Re: Random Thoughts: The Randoming

by nearly_takuan Mon Dec 01, 2014 1:25 pm

People oversimplify. Why should a feminine trait or behavior make a person seem less masculine? Or vice versa? We don't all buy with the same number of points; some folks have plenty of room for both feminine and masculine traits. Half the problem with sexism is undervaluing femininity, but the other half is assuming "masculinity" is diminished or replaced or threatened by anything feminine, gay, or asexual.

by nearly_takuan Mon Dec 01, 2014 4:20 pm

I'm tempted to distribute my OKCupid password, or authorize use of my photos and stats For (pseudo-)Science, but my desire for privacy still slightly outweighs my need to prove anything. Plus I have an irrational, metaphysical worry that as soon as my profile is in someone else's hands they'll get a whole bunch of replies and unsolicited messages from compatible people.

I want to articulate something about the "desexualization of asexuals" but can't find verbiage that would actually help people understand instead of just sounding like the ridiculous non-issue most people already think it is. It makes sense to me, but I don't know the words. If there are words.

by WJMorris3 Mon Dec 01, 2014 7:06 pm

In the city of Minas Tirith, the old blacksmith realized he was tired of working so hard and would soon retire. So he picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do."

One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."

Minas Tirith is now looking for a new blacksmith.

by nearly_takuan Tue Dec 02, 2014 3:57 am

I used to wonder how it made sense for a calculating and selfish man like Sirrus to take the insane risk of sliding down an unknown cavern in Spire. But with all these hypotheticals we've discussed on Paging lately, I'm starting to see why fantastical settings leave so much room for characters to make absurd gambles when they think they have little to lose.

by **Enail** Tue Dec 02, 2014 1:08 pm

I'm going to move the discussion on LGBTQ community to its own thread.

ETA: Here it is.

by nearly_takuan Tue Dec 02, 2014 6:51 pm

Jonathan Coulton wrote:What if the best that I can be just isn't good enough? Isn't it better not to know?

Despite this being a song about being disappointed in the results of not even trying, I do wonder... if I hadn't tried, if I hadn't given in to the "you gotta get out there, man" messages after college, mightn't I feel better now? Or at least less bad? I went so long without caring what people thought of me; why couldn't I have gone a little longer?

Oh, well. What's done can't be undone.

by Guest Wed Dec 03, 2014 4:22 am

Why are so many males in the animal kingdom such vicious assholes? Or is Mother Nature the prime evil?

"By bucking the system that marginalizes you and blazing your own path you’ll find that people will notice."

Wow. Such pretty words dripping with hubris. What if you're up against a 'system' that is largely invisible to most people?

by **Robjection** Wed Dec 03, 2014 6:05 am

HermitTheToad wrote:What if you're up against a 'system' that is largely invisible to most people?

Depends on whether or not bucking that system is equally invisible.

by nearly_takuan Wed Dec 03, 2014 6:42 am

Robjection wrote:
HermitTheToad wrote:What if you're up against a 'system' that is largely invisible to most people?
Depends on whether or not bucking that system is equally invisible.

Sometimes you get two options: keep your head down, acculturate yourself, play along quietly; or make a fuss but deal with hatred and dismissal from both The System and the marginalized groups you aren't part of. Oh, people notice. It's just probably not the kind of noticing you'd enjoy.

One could argue that this is the only chance for social change to even happen, and somebody's gotta do it. But in the context of advice on winning friends and getting dates? I don't think we can straightforwardly apply what a straight white man has to say about (straight white) male issues to more specific concerns.

Sometimes none of your options are any good. Them's the breaks, I guess.

by **Robjection** Wed Dec 03, 2014 1:50 pm

nearly_takuan wrote:Sometimes none of your options are any good. Them's the breaks, I guess.

Kinda reminds me (somehow) of the paradox with the woman, the baby and the crocodile. I think I still have the book it was in. Lemme go check ...

