BiSian's School of Misandrist Bitchery (Mockery of Jerks and Random Funness)

[BiSian]

Because I am annoyed at some of the conversations happening on DNL prime, I've decided to have some fun and make a forum thread for my feminist bitchery. I consider this to be a good place for rants and stories about jerks (gender neutral) in all walks of our lives. Bitching about jerk politicians or terrible foot-in-mouth moments, also good. Jokes about "drinking male tears" will also be welcomed, as well as ideas for new classes at BiSian's School for Misandrist Bitchery TM.

Bitchery from BiSianCity:
I work at a women's health clinic in a very liberal city. Unfortunately, we do get protestors outside our doors--but my clients are wonderfully sassy people and don't take any shit. In the past month I have heard the following lovely examples of Bitchery:
-"Don't you have anything better to do with your day than harass people?"
-"Actually I'm getting birth control so I don't need an abortion. That makes sense, right?"
-"Can I get my UTI treated?! Is that all right with you?!"
-"I LOVE ABORTION--F*** YES!"
-"Scuse me honey, while you're in your appointment with the doctor, I'm going to go outside an flip off those assholes for an hour. Can I borrow your copy of The God Delusion to throw at them?" (male partner of a female patient)
-"Why are they all men? Jerks, I told them to go get vasectomies!"

The protestors also left some pamphlets for me to clean up--really blatantly untrue pamphlets that managed to be super racist at the same time! Wonderful.

And now that I'm in a better mood, I'm off to make some Male Tears Margaritas, which I will drink while polishing my pointy shoes in preparation for stomping on the oppressed MRAs I come across.

[Xexyz]

I watch a decent amount of sports, so I'm subjected to a pretty much non-stop parade of erectile dysfunction medication commercials. You have no idea how absolutely goddamn sick of these commercials I am. If I were In Charge, there would be two major changes:

#1: Every other ED commercial would feature a gay couple. This would satisfy the annoyance of the relentless heterosexism these commercials present. Furthermore, no doubt some asshats would email in protest because their delicate sensibilities have offended. The responses to such complains would be pics of guys blowing each other 69-style as a nice warm FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR HOMOPHOBIA, ASSHOLE.

#2: Change number one is positive, and I need something more vicious and mean-spirited. So for the other ED commercials, what you'd get is instead of the couple prancing happily together, you'd get the following scenes: First, the [heterosexual] couple would be in a bedroom getting ready for some sexytime. But then, cut to them laying in bed, him with a sad look on his face while she looks away with a mixture of disappointment and contempt. Cue the next scene where the guy is sitting alone on his couch, watching TV, while the woman is happily gallivanting around with a much younger, very handsome young man. Scene four would show the man at the doctor, and finally scene five would show him happily returning home with a bouquet of flowers, but the house would be empty an there will be a letter on the table...

[azazel]

I watch a decent amount of sports, so I'm subjected to a pretty much non-stop parade of erectile dysfunction medication commercials.  You have no idea how absolutely goddamn sick of these commercials I am.  If I were In Charge, there would be two major changes:

#1:  Every other ED commercial would feature a gay couple.  This would satisfy the annoyance of the relentless heterosexism these commercials present.  Furthermore, no doubt some asshats would email in protest because their delicate sensibilities have offended.  The responses to such complains would be pics of guys blowing each other 69-style as a nice warm FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR HOMOPHOBIA, ASSHOLE.  

Simply agreed.

#2:  Change number one is positive, and I need something more vicious and mean-spirited.  So for the other ED commercials, what you'd get is instead of the couple prancing happily together, you'd get the following scenes:  First, the [heterosexual] couple would be in a bedroom getting ready for some sexytime.  But then, cut to them laying in bed, him with a sad look on his face while she looks away with a mixture of disappointment and contempt.  Cue the next scene where the guy is sitting alone on his couch, watching TV, while the woman is happily gallivanting around with a much younger, very handsome young man.  Scene four would show the man at the doctor, and finally scene five would show him happily returning home with a bouquet of flowers, but the house would be empty an there will be a letter on the table...

