shooting and maybe grab some food or drinks after.

Hell, I'm not even in the U.S. Army and this sounds like a lot of fun. Except for the PT, I'm not much into running much. Razz

I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time too, Alex. D:

My advice may not be entirely helpful, but worth a shot. I'd suggest that you go anyway and have fun and drink and don't worry about the girls at the bar. They're there for the same reason you are, to drink and have a good time, not exactly to hook-up with anyone (well, some might, but not all of them), that's really just a bonus for some people.

However, if your mind is not in the right place currently, I wouldn't do it. I've had to turn down going to things because I wasn't feeling well before, so I know how you feel. :I

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Post by gaboz on Wed Apr 08, 2015 5:23 am

Somehow I am fascinated that Alex1989 is in the army, probably fearless in his assignment and still freak out of approaching a girl. The brain is a warped piece of biological masterpiece.

But i think that Enail's suggestion the right one is. You are already over thinking and being negative and I think it will show it with body-language. And if you decided to go, just enjoy the moment en just go with the flow...

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Post by Guest on Wed Apr 08, 2015 11:41 am

reboot wrote:"Dude, shut the fuck up and quit thinking about my dick! You take care of yours and I'll take care of mine."

Might be an appropriate response if he is like other infantry I have known, if you sprinkle it with a few more "Fucks"

I should of been more specific, like an infantryman in PR, known for the very, very high tolerance to alcohol and black holes for stomachs. Razz

Also Mortar won't respond like that, I've know him for years (To be honest, if he responds to me like that, I'll slap the hair off his head!)

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Post by Guest on Wed Apr 08, 2015 11:46 am

The Mikey wrote:
reboot wrote:
Ask him to go PT or shooting and maybe grab some food or drinks after.

Hell, I'm not even in the U.S. Army and this sounds like a lot of fun. Except for the PT, I'm not much into running much. Razz

I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time too, Alex. D:

My advice may not be entirely helpful, but worth a shot. I'd suggest that you go anyway and have fun and drink and don't worry about the girls at the bar. They're there for the same reason you are, to drink and have a good time, not exactly to hook-up with anyone (well, some might, but not all of them), that's really just a bonus for some people.

However, if your mind is not in the right place currently, I wouldn't do it. I've had to turn down going to things because I wasn't feeling well before, so I know how you feel. :I

Don't worry, running is 50% mental, 50% legs, I can run 2 miles in under 15:50.

any good advice.

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Post by reboot on Wed Apr 08, 2015 1:04 pm

Alex1989 wrote:
reboot wrote:"Dude, shut the fuck up and quit thinking about my dick! You take care of yours and I'll take care of mine."

Might be an appropriate response if he is like other infantry I have known, if you sprinkle it with a few more "Fucks"

I should of been more specific, like an infantryman in PR, known for the very, very high tolerance to alcohol and black holes for stomachs. Razz

Also Mortar won't respond like that, I've know him for years (To be honest, if he responds to me like that, I'll slap the hair off his head!)

Do you think he would be open to you saying, "Hey, can you stop with the " go after that girl" stuff? I find it annoying. Right now I want to chill, drink my drink and not deal with that shit"

If you go, follow Jayce and Mikey's advice

If you do not want to go, do you want scripts to say no with minimal nagging?

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Post by Guest on Fri Apr 10, 2015 11:18 am

reboot wrote:
Alex1989 wrote:
reboot wrote:"Dude, shut the fuck up and quit thinking about my dick! You take care of yours and I'll take care of mine."

Might be an appropriate response if he is like other infantry I have known, if you sprinkle it with a few more "Fucks"

I should of been more specific, like an infantryman in PR, known for the very, very high tolerance to alcohol and black holes for stomachs. Razz

Also Mortar won't respond like that, I've know him for years (To be honest, if he responds to me like that, I'll slap the hair off his head!)

Do you think he would be open to you saying, "Hey, can you stop with the " go after that girl" stuff? I find it annoying. Right now I want to chill, drink my drink and not deal with that shit"

If you go, follow Jayce and Mikey's advice

If you do not want to go, do you want scripts to say no with minimal nagging?


I'm thinking of taking the risk by going...

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Post by reboot on Fri Apr 10, 2015 11:51 am

Just remember, if it gets to be too much, leave. Claim to be too wasted or that you ate something that urgently wants to escape
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Post by Guest on Fri Apr 10, 2015 1:15 pm

reboot wrote:Just remember, if it gets to be too much, leave. Claim to be too wasted or that you ate something that urgently wants to escape

That does not work any more, when I am too wasted I fall faster than an anvil dropped past the event horizon of a black hole. Razz Razz Razz  If I say I am too wasted they'll know that I am lying.