OK, I can't seem to find the book, but here's what I remember. The crocodile has taken the woman's baby and he says that, if the woman correctly predicts what the crocodile will do, he will give the baby back to her, but if she predicts incorrectly, the crocodile will eat the baby. She says that the crocodile is gonna eat the baby. Now the crocodile's in a bind, because if he does eat the baby, then that means the woman predicted correctly and so he has to return the baby, but if he returns the baby, then that means the woman has predicted incorrectly so he has to eat the baby, but if he does eat the baby ... cue one flummoxed crocodile.

Or maybe not. Someone (I think it was Lewis Carroll?) pointed out that the crocodile would have other methods of decision making and explained it sort of like this:

Suppose the crocodile has made the above promise to the woman and the crocodile is a croc of his word.
Suppose as well that the woman says that the crocodile will eat the baby.
If the crocodile eats the baby, then the woman has predicted correctly, but the crocodile has not returned the baby (and is unable to), thus he cannot fulfil his sense of honour.
If the crocodile returns the baby, then the woman has predicted incorrectly, but the crocodile has not eaten the baby, thus his sense of honour is unsatisfied.
Either way, the crocodile cannot come to a decision based on which option satisfies his honour, so he makes his decision based on something else - such as the tastiness of babies.

Alternatively:

Suppose the crocodile has made the above promise to the woman and the crocodile is a croc of his word.
Suppose as well that the woman says that the crocodile will return the baby.
If the crocodile eats the baby, then the woman has predicted incorrectly and the crocodile has done what he said he would, thus he has fulfilled his sense of honour.
If the crocodile returns the baby, then the woman has predicted correctly and the crocodile has done what he said he would, thus his sense of honour is satisfied.
So the crocodile's sense of honour is satisfied no matter what he does, meaning he must decide which course of action to take based on something else - such as the tastiness of babies.

So what does all this have to do with what you've said? I guess my point was that sometimes, when all your choices suck when measured against one criterion or set of criteria, it might be worth evaluating them based on other criteria. Or something? I gotta admit, I kinda lost track when I was doing those bullet points.

by nearly_takuan Wed Dec 03, 2014 2:00 pm

Yeah, uh, love the story but I can't figure out where you meant to go with that either. Razz

I mean, if I make my decision based on altruistic hope for someone else's future, the choice is obvious. If I make my decision based on what will mitigate harm to myself, the choice is obvious. But if I favor neither much higher than the other, I must base my decision on something else—such as what requires the least effort.

by **Enail** Wed Dec 03, 2014 2:08 pm

I realize this is a rant (EDIT: wait, no, it isn't!) , so please let me know if this is too much, but I've found there is one potential compensation for deciding to rock the boat and pay the consequences - it sometimes makes you visible to other people who feel the way you do, allowing you to find likeminded people. It doesn't mean being in that position doesn't suck, but at least it's something.

by **Robjection** Wed Dec 03, 2014 2:52 pm

Why does this spell checker not accept the word "teleport"?

by **Werel** Wed Dec 03, 2014 4:37 pm

Yesterday morning, I was having coffee with a friend on campus, and there was some kind of (I assume) theater class project being staged on a quad. You know, the standard "6 people in outlandish costumes doing interpretive dance" deal, with a couple dozen people sitting on the ground watching. My friend and I half-watched and chatted and chuckled. But then the actors started taking off their outlandish costumes, piece by piece, until they were doing interpretive dance in their underpants. And then, about fifteen minutes in, they all took off their underpants. And continued to do their weird interpretive dance, entirely naked. I saw four dicks and two vulvas. At eight in the morning in front of the library.

The whole time, I was sitting there questioning whether this was actually happening, because none of the passerby were stopping, or taking more than a quick glance. And I was thinking, "This is crazy. I'm going to go up to my office after I finish my coffee and tell everyone about this crazy thing I saw."

And then I went up to my office and forgot all about it. Didn't tell a soul. I didn't even remember I had seen all those naked folks until I was falling asleep last night, and I was astonished all over again. Isn't it strange how the brain works?

by BasedBuzzed Fri Dec 05, 2014 6:49 pm

Wingmanned a dudette(played the icebreaker, supplied personality details and gave a bunch of convo topics inbetween), she scored him as a date to the upcoming student association gala. It's always satisfying to see that flipping the script for dudettes works.

by Guest Sat Dec 06, 2014 3:36 am

Man, the Beifongs are awesome. And Bolin needs to work on his tact. I don't like that I find him...annoying.

