Re: The fear of "Too Late"

[Enail]

Probably good to get it over with, less time to stress. GO BOMAYE!!!!

[Werel]

Oh my gosh there's no way you'll be done crying by tomorrow

Less time to stress is usually a good thing. GOGOGOGOGO YOU'RE GONNA DO GREAT

[bomaye]

I couldn't sleep last night, woke up feeling sick today (it was the familiar "great, what's awful thing is gonna happen today because I'm going somewhere" nausea that I've had since elementary when having to go do things, and also a bit of messed-up sleep schedule) and I'm kind of secretly/not-secretly hoping I blow it. I don't want the outside world and it doesn't really care either way (and probably leans negatively anyways because I'm not "normal"). I don't think the outside world has the things I'd like in it, so absent that, I just want to be left alone, but I can't really back out now because I'd probably get yelled at or whatever :/

[Werel]

It's totally understandable to have a bunch of anxiety about job interviews, especially if it's like your second job interview ever; just keep in mind that whether or not it goes well, you're not going to be forced into anything you don't want to do. Goes badly? You don't have to be unemployed if you don't want to, there are other employers out there who'll give you interviews. Goes awesome? You don't have to take this job if you don't want to, there's no blood oath you've signed. There's no Major Consequence inherent to this interview, regardless of how it turns out.

(edit: HEY WAIT, didn't you give me this exact same advice a few months ago? )

Sounds like your brain wants you to be hyper-focused on Major Consequences right now, but it's mis-projecting all those Major Consequences onto this one interview-- and that's wrong! You don't have to deal with the bigger "fitting into the world" or "things you want from life" questions right this second; all you need to do is show up to that interview and gather as much data as you can, then use that data to inform whatever decisions you need to make down the road. You can do it.

[Enail]

Seconding what Werel said. An interview isn't a promise. Even if you get the job, and even if you take it, it doesn't have to be a forever commitment, you can try things and see how they go, and leave it if you find it's not for you after a while. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, either, you can step into some parts of the outside world without embracing every part of it, and then step back inside when you need to get away from it, this interview isn't locking you into ALL THE OUTSIDE WORLD FOREVER

Try your best on the interview anyway, even if you don't want the job it'll be good practice for if you ever need or want to do it again, and if it goes well, it'll be good to know you can even if you choose not to. And maybe it can help lower the stress to know that it's not exactly going to be a disappointment if you don't get it

[bomaye]

It doesn't have to be all or nothing, either, you can step into some parts of the outside world without embracing every part of it, and then step back inside when you need to get away from it, this interview isn't locking you into ALL THE OUTSIDE WORLD FOREVER

The interview itself doesn't because there's no guarantees it goes well, but if it goes well, it kinda does. There's no real respite from it because you're always scheduled to be somewhere at a specific time no matter what and free time is just trying to pretend it's not going to happen until it does... or you quit/get fired and then your future looks more and more bleak because you have to survive somehow later on, so you don't really escape the trap so much as have to find a way back into it

[Enail]

You'll have to survive somehow later on whether or not you get a job now.  Having some job experience makes it easier to get another one or a better one, as well as can make it easier to get social services if you can't get one, plus the money you would earn could be the start of a safety net for yourself, so it would still be a better situation than if you hadn't had it.

And if you ace the interview and take the job and it's so awful you're constantly dreading it in your time off, again, you can quit and be in no worse situation than you are now, and probably a better one. Don't make it into a bigger commitment than it really is.

[Werel]

The interview itself doesn't because there's no guarantees it goes well, but if it goes well, it kinda does.

You don't have to take this job if you don't want to, there's no blood oath you've signed.

Even if you get the job, and even if you take it, it doesn't have to be a forever commitment, you can try things and see how they go, and leave it if you find it's not for you after a while.

---

you don't really escape the trap so much as have to find a way back into it

Did you guys read Brer Rabbit stories in school/as kids up there? I think that's a southern thing, so probably not. Anyway, his whole deal as a trickster character was to emerge from difficult situations unscathed by having superior knowledge of the situations' workings. The "find a way back into the trap" bit reminds me of the briar patch story, wherein (SPOILERS) Brer Rabbit escapes a fox by begging him not to throw him into the prickly old briar patch, where he will be scratched and trapped by the brambles. The briar patch, of course, is Brer Rabbit's native element, he knows all the paths and tunnels and how to run through the brambles, and being thrown in there is his actual goal. But he knows that the fox doesn't have that knowledge, thinks of the briar patch as an insurmountable obstacle, and can't effectively pursue him in there.

I ain't saying your secret native element is The World of Retail Employment. It's just the trap you find yourself being dangled over by Brer Fox (economic necessity) at the moment. Your job here is to learn as many of the briar patch's tunnels and paths as you can, so that you can use them to whatever ends you need in the future. Being the trickster right now, the data-amasser who can outsmart the predator, is all you need to do: go learn as much as you can about this thing that scares you. Arm yourself with knowledge of how it works and how you work when you're forced to interact with it.