About the food thing... Suspect, you do realize that we Puerto Ricans always have our minds in the gutter, right?

I'll go with the I-gotta-go-do-somthing-early-tomorrow-morning excuse.

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Post by reboot on Fri Apr 10, 2015 2:27 pm

Alex1989 wrote:
reboot wrote:Just remember, if it gets to be too much, leave. Claim to be too wasted or that you ate something that urgently wants to escape

That does not work any more, when I am too wasted I fall faster than an anvil dropped past the event horizon of a black hole. Razz Razz Razz  If I say I am too wasted they'll know that I am lying.

About the food thing... Suspect, you do realize that we Puerto Ricans always have our minds in the gutter, right?

I'll go with the I-gotta-go-do-somthing-early-tomorrow-morning excuse.

That is why the food thing works perfect. When you tell people you are about to spew from both ends and do not want them in the line of fire the most gutter minded people get it Smile

Enjoy yourself
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Post by trooper6 on Sun Apr 12, 2015 3:51 pm

When I was in the Army, if I wanted to do something with my Army buddies that did not involve bar hopping. We'd usually go to the bowling alley on post or get together and:
1) play Spades (or other card game, but usually spades)
2) play Dominoes
3) play Dungeons and Dragons

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Post by Guest on Tue Apr 14, 2015 7:33 pm

I hate to say this, but I have to tell you how it went....

THE STUPID MOTHERFUCKER DID IT AGAIN! AFTER I TOLD HIM NOT TO PICK UP ANY GIRLS, THE STUPID FUCK DOES IT ANYWAY! HE TOOK 2 THIS TIME! IS HE DOING THIS JUST TO PISS ME OFF?! WHAT DID I DO TO DESRVE THIS!? :shout: :shout: :shout: :shout: :shout: :shout:

Currently at DEFCON 2.

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Post by eselle28 on Tue Apr 14, 2015 7:41 pm

Okay, so, your jerkbrain is telling you that he's picking up women at you. It's unlikely that this is the case. I don't think that telling your friend not to approach women is going to be very effective, especially if he's not responding to you telling him that by promising that he won't. It seems that this is how he usually behaves in bars, and also that it's something that upsets you a great deal. I think that because of that, this may be one of those friendships that would be a lot better if you stuck to playing cards or going shooting or getting food and didn't go out drinking together.
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Post by Guest on Tue Apr 14, 2015 7:49 pm

eselle28 wrote:Okay, so, your jerkbrain is telling you that he's picking up women at you. It's unlikely that this is the case. I don't think that telling your friend not to approach women is going to be very effective, especially if he's not responding to you telling him that by promising that he won't. It seems that this is how he usually behaves in bars, and also that it's something that upsets you a great deal. I think that because of that, this may be one of those friendships that would be a lot better if you stuck to playing cards or going shooting or getting food and didn't go out drinking together.

Or a better option, end the friendship. Disapproving

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Post by Enail on Tue Apr 14, 2015 7:56 pm

Are there situations where you do enjoy spending time with him? Because if he's otherwise a good friend to you, it seems like it might be rather a waste to lose those good aspects of the friendship rather than just doing as Eselle suggested and trying to find a way to limit the friendship to situations that aren't going to feel so upsetting to you.  

It's a subject that you feel very intensely about, and it's possible that some of your friends will always have a hard time understanding how deeply it affects you, even if you are fairly open with them, so it might be good to think a bit about whether workarounds would be helpful and what friendships you value enough to try and preserve in some fashion even if there are problems like this. .
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Post by Guest on Tue Apr 14, 2015 8:05 pm

Enail wrote:Are there situations where you do enjoy spending time with him? Because if he's otherwise a good friend to you, it seems like it might be rather a waste to lose those good aspects of the friendship rather than just doing as Eselle suggested and trying to find a way to limit the friendship to situations that aren't going to feel so upsetting to you.  

It's a subject that you feel very intensely about, and it's possible that some of your friends will always have a hard time understanding how deeply it affects you, even if you are fairly open with them, so it might be good to think a bit about whether workarounds would be helpful and what friendships you value enough to try and preserve in some fashion even if there are problems like this. .

This one, I'm afraid is unsalvageable.

He's nothing but a hypocrite, one time he gave me advice to try to find someone, as always, it does not work, he tries it and he can take 2 girls at once! what's worse that he picks up the girl I like! :grrr:  :grrr:  :grrr:  :grrr:  

I talk with her, I have fun with her, I ask her out, What happens? She turns me down, Mortar asks the same girl out and she just goes to his place! he does not even have to have a conversation with her, it like he ask her, she does not think twice!

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK!!!! :grrr: :grrr: :grrr: :grrr: :grrr:

I don't need therapy, I don't need advice.

I need results!

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