But here I'm puzzled why you'd want this? I've tried looking up some American ED commercials but couldn't find any, so I'm probably missing some background here that makes them so offensive you have to target a disproportionately suicidal and depressed group of people and confirm their worst fears in retaliation.

I would say they're not advertising át you and you're free to ignore it, as I do with all the women's products I see on the TV, but as I said, maybe I'm missing some context.

I would personally change it to: First, the [heterosexual] couple would be in a bedroom getting ready for some sexytime.  But then, cut to them laying in bed, him with a sad look on his face, explaining to the other partner he can't get it up, then showing her a good time anyway, if you get what I mean. Scene two would show the man at the doctor, and finally scene three would show him happily returning home with a bouquet of flowers, and then having them both have a good time.

On topic bitchery: Todd Akin, you're an asshole and it warms my heart you lost your election when you spewed your completely untrue bullshit.
What doesn't warm my heart was that you were a part of a Committee on Science, Space and Technology, while having such ridiculous ideas.

[Guest]

azazel, I would send a message of YES to any advertising company that did that.  That would be awesome.

[Xexyz]

But here I'm puzzled why you'd want this? I've tried looking up some American ED commercials but couldn't find any, so I'm probably missing some background here that makes them so offensive you have to target a disproportionately suicidal and depressed group of people and confirm their worst fears in retaliation.

Because an outrageous commercial like that would be hilarious.  Because older men get their precious fee fees coddled and catered to all the time all ready.  Because this is the thread of Misandrist Bitchery.  But seriously, it's the relentless proliferation of these commercials that make me want to claw my eyes out.

[Gentleman Johnny]

Honesly, I think they need to bring back Smilin' Bob (of Enzyte fame) for ED commercials. At least with him you know what's being advertised. Most American commercials look like they're for a senior citizen vacation spot or something.

[azazel]

Because an outrageous commercial like that would be hilarious.  Because older men get their precious fee fees coddled and catered to all the time all ready.  Because this is the thread of Misandrist Bitchery.  But seriously, it's the relentless proliferation of these commercials that make me want to claw my eyes out.

So... targeting a disproportionately suicidal and depressed group of people and confirm their worst fears in retaliation for having the gall to be advertised to is hilarious?

Wow.

[eselle28]

[mod hat on]Xexyz, I get that you're making a joke, but the joke you ended up making is one that shames people's sexuality. Shaming someone for having health problems or sexual difficulties isn't any more appropriate than slut shaming or virgin shaming would be.[/mod hat off]

[UristMcBunny]

Cosigning with eselle.

[BiSian]

Hey azazel, I created this thread in the spirit of fun.
In the future, if someone says something that bothers you, could you assume good faith? By all means speak up, like you did. But please start with the idea that the person was not intending to be hurtful. I don't want this thread to devolve into a series of angry confrontations and misunderstandings.

Naturally this advice applies to everyone.

[UristMcBunny]

Hey azazel, I created this thread in the spirit of fun.
In the future, if someone says something that bothers you, could you assume good faith? By all means speak up, like you did. But please start with the idea that the person was not intending to be hurtful. I don't want this thread to devolve into a series of angry confrontations and misunderstandings.

Naturally this advice applies to everyone.

BiSian, I'm not really sure what you're saying here?  Azazel is allowed to state clearly when something makes him uncomfortable.  On a separate note, mods - when they read a thread and decide that they also do not like a thing - are allowed to make comments or take action on that basis.

[BiSian]

Well yeah of course. Not to imply that Azazel did anything wrong--far from it!

I just feel like this type of thread--joking about sexism--should be considered from a light-hearted angle.

[Guest]

Soooo, kind of had it with men today. My male colleagues (i.e. all of the men I have interacted with in person) are exempted because they have been uniformly lovely. That dickbreath who blew kisses at me on the M1 this morning and then cut me up can die in a horrifying and improbable sheep-shearing accident though.