D'you ever think that maybe, there isn't a niche out there for you? Are we even designed to fit neatly within niches?

Or is it healthier to let go of of the idea that we should fit in somewhere altogether? Do most/many people just make do with whatever relationships they happen to stumble upon and call it a day?

by **Robjection** Sat Dec 06, 2014 10:22 am

If I were to have sex with a woman, and she got pregnant and then gave birth 9 months later, would that technically make her a milf?

by The Wisp Sat Dec 06, 2014 7:28 pm

Building a robust, sustainable social life (of which a romantic and sexual life are a subset) seems analogous to wealth accumulation. If you already have a lot of social connections, it is ironically easier to get more and a lot easier to cope with and recover from huge social "losses". If you're starting with very few social connections, getting those first few is (also ironically) extremely difficult. To build up a robust social life when starting from very little requires more effort, risk-taking, and time than to add to an already robust social life.

by Wondering Sat Dec 06, 2014 10:58 pm

How did I not know that A Mighty Girl is more than just a Facebook page that makes posts about accomplished women that my friends frequently share. It's a whole website with tons of content to help assist parents bring up strong girls. With a holiday gift buying guide for good, non-gendering gifts! Sortable by age! And interest!

Not that 5-month-olds have many interests. But still!

by Guest Mon Dec 08, 2014 7:53 am

I don't like knowing that I don't have the bandwidth to comprehend and articulate the depth of toxicity and the degree to which my family and I are dysfunctional.

I don't have faith in my family's potential to grow as better people because that would probably require a level of introspection and critical thinking that is beyond our capacity. Because, y'know, no one likes to take responsibility for toxic attitudes and abusive behaviour. We are simpletons and we suffer for it.

So what do I do? Bide my time while accumulating enough wealth so I can move out and then....cut ties? Doing so would mean cutting ties with my mother culture and therefore a part of my identity. But, is that so bad? It's not like I loved the culture that my parents came from, and I'm not exactly accultured to it either. In fact I have a more negative impression of it thanks to said family.

Nowadays when my mother and sister fight, I simply detach from the situation and I don't get emotionally invested. That's probably unhealthy, as it primes me to be more apathetic.

by **Robjection** Mon Dec 08, 2014 5:24 pm

*Classy slurp that is in no way obnoxious* might just be my new favourite subtitle!

by nearly_takuan Tue Dec 09, 2014 11:37 am

Hm... no, contrary to my other thoughts, I don't need something to benefit me before I'll do something about it; see my thoughts (and yeah, in some cases, actions) regarding abstinence-only education (bad), drug decriminalization (good), and wage-discussion taboos (bullshit). I'm willing, comfortable even, working for causes that in the long run are arguably going to make things "worse" for people like me. But long-term loss isn't scary. I'm going to lose everything eventually anyway. The idea of risking a lot all at once is scary.

by Guest Wed Dec 10, 2014 8:36 pm

My internship ending is indeed quite bittersweet. Fun times were had, now that it's over, it's obviously time to move on. It's hard to let go, but we gotta move on. Plus this song is one of the few Fleetwood Mac songs I like (I prefer Christine McVie, personally but whatever). As for the other two girls I met there, I'll see them again I'm sure. I'll miss them like crazy, but that doesn't mean it's good-bye forever.

Good night, guys.

by caliseivy Thu Dec 11, 2014 2:38 pm

This textbook has me thinking I may be getting in over my head with this...

by **eselle28** Thu Dec 11, 2014 11:25 pm

I'm surprisingly relieved to learn that the apartment above me is a furnished one rented by a corporation and that the humans who occupy it generally change every month. Granted, that's about the worst upstairs neighbor I can imagine, but it's good to know that the domestic violence duo, the very young man who blares electronica at odd hours, and the small voice that's been singing "Let It Go" a lot over the past few days are from three separate households and not one very strange one - especially since floor plans indicate it's a one bedroom. It was also nice to learn that, while Princess Elsa doesn't bother me a bit, management is willing to lay down the law if any future occupants are obnoxious to others.

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