...if that makes any sense

[bomaye]

Except in this case, the briar patch doesn't end, and there's no leaving it. The goal of "leave me alone" is not possible within it, regardless of how many tunnels you worm your way through

[Werel]

Right-- there's no exit to the general problem of being pursued by Brer Fox/the probable economic necessity of working some amount someday. But there may be ways to evade it for a long time if you know how, and there may be briar patches in which you can do your evading fairly comfortably if you just get to know the tunnels. Metaphorically speaking (which seems to be the only kind of speaking I'm capable of today ), it seems preferable to run from the fox through a familiar briar patch (of knowledgeability and clever shortcuts) than through open country (of avoidance-borne ignorance).

tl;dr "knowledge is power," you have a chance to go get some knowledge about convenience store jobs, so go amp up your power levels and don't worry just yet about how you'll eventually level up enough to take on the boss

[bomaye]

I don't want to take on the boss because the game sucks, I just want to be left alone :p

[Enail]

Getting the job won't close off any possibilities that you'd otherwise have for being left alone or not taking on the boss or whatever, and doing the interview definitely won't. Even at its worst/most different from now, it's not going to make your long-term situation any worse, and it could make it better.

[reboot]

An interview is just that: an interview. You can decide, "Nope. Not going to work" and be right back where you were the day before you got this call. This is not life of death for you. You can be out of work and still have a home and food and the interwebs. You can also take the job, hate it, and quit and you will still be in a better spot than most unemployed people because you do not have to support yourself or anyone else.

Quit making a mountain out of a molehill. You are spinning this up WAY too much

[bomaye]

I'm pretty sure they won't let me do that again if I end up getting it. It's pretty much the end of ever being left alone.

[Enail]

You don't even have to tell them if you get it but decide not to take it.

[bomaye]

"Okay go try other places."

[Enail]

Hasn't that been the situation from the start, though? They want you to be getting a job, you knew that already, the fact that you've got an interview isn't creating that pressure, and it's not a pressure that's going to go away if you don't get the job. That callback is just a poke that's making you feel it more actively right now because you've been able to set it aside for a while, but this isn't actually something different from what you've been under this whole time.

It's a stressful thing, but try not to let that mentally escalate it into something new and huge and terrifying, it's just a little success within the same old thing you've been handling for ages, not a giant game-changer.

[Werel]

What reboot and Enail said.

Sometimes this advice is given: "just don't tell them." Your parents re: this job are a perfectly good time to take that advice.

[bomaye]

It's a stressful thing, but try not to let that mentally escalate it into something new and huge and terrifying, it's just a little success within the same old thing you've been handling for ages, not a giant game-changer.

It IS new and huge and terrifying, if it goes well it's basically the end of any sort of chance at feeling okay because the outside world is an awful place full of awful people just waiting to target me again for any reason, but I also can't back out on it because of those pressures.

[Werel]

-You don't have to take the job if they offer it to you.
-You don't have to tell anyone that you turned it down.
-It's not all finally happening now . Today isn't the beginning of the end of your life as you know it. It's just a thing you've done before, where you have the option to veto any outcomes other than the status quo.
-I hope no one is awful to you tomorrow, odds are they won't be.

Good luck

Edit:  also, like, don't forget that getting a job interview is a pretty significant step forward from not having done that before; it's awesome, life achievement-wise, that you're even in this position, so pat yourself on the back in the midst of stressing about it

[bomaye]

Yeah, thanks :/

Sorry, this stuff gets to me

[reboot]

Want to hear something even crazier? You can quit your job at any point and it will not hurt your chances of getting another job as long as you give notice. Entry level jobs have a lot of churn and no boss is going to look at it in a negative light if you only work a 2-3 months. If you cannot handle it that long, you never need to tell future bosses about it.

As for the world outside your house, yeah, it can be fucking rough, but if you are being compensated for the rough when you have a job (unlike in school). It may suck, but you get money out of it, so dealing with the suck is not pointless

[Enail]

All of what Reboot and Werel said. Getting the interview is a big accomplishment, but however it goes it doesn't have to be more than you decide it's going to be. You get to decide that part!

Wishing you lots and lots of luck, and especially lots of luck in not encountering any awful people. We're rooting for you.

[bomaye]

Some parts of it were okay, some not. It's kind of obvious I'm not a people person and she mentioned the other interviewees already had experience doing the stuff they needed so I think if they show a modicum of personality they probably have it over me (I hope so).

[Werel]

Not bad--since that's the outcome you were kind of hoping for anyway, and you learned what kind of skills they'd be looking for at similar jobs, and you got an idea of what skills you can work on for when you want/need the job, AND you called them back, set up the interview, and went? AND no one was awful? Total victory for you. Nice going.

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