Shall we say, I have had it with the concept of Man instead. Man™. I feel like running off to an island with my ladies, be they trans or cis, and starting a new society liberated from the stupefying power of testosterone. It shall be a coconut-based economy. I'm thinking of calling it Lesbos II; whaddaya think?

[BasedBuzzed]

It's been done before: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/01/fashion/01womyn.html?pagewanted=all

You may be liberated from the testosterone without, but can you be liberated from the testosterone within? Can you escape a lifetime of gender roles and make sure the people on the island wouldn't revert to them? What are you planning to do about residents importing currency from overseas using swallows? And how will you prepare for war with the menclaves when the MGTOW finally get around to doing what they've bantered on about for years?

In other news, random dudette, whining about me giving you "a mean glare" when you're biking on the wrong side of the road is the height of oversensitivity.

[BiSian]

I support the Estrogen Island! And we will definitely win the war against the Mancavers, and then drink delicious lattes brewed from their tears of DESPAIR

[Gentleman Johnny]

So, funny Polynesian myth.

Maui is, among other things, a trickster figure in Polynesian myth. So one day Maui comes paddling up the river in a canoe full of coconuts. This is a time when trade between kingdoms on the island were tightly regulated, so there's a customs inspector at the bend in the river that marks the border. He stops Maui to check the boat and is very confused. Coconuts are plentiful everywhere, so they're not taxed but Maui has a reputation and the Inspector knows he's up to something. He lets Maui pass and puts it out of his mind.

A month later Maui comes back, paddling up the river with another canoe full of coconuts. This time the inspector stops him and makes him empty all of the coconuts to see if he's hiding anything under them. But he doesn't find anything, so he has to let Maui go.

The third time this happens, the inspector shakes every coconut to see if there's something hidden inside it. Still nothing, so he has to let Maui go.

Years later, after the inspector has retired and the two kingdoms have united, rendering the customs laws moot, the inspector runs into Maui. "Its been years but its bothered me this whole time. I know you were smuggling something all those times you came by me with a boat full of coconuts but I could never figure out what."

Maui smiles and says "canoes".

[eselle28]

Guy In Your MFA is so very many people I knew when I was in school.

[reboot]

Guy In Your MFA is so very many people I knew when I was in school.

At least you did not marry him, except mine fancied himself a philosopher. Fiction is meerly mindless distraction for the cretinous masses

[eselle28]

Guy In Your MFA is so very many people I knew when I was in school.

At least you did not marry him, except mine fancied himself a philosopher. Fiction is meerly mindless distraction for the cretinous masses

Oh. Dear. I am so sorry.

[reboot]

Guy In Your MFA is so very many people I knew when I was in school.

At least you did not marry him, except mine fancied himself a philosopher. Fiction is meerly mindless distraction for the cretinous masses

Oh. Dear. I am so sorry.

The perils of being intellectually insecure and 20 years old. The most pretentious drivel sounds profound

[BiSian]

Guy In Your MFA is so very many people I knew when I was in school.

I've never wanted to punch my computer quite so much as I do right now.

[eselle28]

Guy In Your MFA is so very many people I knew when I was in school.

I've never wanted to punch my computer quite so much as I do right now.

Do it. He will write a poem about it. It will be a metaphor for frustration, and he will carefully describe every jiggle of your breasts as you punch the screen.

[BiSian]

GAHHH!
How can I hate someone who doesn't exist?!

ETA: Wait, just processed reboot's comment....Oh Holy Fuck Marbles--that type of dude was your ex?

[nearly_takuan]

Guy In Your MFA is so very many people I knew when I was in school.

I've never wanted to punch my computer quite so much as I do right now.

Do it. He will write a poem about it. It will be a metaphor for frustration, and he will carefully describe every jiggle of your breasts as you punch the screen.

I got nothin'.

[BasedBuzzed]

Plot-twist: The Twitter account is actually run by his ex-fiancee, who is using it as a veiled attempt to get his attention.

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